How come reading tea leaves is seen as this sophisticated, witchy thing but if I slam dunk an open can of Chef Boyardee ravioli onto the pavement in the gas station parking lot to see what kind of soda the old ones think I should buy, foodstuff divination suddenly isn’t cool anymore?
medusa, trying to turn you to stone, but you accidentally called her “melissa” when you first walked in and now you’re too embarrassed to look at her. “it’s alright” she keeps saying “i get it all the time” but you still won’t look. u don’t even remember the stone thing until later
me: oh yeah 2007, three years ago? someone: …10 years ago my brain
You and your best friend when you spot that bitch you both hate
when you put ur finger in the inside of your bellybutton bc youre bored
No, Mike Pence got fucked by a horse. How else do you get the outside of a horse inside a man?
Better?
Much.
Horse must have been desperate
“not all men-”
you’re right, joshua hong of seventeen would never do this
no way in hell am i passing this up
a student from uni scrolled past this and ended up failing all of his courses, even the ones he thought he passed… not gonna take this chance.
just for luck 😭
not taking any chances
Possibly the most horrifying thing that has ever happened to me occurred today. So I’m in a creative writing class at university right now and we had to print out twenty-five copies of our first, one page assignment to distribute to the class. I had to print mine at the computer lab as I don’t have a printer, but here are the three crucial facts that made this the worst mistake of my life.
1. Sometimes, when you log into Google on Chrome, it activates all of your extensions, even ones you’ve deactivated.
2. In high school, my friends and I got really into Ponify (a words replacing chrome extension) and switched the preferences so we could read political articles and have congress get into a “rousing snow ball fight” and the like.
3. Ponify reverted to its original My Little Pony lingo when opened on a new computer’s chrome.
So when I distributed my twenty-five copies of this I noticed the word “everypony”, my heart seized up and dropped into my stomach, and with my imminent death approaching, I began furiously correcting all twenty-five of them. My teacher, confusedly, agreed to let me correct them as I was too infuriated and ashamed to say my mistake aloud.
I just realized, however, that the line “as she watched the binding fall away in her hand” was changed to “as she watched the binding fall away in her hoof”.
And I just had to send this email:
And basically I’m ready for death how was your day
I’m officially not sorry for introducing you to ponify
Date the person who tells you to be safe when you go out, not the one who gets mad. Partnership, not ownership.
I NEED all the hugely popular blatantly fake posts from 2012 - 2014 right now
