i wrote your name in my heart

you know, it’s not the same. i don’t know if i’m ever gonna love a character as much as i love(d) anthony edward stark. tony stark bought me into this fandom and now that he is gone, i couldn’t care less about anything. like, okay, of course i’m gonna be hyped about the next mcu films but they will not bring tony back. it will never be the same. i have never been so much attached to a person before, to a character before. he is a part of me. losing him felt like losing the half of my soul. him being dead put a big scar on my flesh. is this what losing a loved one feels like?

some of you may say ‘oh, he’s just a fictional character, get over it’ NO. he is NOT just a fictional character. i looked up to him every single day of my life and i still do but now it’s not the same. tony stark died and every time i think about him i tear up or even cry . i swear. like right now i’m tearing up. he might be a mere fictional character to you, but NOT to ME. i love him so much that it hurts so much. it’s like an incurable wound.

tony stark deserved so much better. the only people that really cared about him were pepper, rhodey, happy, peter, morgan and maybe harley and nebula too. for pepper he was the love of her life. for rhodey and happy, he was their best friend. for peter, he was a mentor and a father figure after ben parker. for morgan, he was already the superhero without the suit— the best father she could ever ask for. for harley he was his mentor, friend and a father. for nebula, he was the father she never had, even though tony and nebula spent few days in space together, but the fatherly love she got from tony always made her question ‘is this what having a father feels like? is this what having someone care about you feels like?’ okay, some of you are gonna be like ‘oh the avengers cared about him too!’ . yeah, they did but was it enough? did they really care about him? maybe bruce did. yes. but what about the others? steve? i guess? but we’re talking about mcu!steve. (all ‘stony’ aside) but what? none of these were enough for him— to me.

tony was constantly suffering from anxiety and ptsd. every time he was being called out for something he didn’t do. he did NOT get a break. killing him off was not the answer. he deserved to live. he deserved to see his daughter grow up to a strong and beautiful woman. tony stark deserved a happy life. he deserved the break from all the superhero stuff so he could live a happy and peaceful life with his family.

yeah, he had five years. yes, he had a wholesome family. but was it completed? was he really happy? peter was gone and he blamed HIM for this. not thanos. every time he thought about it, he questioned his ability— only if he were good enough. if. the world wouldn’t have to go through the murderous snap. no matter how much sacrifices he made, it wasn’t enough— to him.

i love tony stark and i will love him till my last breath.