I’m out of juice. you want me to do homework? you want me to do dishes? I am juiceless! I am out of juice! what juiceless fool can draw every muscle in the neck? what devil can put away laundry while bereft of juice? there is nothing in the carton! I have not even pulp! juiceless I tell you! I will lie on the floor and scorn you. I am out of juice. how dare you

Perhaps the only way to truly defeat evil... is with tender and gentle homoeroticism

me: i love you but please, please do not step on my keyboard. go a foot out of your way and go around

my lovable yet ungrateful cat, a troublegirl and a fiend: you could sooner divert a river from its course than deny my nature 

im fake smart.. like im honestly a dumbass idk shit but i know how to seem like i do.. im smart-passing..

alright ladies its time to “omg i’m so cold feel my hands” your way into a relationship season

oh no 

If you say this then hold their hand, it flirt

If you say this then immediately shove your cold hand on their face and/or neck, that's goblin best friend behaviour

idont have any talent. i like to look at grass and i dont have other hobbies. when people ask me how im doing i ignore the question 

*has video game open* hm i dont feel like playing this right now actually *closes it* man i wish i was playing video game right now *opens it again* hm i dont feel like playing this right now actually *closes it

people who text me when I’m sleeping or at work have no idea how happy it makes me like finishing work and reading cute messages or waking up and reading sweet messages like I can’t think of anything better REALLY

♥ ♥ ♥

me after watching this

human brain: sometimes we need to do boring things with no gratification or immediate benefit

monkey brain: absolutely not. die

Human brain: ok what if we eat chips while we do the boring thing

monkey brain: I’m suspicious but keep talking

cats be like: ok im gonna radiate serotonin now