Bog mummy take the wheel

This poem is not a tweet to me

blahaj....

Real talk tho Mob is gonna grow up and choose some constructive but random-ass occupation like healthcare clerk or something idk but word of mouth means that everyone is going to know him as “my friend has a friend who also does exorcisms”

like maybe spooky noises have started coming from that sketchy chest freezer you bought off Facebook so you tell your friend and they say “oh yeah my cousin knows this dude, he can take care of that for you, called him last year to deal with a cursed bong, he’s 100% legit" 

later that evening this COMPLETELY JACKED guy shows up at your apartment and you’re like What are you gonna do, punch the ghost or something? But no he politely asks if he can come in, stands in front of the freezer for a minute without doing anything, then tells you that the evil spirit is gone now and you can store your cowshare portion in peace. Whole thing seems kinda suspect but musclebro didn’t charge you anything and anyway the spooky noises have stopped so no harm done, right?

And then maybe a few months later your coworker tells you that they swear they saw this creepy headless figure walking home last night so you’re like, Y'know I know this guy, 100% legit, I bet he could look into it for you…

Okay but. At some point Mob is going to run into a problem where there is no spirit to exorcise. So a friend of a friend recommended this jacked guy to fix your haunted freezer problem, but the guy just looks intently at your freezer for a minute. Then he turns to you and tells you that he doesn’t know how to fix your freezer, but he knows a guy who CAN help. At this point you’re kinda intrigued, but also sure, whatever, so the tall guy calls his friend and within the hour a greasy guy in a cheap suit shows up. He’s a lot more talkative than the first guy, and before you know it he’s started taking apart your freezer, and then the electric socket, chatting about spirits causing faulty wiring all the while. You’d meant to stop him, but the guy seems to know what he is doing, and before you know it he’s rewired the socket, replaced a faulty cable and rebuild the freezer. You might have complained but he charged you less than any electrician would request as the transportation fee alone, so you shut up, pay him, and the two guys leave together. The haunted noises have stopped. You look up the guy on the internet later but can’t find much except for the ugliest website you’ve ever seen and a ten year old twitter hate campaign you can’t discern the cause off. No matter, it makes an intriguing enough story for your coworkers later.

I like to think that this NPC didn’t misunderstand “you can take a cute Pokémon out to Amity Square” at all. He just genuinely thought his Gyrarados and Steelix were cute.

The npc is right

Komodo dragon shopping

@wallynorthbynorthwest

yugioh players, im begging you to read the words below the cards, its going to help you more than it will hurt you

don’t listen to this it’s a trick

dear hrt ur doing good so far. i appreciate the boobs but i feel like they should be bigger. i mean some serious honkers. a real set of badonkers. some dobonhonkeros. massive dohoonkabhankoloos. big ol' tonhongerekoogers.

This joke truly has all of my favorite things:

In conclusion I think I'm in love with this man

me

Link Gets an Item but Something Goes Wrong: a compilation

I just love how Toon Link is just…… Like that

YOU might be taking your mask off after getting the vaccine. i’m never going outside without looking like this again

@stellarfieldanomaly

It’s called fashion, twerp. Look it up

[SPEED PAINT]

✦ᵗʷᶤᵗᵗᵉʳ ✦ᶤᶰˢᵗᵃᵍʳᵃᵐ ✦ʸᵒᵘᵗᵘᵇᵉ ✦ ᵏᵒᶠᶤ

as a child of divorce few things are as funny to me as the concept of alimony like you have to pay your ex-wife recompense for the crime of being a fail husband