Things That Happened On My First Day At Target

-Sold lingerie to an eighty year old woman

-Got a free salted caramel frappacino from the suspectedly gay barista, Parker

-Sold a bra to the mom of a sixteen year old girl who was cringing the entire time

-Had a very engaging conversation with a three year old boy about colors. We both like blue.

-Served an old woman who I thought had an impressive mustache, but it was just nose hair

-Watched her and two other women with her get trapped between two sets of automatic doors because they did not understand how to open them. How they got through the first set, I still do not know.

-Sold fifteen gallons of kitty litter to a soccer mom who refused to break eye contact

-Got a second free starbucks drink. This one was a pumpkin pie one that wasn’t even on the menu. I like this barista man.

-Gave dozens of children stickers. Several of them squealed when they got them. This is the best part of my job.

-Sold an old man $200 of furniture and got him to sign up for a Target credit card. Before he finished the last step, he turned and walked away with his cart without a word.

-He still hadn’t paid. I called him back and he apologized, saying “sorry, sometimes my diabetes makes me do that.” He didn’t finish getting the card.

-A woman came up with $220 of items. After a wad of coupons and a stack of free gift cards from other promotions, her total went down to $55. I want her to teach me. 

-Saw a girl skipping down the aisle in what can only be described as a pink princess fairy wedding dress. She was filled with happiness and if I hadn’t been on the clock I would have taken her. At the very least, I want that outfit for my own.

-Got approached by a large man named Jason. He told me not to steal. I will take this advice to heart. 

-Met a woman referred to only as The Cat Lady. She asked if I wanted her to buy me a keychain from Ross. I told her I had no keys. She nodded solemnly and walked away, whispering their exact location inside Ross, just in case.

-Got called into the HR Head’s office at the end of my shift. I was expecting to be yelled at for some reason. She and another lead showered me in compliments for ten minutes straight, saying a lot of managers had been saying great things about me all day. Not what I expected, but I’ll take it.

Day Two:

-Intimidating farmer man in overalls and pigtails came through my checkout. He bought a bucket. He spoke no words. He made no eye contact. He left me with questions.

-Three college boys came through, each buying spandex and makeup wipes. They spoke no words. They made too much eye contact. They left me with more questions. I question when this job will provide answers.

-A three year old came through, pushed by his personal chauffeur. He bought one small Spider-Man onesie. He carried out the entire transaction on his own. He was the most polite customer I have had so far.

-Three people walked away without their change. Only two returned.

-A man bought thirty light bulbs with a coupon. He told me he did not need thirty light bulbs. He just likes coupons.

-He then walked to customer service, claiming to have returned several things he did not mean to. He then walked a lap around the store and left. He did not leave the store with his light bulbs. They were nowhere to be found.

-A customer came through looking nervous. She leaned over the counter. She whispered to me. Someone had pooped in the baby supplies aisle. All evidence pointed to it not being a baby.  

I work at Starbucks and yesterday night these two big Italian men come in and order some coffees so I ask for the first guys name and he says in his thick Italian accent that it’s Mario. I’m thinking ok that’s a pretty common name for a middle aged Italian dude. But then his friend orders an when I ask his name he says its Luigi

and I can’t help it

I giggle a little to which Luigi says to his friend Mario “I told you she’d get it” and that’s the story of how I got memed on by two middle aged Italian men on Christmas eve

THE MCDONALD’S ONE.

millennials predate crowdfunding. we’ve been around since it was invented in the modern sense, how could we possibly “kill it.” unless that isn’t a typo and Bossip is in fact referring to corvid fundraising.

anyway tag yourself I’m Killing the Golf Industry

millennials no mercy run

tag urself im killing wine

Oh no we’re killing off paper napkins? How?

i really am a “text me if you need something” person. like unless i have something specific to talk about, i don’t usually initiate a conversation. if you wanna talk just to talk then im all here but dont take me not hittin you up as me not caring.

In reality, most “90’s kids” are actually nostalgic for the early 2000’s.

have u ever had your opinion of someone change so fast you were disgusted you liked them ever at all

it makes me so happy that strangers find me followable 

@hammycha really like how you’re gonna try and apologize on tumblr then try and shit talk me in private as if no one would tell me you’re being the little snake you are. yet im the two faced one??? this is why no one fucking likes you brenda. Fake as fuck. at least im real about not liking you in public.

@sans64: “LEAFY IS AT RISK OF BEING HOMELESS BECAUSE ONE VIDEO GOT TAKEN DOWN” ???? Are you sure about that???????? Leafy fans need to understand that he’s not a smaller YouTuber, the dude has 4,000,000 subs for christs sake, he’s not gonna fucking risk becoming homeless because ONE VIDEO got taken down. Is he gonna loose money? Yeah maybe a little bit, but I don’t think it will affect him that much, he might have to hold off on the trips to Europe and helicopter rides for a month, but that’s it. Leafy fans need to chill tf out jfc……

boi if this didnt take the words out of my mouth idk what will

@hammycha 😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘

I seriously feel so bad for Calvin, Like the poor kid finally got to sleep and then he had to wake up and deal with this shit

honestly he kind of created this shit situation for himself

Um this was back when his account got hacked, it has nothing to do with the strike

#hayleyasavage2k16

oh right i just wasn't sure why it was on my dash today,,,

Calvin was quite rude in his most recent video. I understand that he’s somewhat uneducated when it comes to genders and people who identify as gender-less, but that’s only okay to some degree.

It’s starting to pass into more of an ‘I don’t know, and I don’t want to learn’ type of uneducated. Calvin was seriously rude by referring to them as ‘it’ and repeatedly calling them a creature. Personally, I’m born female and identify as so, but I feel so deeply for those who have watched todays video and are offended by his comments. If you’re non-binary, trans, etc, you have every right to be offended and feel angry. Don’t be afraid to speak up for yourselves, what you believe in, and take pride in what you personally identify as. Ily guys.

@leafy-is-tinie you don’t have asks on but hope you’re okay, what @hammycha said was disgusting and you’re valid to have an opinion on someone and still support them. 💕💕💕

thanks so much ❤️ its ok the comment just didn't make much sense to me and i don't think what i said warranted that dramatic of a reaction :(

This was being a bit shitty and uncalled for. Sorry to @leafy-is-tinie for that comment. The original post wasn’t directed at the ppl who disagree with me. I really should’ve just left this alone. i honestly dunno where to start w/o sounding like an asshole.

well like? thanks for the apology but?? i honestly don't know why people are saying he'll be homeless? like what?? lmfao he's a grown ass man who has money saved up and is smart he's not going to be out on the streets damn