Can you tell what it is yet?

Trying to figure out if you’re ace or aro can be so much harder than other sexualities because it’s like, trying to find the absence of something. Imagine you’re at a pond and you want to know if there are any turtles, or fish. Say you find a turtle and you’re like “great! Now I know there are turtles.” Or a fish, now you know for sure there are fish. Or you find both, and now you know for a fact there are both turtles and fish in the pond.

But like, if you don’t find any turtles it might be that there are no turtles or maybe you’re just really shitty at looking for turtles and maybe you THINK you saw a turtle over there or maybe it was just a stick. Maybe there are only a few turtles. Maybe you need to do something special to find the turtles. Maybe a bunch of these rocks are actually turtles but you couldn’t tell them apart. Maybe there are no turtles. You have no idea. Meanwhile some people are saying “Oh there have to be turtles! You’ll find them eventually ;)” or “How many turtles have you found in your pond?” or “Try planting some vegetables at the shore to attract the turtles.” Or “Oh no! What disaster happened to your pond that there are no turtles?” And you’re just standing there wet with an empty net and a tired expression.

But whatever because whether there are turtles or fish or not your pond’s ecology works just fine without them because that’s what eco-communities do they form a system around what they have. You aren’t missing anything if you don’t have turtles you just have a pond system without turtles. If someone tried to change you by pouring a bunch of turtles into your pond it would probably fuck something up.

So you don’t have to be entirely sure. You don’t have to search every inch of the damn pond before you can decide there are probably no turtles. If you want to take the aro or ace label because you think it fits go for it. And if you do find your turtles you can rename the pond. That’s fine.

Also sometimes you really like the turtles in other people’s ponds and you love how they bring the place all together but that doesn’t mean you want turtles in your pond you just enjoy watching the ones in other people’s ponds.

I've been noticing myself doing this recently, so I figured I'd put it out there in case someone else needs the reminder too:

You don't need to diminish yourself in order to make others feel good about themselves.

You can compliment someone else without insulting yourself. In fact, demeaning yourself will probably make it more difficult for the other person to accept the compliment.

You also don't need to disparage your own abilities in order to give someone else confidence. You can be a capable person and support other capable people.

Don't tear yourself down to build someone else up.

Just going to put some examples here, in case anyone needs them:

Compliment: You write such great angst! I was in tears after that last chapter. Compliment + self-insult: I could never write angst like you. Mine never has that gut-punch that yours does.

Compliment: You look gorgeous! That's such a pretty colour on you. Compliment + self-insult: I wish I had your fashion sense. I just wear whatever smells clean.

Compliment: This piece is awe-inspiringly good! How long did it take you?? Compliment + self-insult: Your art is so much better than mine. I could practice for a million years and never get close to this.

The thing about insulting yourself while complimenting someone else is that you might think that you're making your compliment sound that much better because you're increasing the distance between their level and yours. But what you're actually doing is refocusing your compliment away from them and onto you and your insecurities.

Maybe they'll notice and maybe they won't, but you will. Eventually, all of the insults you've given yourself will make you feel bad about that other person's skills and now, instead of a mentor or a colleague you have someone you're jealous of. Or at least, that's how it tends to go for me.

Keep the compliment focused on that person and their skills or presentation or process etc. And if you want to learn from them, ask them for advice. It can be hard to notice when you're falling into this kind of habit - I thought I'd gotten past it but here I am again - so just do the best you can ❤️

Write the bonkers, unhinged, weird idea that you think no actual person will like. Because guess what? You're an actual person, and you liking it still counts.

one time a casual hockey fan tried to convey this experience to me from the other side as: "it's like... okay, imagine that you like donuts, and you meet a guy who also likes donuts, and you're like, hey, cool, we both like donuts! but this guy... he built his house out of donuts"

so now when I trip into a new fandom I'm like "oh shit I'm building this house out of donuts"

Chapter 7-20

Confessions

The pride bats are back! I thought it’d be nice to regroup them into a matching poster. The border on the moths one was changed to a rainbow gradient and some colours were tweaked for better readability/printing. Original posts: Pride moths LGBATs 1 & 2

Prints

Okay but legit, if you're not in a Buy Nothing group, seek out your closest one. We literally got a free washer and dryer once. We've gotten groceries, craft supplies, pet supplies, clothes, and all sorts of shit. It's awesome.

On top of that, Instead of donating our old unwanted stuff to places like Goodwill, which wildly mistreat their workers, Buy Nothing lets me donate things directly to my community, without the risk that the sorters at the thrift shop will just throw things in the trash. I've passed along open things of hair care products that I didn't wind up liking but that had nothing wrong with them. I've passed along snacks we didn't like, pet food we didn't wind up using, and all sorts of perishables that would have otherwise gone right in the garbage.

My local group even has regular meetups where people bring all their stuff at once, and it's like a giant garage sale where everything is free.

They have a damn near global presence, so check out the website if you're looking for a local group!

I adore my local Buy Nothing group. We have split into smaller groups twice since I first joined, but I’m still in touch with some of the people I met in the larger groups. I have both given and received so many things through this group and I love knowing that things will have a life beyond their usefulness at my house and won’t just end up in the bin. As well as Junk in the Trunk meet ups like the ones mentioned above, my group does Big Ask, Little Ask from time to time, where people can post some of their current needs, be they small things or larger things, and the rest of the group can see if they’re able to help with any of them. It’s surprising just how much we’re able to do for each other sometimes. It’s not just about stuff, either. Sometimes it’s about someone having a skill or a piece of knowledge that they can use to help other people. Once, someone was having trouble with their cabinet doors and posted some pictures of what was going wrong. Someone in my house looked at the pictures and was able to pinpoint the problem and give advice on how to fix it. The lightweight metal bowls I use in my kitchen nearly every day, the tall retro Tupperware cups in my cupboard, the alarm clock that wakes me in the morning, the high vis jacket I wear at my work every day through winter, the Klimt print in my bedroom, the laundry basket and spare hangers sitting next to my ironing board, the strawberry plants in my garden... they all came through this group.

The Little Free Pantry Project

The Little Free Pantry utilizes a familiar, compelling concept to pique local interest in and action against local food insecurity. The Little Free Pantry offers a place around which neighbors might coalesce to meet neighborhood needs, whether for food or for fun.

The single Little Free Pantry is “little.” Lots of Little Free Pantries might be big. Duplicate freely.

http://www.littlefreepantry.org

Little Free Pantry Plans

My friend who lives in the next suburb to me runs one of these, as well as a Little Street Library. I think they are a fantastic idea.

happy glorious 25th of may

We reference this in our house all the time.

Overhead, a lilac tree was in bloom.

Damn! Damn! Damn! Every year he forgot. Well, no. He never forgot. He just put the memories away, like old silverware that you didn't want to tarnish. And every year they came back, sharp and sparkling, and stabbed him in the heart.

Terry Pratchett, "Night Watch"

May 25th.

The media industry does not understand my needs

I got this comment on a story from my Other AO3 Account this morning.

(Info redacted because I prefer keeping these accounts separate but no one follows me on the side blog I have for that account.)

The story was posted almost a year ago and is relatively “popular” by my average statistics even though it has tropes and themes that are big turnoffs for a lot of people (hence separate accounts). This popularity is undoubtedly because it’s a Marvel Loki story and that fandom is massive.

So there is obviously an algorithm or a bot scrubbing ao3 statistics and leaving this comment on fics that meet a certain metric with the main character of the fic inserted into the comment.

I had a little time to kill this morning so I decided to investigate further. And y’all this is so predatory. Come on this journey with me. It made me mad. It may make you mad.

First, if you go to Webnovel’s website, you HAVE to choose between male lead or female lead stories before you can go any further. WTF?

And that’s weird, but this gets so much worse. This is basically a pay-to-read site that has different subscription models. Which… okay BUT! The authors don’t get paid! Look at that comment again. They’re promising a supportive and nurturing community, but zero monetary compensation. It’s basically, “post your stuff here so we can get paid and you can get… nice vibes?” I mean look at this Orwellian writing:

Using the phrase “pay-to-read model” in the same sentence as “qualitative changes in lifestyles for authors” deliberately makes you think that you can get paid and maybe even make a living on this website. But that’s not actually what it says and authors will not receive one red cent.

Oh but wait, the worst is still to come. In case this breaks containment (which I kind of hope it does) this is where I mention that I’m a lawyer in the US.

I don’t do intellectual property or copyright law but I do read and write contracts for a living. So I went to look at their terms of service. It was fun!

Highlights the first, in which Webnovel gets a license to do basically whatever they want with content you post on their site. This is how they get to be paid for people reading authors’ writing without paying them anything.

Highlights the second, in which Webnovel takes no responsibility for illegally profiting off of fan fic. This all says that the writer is 100% responsible for everything the writer posts (even though only Webnovel is making money from it).

Highlights the third which say that by posting, the author is representing that they have the legal right to use and to let Webnovel use the content according to these terms. So if a writer posts fan fiction and Webnovel makes money from people reading the fan fiction, and the House of the Mouse catches wise, these sections say that that’s ALL on the writer.

So that’s a little skeevy to start off with but the thing that is seriously shitty and made me make this post was that these assholes are coming to ao3. They are actively recruiting people in comments on their fan fiction. And they are saying they are big fans of the character you’re writing about and that they share your interests.

They are recruiting fan fiction writers and giving every impression that you can make money from posting fan fiction on their site and hiding the fact that you absolutely cannot but they can make money off of you while you try, deep in their terms of service which no one but a lawyer who writes fan fic and has some time to kill will read.

I see posts on here regularly from people who don’t understand how this stuff works, don’t understand that they (and others) can not legally make a financial profit from fan fiction. And there are tons of people who will not take the time to dig into the details.

Don’t deal with these bastards. Fuck Webnovel.

just to add, you can report these sort of comments to ao3 as it's against site rules to profit off of your fanworks/mention any kind of funding (e.g. kofi) - that way, these guys might realise that they're not going to successfully swindle the userbase and give up

They're still actively sending these things so heads up to everyone. Report them, do not engage.

TiL (click to go to the thread, which probably has more interesting tidbits I missed).

Bonus:

These are my people.

Betting I’ve reblogged this before. Betting I’ll reblog it when it turns up again.

In addition to the print terminology stuff: the visual shorthand icons and ad graphics for something about writing are still often pen-nibs, fountain pens and typewriters…

…while graphics of a monitor, keyboard and mouse remain visual shorthand for computing…

…even though most writers now use monitor /  keyboard / mouse or even laptop / touchpad.

In addition, headers for “this blog / website is about writing” are often in one of the many imitation typewriter fonts complete with smudges, or just Courier.

The start and end call icons on most / all smartphones is still the handset of a classic desk telephone, and sometimes the open-app icon is a complete phone.

The term “hang up” for “end the call” refers to something even older - one of these…

And of course the Save icon is indeed a 3½ inch floppy disc.

Why it wasn’t a 5¼ floppy is a mystery. The icon version is just as distinctive.

Also, why various OP updates never changed “Save” to the graphic of a CD / DVD or flash drive is another mystery, and nowadays a Save icon should probably be a cartoon cloud.

Graphics and terminology are funny things.

reblogging this again for EVEN MORE information.

Encouragment for writers that I know seems discouraging at first but I promise it’s motivational-

• Those emotional scenes you’ve planned will never be as good on page as they are in your head. To YOU. Your audience, however, is eating it up. Just because you can’t articulate the emotion of a scene to your satisfaction doesn’t mean it’s not impacting the reader. 

• Sometimes a sentence, a paragraph, or even a whole scene will not be salvagable. Either it wasn’t necessary to the story to begin with, or you can put it to the side and re-write it later, but for now it’s gotta go. It doesn’t make you a bad writer to have to trim, it makes you a good writer to know to trim.

• There are several stories just like yours. And that’s okay, there’s no story in existence of completely original concepts. What makes your story “original” is that it’s yours. No one else can write your story the way you can.

• You have writing weaknesses. Everyone does. But don’t accept your writing weaknesses as unchanging facts about yourself. Don’t be content with being crap at description, dialogue, world building, etc. Writers that are comfortable being crap at things won’t improve, and that’s not you. It’s going to burn, but work that muscle. I promise you’ll like the outcome.

“Write what you know” is such odd advice. Like no, I’ve never been left for dead in the pantry of a burning cottage by my lifelong supernatural-research partner, but I know how it feels to be betrayed by a friend. No, I’ve never lived in a town where the residents are collectively possessed by a sorrowful spirit, but I know what it’s like to suddenly lose contact and connection with people dear to me. By no means does “write what you know” have to be biographical. It can be done so beautifully when it’s used relationally.