It's all a Game

warjames:

“It doesn’t help when you’ve already got Alice in Wonderland syndrome and then your parents put on Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dumb costumes,” he pointed, hoping that would be an accurate description for the girl. When everything else was going crazy, was out of control, you needed something consistent, a constant. Ideally, that was your family…. but unfortunately, that often wasn’t the case. Her question was innocent, and he wasn’t one to hide things from people…. she seemed like a good kid, with a good head on her shoulders. “I had pretty good parents, honestly. I didn’t have any siblings so it was just us, we were really close. They were convinced I wouldn’t make it through high school, but hey….. here I am,” that was the short way of putting it, anyway. Though Naomi likely didn’t initially mean it this way, her question was loaded, heavy. “I have a 7 year old daughter. I get to to see here every day, and come home to her every night,” he started, knowing that in some ways that didn’t really answer her question, although it was, truly, the answer. “Brielle is very different from the army, but I am liking it here so far,” he smiled.

Naomi chuckled, nodding her head in agreement, “That’s the truth. I keep trying to figure out who everyone might be, and you’ve nailed it on the head for my parents. Like, the lady who took me from my family, would still probably be the Queen of Hearts. But, who knows.” She sighed, letting the happier moment fill her up and leave just as quickly as it had once come. It seemed that happened to her frequently here. How could she feel consistently happy when everything felt so hopeless? “Good for you. Good to prove people wrong every now and then.” She then quieted, realizing that his life seemed more complicated than he made it seem. A mention of a child, but no real mention of her mother. Mention of his parents, but they didn’t seem to believe in him. Pieces were missing, but he didn’t share, and that was okay with her. Even though she still wondered. “Seven year old daughter. What’s her name?” She smiled, glad that he was allowed to be a good parent because of his job. “What made you want to be a therapist, though?” 

“Well Alice, at least you know you’re not to blame for this. You’re just doing what you’re told and taking on all the people and creatures that come your way... it’s not your fault,” he said reassuringly. Metaphor’s could be good; it could help someone understand things more than fancy medical jargon ever could... it could resonate with a patient. He hoped that’s what was happening with Naomi. “Thank you, it was a tough decision but I knew it was the right one,” he was a grown man, but James still appreciated being recognized and complimented for things, especially things like this. It had not been easy, but it was worth it. “Grace. She’s a handful, but she’s a smart cookie,” he smiled fondly. “Over there, when I was deployed, I was helping people. When I came back... I wanted to help people too. Being overseas takes a huge mental toll on you, but you do it for you country and the people in it. I thought it was time that I start helping the people in it directly, from this end,” James explained. The man was happy he could be honest with the girl, and while that wasn’t his only reason, it was a huge reason why he decided to go back to school, continue his psychology degree. 

“Because it seems like everyone thinks I’m insane!” Lilly exclaimed, then let out a sigh and looked away for a moment. “I’m sorry, I’m just frustrated that nobody believes I was actually in danger.” She shook her head. “I don’t think there’s an issue, but everyone else seems to think so. But I guess I’m safer here than I was at home, I just hope my parents will be okay.” She admitted quietly, that was one of her biggest worries, besides no one believing her, was that the mystery man that was following her would hurt her parents.

“Anyone that actually thinks you’re insane in here, is probably insane themselves,” James said, trying to reason with her. “It’s okay.... you deserve to be believed, and that’s your truth,” he replied. That’s something he had learned very quickly since starting here-- you had to believe your patients if you ever wanted to figure out a cause, or treatment for something. You had to see things from their point of view. “You’re definitely safe here, I can tell you that much. Where are your parents right now?”

Naomi knew her answer, but instead, she left it to herself. She didn’t want to sound like a whiny brat who demanded they give her better genetics and a new skeleton. It just wasn’t possible - so how could they fix her any other way? However, as they moved on, she smirked a little, noticing his empathy towards her syndrome, but yet… she couldn’t blame his interest. How often did it happen? “Yeah. It was. And, I mean… it just makes everything confusing. Like, it’s hard enough sometimes to figure out what’s real. And, then they pull this shit? I don’t know who to believe anymore. Just… ugh.” She tilted her head to the side out of curiosity, “How were your parents?” She wondered if they were shit. Maybe that’s how he could relate so easily. The thought was comforting - the whole ‘you’re not alone in your family struggles’ type thing. But, his next statement made her feel somewhat guilty for even complaining. The Army. What a sacrifice. “And… is it?” She asked, with a grin on her face, knowing his answer. 

“It doesn’t help when you’ve already got Alice in Wonderland syndrome and then your parents put on Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dumb costumes,” he pointed, hoping that would be an accurate description for the girl. When everything else was going crazy, was out of control, you needed something consistent, a constant. Ideally, that was your family.... but unfortunately, that often wasn’t the case. Her question was innocent, and he wasn’t one to hide things from people.... she seemed like a good kid, with a good head on her shoulders. “I had pretty good parents, honestly. I didn’t have any siblings so it was just us, we were really close. They were convinced I wouldn’t make it through high school, but hey..... here I am,” that was the short way of putting it, anyway. Though Naomi likely didn’t initially mean it this way, her question was loaded, heavy. “I have a 7 year old daughter. I get to to see here every day, and come home to her every night,” he started, knowing that in some ways that didn’t really answer her question, although it was, truly, the answer. “Brielle is very different from the army, but I am liking it here so far,” he smiled.

Eden almost countered James’s words, telling him that she was indeed going to be there alone, because she was pretty positive that her wife hated her. But when he spoke again, Eden realized what he meant. “James…” she started softly, her head tilting to the side. Part of Eden wanted to tell him that it wasn’t necessary, but she just let it be. “Thank you. I’m sure it’ll make Emmy even more excited for everything. As if she hasn’t already been talking about it nonstop for, like… a solid month and a half,” Eden giggled. “Failing at least one thing’s the only way to keep the bar from getting too high today. Or, I could give you A+ Motivational-therapist-Eden™ advice. You ready for this?” She paused, dramatically clearing her throat before continuing. “You could keep doing everything that you’re doing so that today’s super awesome, and then use it as a base for other days, y’know? Like, try to set the bar even higher than today.” Eden held her arms out in a shrugging motion, “eh? How was that? A+, right?” James’s surprise caught Eden a little off-guard. So much so that she had to try to think about what it is that she’d said to him that he was questioning. “…Yes, James. Really. Does nobody compliment you? “

James had always been a bit of comic relief, and so that’s exactly what he played into; “If you have an emotional breakdown at Emmy’s school, you won’t be back at work here, which means I’ll be stuck with another supervisor that thinks I’m like 19,” the male leveled. Of course that wasn’t the full reason, though..... he genuinely did want to be there for her. It wasn’t easy raising a little girl on your own-- James of all people knew that. He crossed his arms, waiting as Eden gave her best motivational speech. James listened intently before he was unable to hold in the inevitable laugh. “--don’t forget to ‘have fun’, too!” he chimed in. “I’d say that was pretty darn motivational,” she was like a little cheerleader, always full of light “Well-- I mean, this is work stuff, so like... it’s serious. It’s not usually stuff you get complimented on,” he tried to explain.

“That’s alright, don’t worry about it. I mean, it’s not like they can fix me anyways.” She mumbled quietly. Why did she even need treatment? Could they provide her with an entirely new skeleton? Change her genetic code so she wouldn’t break all the time? Stop the blue flash in her scleras when her bones broke? They couldn’t fix her. “But, yeah, it’s real life Wonderland for me. It’s cool, in theory, I s’pose.” She sighed, trying to smile for his sake. He seemed to be trying so hard, so she had to give him some confidence that he was getting through to her. “I think they’re shit. Pardon my language, but, I think they should have told me. And, it just… makes me wonder why they didn’t tell me. Like, did it make me less of a person? It just… it could have prevented a lot of injuries.” She looked down - she was hoping the tests would be possibly wrong, so she could just… go home. “That’s fair. I guess there’s no other options, huh?” She smiled weakly again, “So, what made you want to do all this stuff?”

“Why not? How do you define ‘fix’?” he said, mostly posing the question for her to ponder and answer, rather than for him to hear the answer itself. James nodded slowly as he listened, “In theory, but.... not in practice,” he didn’t want to discount her experiences. Even if the syndrome itself was fascinating, it likely wasn’t something one wanted to experience all the time. “Not telling you was a shitty-person kind of thing to do,” James relaxed into the back of his chair, appreciating her blunt honesty. “If anything, it made them less of parents... as a parent, the idea is to protect your child.... although they likely thought otherwise -and justified it in their own rights- at the end of the day, they didn’t protect you to the extent they should have. They can’t protect you from everything, but they can protect -or help you get through- a lot of things,” he explained. He was good at separating his personal life from his work, but he couldn’t imagine not doing everything he could for Grace.... it just didn’t seem right. “Not many. It’s a start, though,” he sighed, wishing he could do more for her right now. “I served in the Army for 10 years.... thought it might be time to settle down, see what the office job life is really as exciting as they say,”

She would be lying if she said she was in a joking mood right now. Lilly felt like she was definitely on the verge of crying because she was starting to question her sanity again. Lilly didn’t often question her sanity, because she knew she was sane, but there were times when she started to wonder if her mind was really playing tricks on her and that no one was trying to hurt her. “Because I’m starting to question my sanity.” She admitted honestly, looking away from the man, partly in shame and partly in despair.

James exhaled, trying to gather both of them, and focus his own thoughts and words. “Because you’re in here, or....?” he asked openly, wanting to understand why she felt that way. “Being in an institute like Brielle doesn’t mean you’re insane... it just means there’s an issue, and this is where the best place to fix it is,” James said then, hoping that if her concern was over the facility -like many others were- then she wasn’t alone.

“Nooooo,” Eden whined the word out in a child-like manner. “The separation’s fine, I work a lot and she’s stayed at my sister’s house for long periods of time – that part’s fine,” she trailed off. She could tell James the reason… he wasn’t just another nosey staff member. In fact, she could probably just leave the topic alone and he’d know not to push it. But it’d be better if she didn’t, and Eden knew that. “I don’t… I don’t want to be there alone. A-And I know she’ll be fine if it’s just me, but I… I don’t know.” She immediately smiled at his words, “thank you, thank you. Impressing you was my goal the entire time.” Eden nodded her head slowly, the smile on her face not fading, “you are setting the bar super high for yourself. Maybe you should… chill,” she teased. “I mean, help definitely wouldn’t suck. Plus, I should be doing my best to make sure you’re getting all of the experience in all of the things. I’ve only talked to one of them a few other times, so she might be a little weary of having some stranger there, honestly. But I’m sure after a little bit she’ll start warming up to you being there, you’re not bad at what you do.”

“So, then you’re not going to be there alone,” James put a lot of thought into his answer, but at the same time it was a no brainer.... it was the least he could do, after all. “I’ll even bring Grace, too. Worst comes to worst she can show her the ropes,” that’s one thing his daughter had deifnitely gotten from Kaylie.... she was always so, so good with kids. “I need to be failing a couple of things, don’t I? You know, just to level it out...” he smiled. “Yes, so that I can learn all of the knowledge,” James nodded, “I can sit in a corner silently, or not at all....  whatever works best,” he said, knowing it was a privilege to even sit in on a session, and not wanting to overstep any patients’ boundaries either. “......Really...?” he was so wrapped up in just getting the opportunity, Eden’s compliment had almost gone over his head.

Naomi nodded - she wouldn’t push anything, and he was right. He was an intern, and while he offered great suggestions, she really did need expertise. “Not all the time. When the episodes happen, they follow a migraine. They put me on a lot of medications, and they work for a while, but my body just… gains a tolerance. The next thing I know, your table is the size of this room and your shoes are tiny enough for a mouse. But, I don’t always lose time. Sometimes, it just passes after a few days. And, sometimes…” She was rambling again, but… it was so difficult to explain, she felt. “They called it parental neglect, because I didn’t know about my own conditions and they never tried to have anything treated. Even though they supposedly knew.” She weakly smiled. nodding slowly as she looked down. Did she really want a confirmation that she was as fragile as a porcelain doll? She figured they’d force her, so better to go willingly. “I guess. But, do you think those tests could ever just be… wrong?”

“I mean I’m no doctor, so my help is a little.... limited in that department. But I’m pretty sure the migraines are an important bit in this, if they happen everytime beforehand. That’s..... really strange,” James said, fascinated by how normal things became inflated or minuscule for the girl. “It’s okay, it’s a confusing thing. Something like this is never going to be straight forward,” he said honestly. Truly, nothing in life was ever a nice, neat straight line.... but that didn’t mean it was ‘unsolvable’ either. “That makes sense.... You’re certainly old enough and bright enough to understand, What do you think of all that...?” he asked then. Mostly, James just wanted to know her position and interpretation before he decided to comment on her family. “In theory, sure, but.... it’s likely not. Science has gotten pretty good at those things. But, we’ll leave it tot he scientists, the doctors, to tell you exactly what the results say.... okay? And either way, we’re here to help figure out what to do to help you, no matter what tests say. We find out, and then we go from there,”

“Less than a week from today,” Eden said, a weary expression on her face. She never wanted to be one of those parents – the kind who made their child going to preschool some huge, emotional ordeal. But with everything that had happened with Sidney, dropping Emmy off alone seemed like some fact of betrayal, the final knife in Sidney’s back. “Yeah,” Eden nodded quickly at his question, eager to not talk about preschool. “I was a supervisor there when I was in college. That job’s totally what made me decide to be a therapist, even though it was probably the most stressful job I’ve ever had,” she shrugged. “Look at you! You’re making me look bad with all that you’ve accomplished, and the day’s still young.” She narrowed her eyes slightly as she tried to think further into the day, “not drop a book on my head while I’m trying to rush out of here’s pretty high up on my to-do list. Um… I have, like, two patients scheduled for a little later this afternoon. So your productivity level for today’s still gonna have mine beat.”

“Should I be preparing for post partum depression....???” James asked, half joking, but also deadly serious. He remembered how Kaylie had dealt with it --or rather, didn’t deal with it. She had been a stay at home mom for years and then... poof. Suddenly your kid was gone. “Damn, sounds like that worked out well for you then!” honestly, he was impressed. He knew he took the round about way of getting here -- he was 33 and an intern, after all. “Yeah, okay Eden, this is the most productive day I’ve had in months,” James replied, giving her a look. “Need any help with them? I know I’m still sort of in the introductory phase, but....” honestly, his #1 concern coming to Brielle was that he’s not be taken seriously. Not that that’s what Eden would do, but in general.... he was multitasking so much, and he just wanted to make sure he was doing it right, that he had everything in line.

“I’ve met them both,” he confirmed, thinking back briefly to the two women he’d met earlier in his stay. He couldn’t recall either of their names but their white coats stuck out starkly in his memories. Brody hadn’t decided on James’ motives as of that point. He seemed to treat him with kid gloves, smothering his words in kindness and good intent. He saw it as disingenuous, manipulative, and horrifyingly convincing. 

James hadn’t been expecting that response from him, but was happy with it none the less. “That’s good!” at least Brody was on track. “They’re good people, don’t worry. I know it might be hard to settle into a routine here, but it happens, and it works,” he nodded slowly. “Have you seen your friends yet?” he asked then, taking a hunch that Brody had been a part of that big group that had come in.

Keeping his eyes trained on the floor, Brody shrugged. He didn’t want to open his mouth and end up saying something that would let them know he was onto their operation, knowing that would probably lead to trouble. He’d managed to only answer the basics so far, even during the poking and prodding formally know as an exam, and talking about the facility was a risk not worth taking. 

James knew there was a high chance the boy wouldn’t talk, but his job was to accommodate these kinds of indifferences, so that he could be on just as much of an even playing field as someone who would talk. “Well, if you’d like I can help you figure out who you’re assigned to? I’ll let you know which ones are the super cool ones too,” he said lightly.