I could feel my heart beating against my chest. It was beating so loud, how could they not hear it? I pulled the ridiculously short sea-green dress down my thighs, wishing I were somewhere else. Peeking outside, I scanned the room, taking note of the regulars and the newcomers.
“You ready, Sugar?”
I whirled around just as Shepherd slung his arm around my shoulders, peeking through the makeshift curtains, as well. A smirk appeared on his clean-shaven face, the rings on his fingers glinting against the spotlight, catching my eye. I shuddered, looking at the rings, each one having a different symbol etched onto the band.
“As ready as I’ll ever be, Shep.” I answered, taking a deep breath. His lips brushed across my cheek and I fought the urge to shudder once more.
“You’ll do great. Just stick to the plan, Sugar.”
With that, he left, walking to the other side of the curtain, into the middle of the bar. Just like we planned.
I heard the bartender –Wolf, we called him –speak into the microphone set-up on a small platform, our makeshift stage. He called out my name and I stepped out from behind the curtains, the spotlight making me squint my eyes for a moment before it adjusted. A bar stool waited for me and I sat on top of it, the microphone close to my lips. I closed my eyes, listening to my own heartbeat as it quickened, swelling into a crescendo–
There was no one in the room. Just me. Just my music.
I grabbed the microphone in my hands just as I heard the soft music come in from the speakers set up around the dimly lit bar. And then I opened my mouth –and sang.
I didn’t open my eyes, letting the music wash over me, soothing my body, filling my mind, consuming my soul. It was like a fire, a fire that was slowly eating me alive. My voice, my being –it intertwined with the melody and each note was a spark, each word causing the flames to dance to life around me.
At last, the song came to a halt. I opened my eyes to the loud applause of the people inside the bar. Some people were screaming, asking me to sing another song. But that wasn’t the plan.
It only took one song to reel them in anyway.
With a smile, I got to my feet and stepped down the stage, making my way to the back of the bar, towards the exit. Most of the regulars would’ve already went back to their usual business, used to the bar’s routine. I heard excited chatter behind me as I reached the door; the nervous beating of my heart drowned the different voices out though.
I pushed the door open and stepped out into the night, the coolness of the air hitting me hard. A few seconds later, the door swung open as Shepherd came out, handing his black leather jacket to me. I accepted it and hurriedly pushed my bare arms into the armholes, pulling it close to my body.
Shepherd was smiling at me, taking out his lighter; an image of a mermaid was engraved into the silver metal and he flicked the lid open, using it to light his cigarette. I avoided his gaze, staring instead on the cars passing by on the streets. I heard him exhale and smelled the smoke floating towards me; I coughed. Taking the hint, Shepherd moved to stand in front of me instead, facing the street as well; he knew that the smoke might damage my voice and he didn’t want that to happen.
He couldn’t afford to damage me. Not again.
“As usual, Sugar, you enchanted them.”
I didn’t answer. I didn’t know what to say.
“Ten minutes. I’ll meet you inside.”
With that, Shepherd threw his cigarette to the ground and went back into the bar. The door opened and I briefly heard the booming laugh of Rocky from inside. The door shut behind him and I was alone.
I sighed. Alone. Finally. This was the only time of the day that I cherished –the silent rolling of the waves before they crashed against the shore. Leaning back against the wall, I wrapped my arms around me, closing my eyes and swallowing back the tears.
“Angel.”
I gasped and stepped back, my eyes focusing on the man standing in front of me. He wore a plain white shirt, a stark contrast to his black jeans. His dark brown hair looked windblown, the thick brown leather bracelet still wrapped around his right wrist.
“You can’t be here.” I whispered, taking another step back, shaking my head. I could hear my heart thudding against my chest, threatening to reveal the fear that coursed through my body.
“I needed to see you. To hear you.” He reached out to me, closing the space between us. He caught my hands in his but I pulled away, my eyes darting to the door, afraid that it would open and Shepherd would come out.
“Please, Jet, please go.” I said quietly.
“I will. But you’re coming with me.” Jet replied, pulling me into his arms. I laid my head on his chest, listening to the steady beat of his heart. It was so calm –like the ocean.
“I’m not taking no for an answer, Angel.” Jet said, kissing the top of my head and pulling me closer to him.
“You know I can’t. I can’t escape him, Jet. He’ll kill us both if he finds out.” I whispered, pushing him away. But he refused to let me go, settling his hands on my waist instead.
“I won’t let that happen to you, Angel. You know that.” Jet said, his grip on my waist tightening. His jaw tensed and I knew he was thinking of that time. The time when Shepherd caught me talking to a guy I wasn’t supposed to and had hit me.
“I can’t risk it. I can’t risk you.”
“And I won’t just stand by while he takes control of your life, Angel.”
“Her name’s Sugar.”
I pushed Jet away, my blood running cold. Jet stood in front of me, his fists clenching at his sides. Shepherd had his arms crossed and he stared at me with a frown.
“After all I’ve done for you, Sugar,” he said, a murderous look on his face. His eyes travelled from me to Jet, who stood between Shepherd and I. “This is how you repay me. By choosing little Jetty over our family.”
“Fuck you, Shep. You don’t get to call yourself her family after what you’ve put her through.” Jet replied.
“And you do?” Shepherd laughed. “Please. You barely know her. Do you know what that girl has done for me? For our family?” A smile spread across Shepherd’s face and I felt as if I was caught in a wave, the waters pulling me beneath the surface. Drowning me.
Jet’s muscles tensed. “I love her. Not that you understand that concept.”
Shepherd’s frown deepened, his arms falling to his sides. “Well I’ll be damned if I let you walk away with my girl. Hell, I’ll be damned if I let you walk away at all.”
I froze. “No, Shep. Don’t do this, please.”
I felt two thick arms around my waist and I let out a cry as Rocky pulled me against him, trapping me. Before Jet could turn around, Shepherd swung his arm. Jet narrowly missed Shepherd’s punch; he ducked and threw his own punch but Shepherd had been in enough fights to know his opponent’s possible moves.
“Rocky, let me go, please!” I cried, struggling against his grasp. Rocky sighed sadly behind me. “I’m sorry, Sugar.”
Wolf burst out from the back door, along with Sheep and Dusk. They saw Jet and Shepherd fighting and then they looked at me, struggling against Rocky’s grip. Dusk shot me a sad look.
Jet punched Shepherd’s face and Shepherd reeled back, shocked that someone had managed to land a punch on him.
“Let her go, Shep. You know she deserves better than this.” Jet said quietly.
Shepherd’s eyes narrowed to Jet and he cracked his knuckles, standing straighter. “You’re not going to last the night, Jetty. I gave you a chance to walk away! Why can’t you just walk away?”
“I’m not walking away from her, Shep.”
“Well fuck you! My debt has been paid in full, Jetty! I don’t owe you anything!” Shepherd bellowed. Then his eyes turned sad. For a moment, I thought Shepherd was going to change his mind. He’d been friends with Jet ever since they were children. But Shepherd gestured to Wolf, Sheep and Dusk. “Kill him.”
“No!” I screamed, trying to free myself from Rocky in vain. “Jet! Run!”
“C’mon.” Shepherd told Rocky, holding the door open for Rocky and I. Rocky gripped my wrist tightly, yanking me towards the bar. I looked back at Jet and saw that he managed to punch Sheep on his jaw but Wolf got a jab at Jet’s shoulder and Dusk stood to the side, pulling up the back of his shirt. I saw the glint of the gun before Dusk even pulled it out.
“No! Please, Shep, please! I’ll do anything! Just let him go! Please!” I cried, tears streaming down my cheeks.
Rocky dragged me into the bar and Shepherd slammed the door behind us. He pulled out his gun, raised his arm into the air and fired. I winced and shook my head, trying to get my hearing back; it was so close, too close. All at once, people around the bar panicked. Everybody in there that wasn’t in our “family” ran for the door, shoving and pushing one another.
Rocky yanked my arm and pulled me into the middle of the bar, near the stage. There was an uncomfortable look on his face and I knew that he never wanted to hurt me, didn’t mean to hurt me. Shepherd, on the other hand, yanked me out of Rocky’s grip and slammed the butt of his gun to my temple. I fell to the ground, hitting the mic stand in the process. The microphone hit the floor with a thud. My vision spun and I could feel something sticky dripping down the side of my face.
“Jesus, Shep! You’re going to kill her!” Bait yelled.
“She’s of no use to us anymore.”
“What about the rules, Shep? Huh?” Rocky’s thunderous voice boomed somewhere above me. I struggled to get to my feet but my head felt like it weighed a ton. “We stick together, no matter what. Was that just bullshit?”
“She’s not one of us anymore! She broke the rules!” Shepherd screamed, a maniacal edge to his voice.
“What rule, Shep? She never left, for God’s sake! She’s still here with us!” Rocky retorted. I managed to pull myself together long enough to get to my feet, grabbing onto the bar stool that was still on stage for support.
“Step aside, Rocky! I’m going to kill her!”
My gaze snapped back to Shepherd, who was looking at me with wild eyes. The sound of my heartbeat roared in my ears and I couldn’t breathe, knowing this could be the last night of my life.
Rocky blocked Shepherd’s view of me. “No. Dammit, Shepherd. This isn’t you. Pull yourself together!”
And then there was a gunshot.
For a moment, nobody moved. Bait, Bell, Don and Star didn’t move, their eyes wide, mouths agape. Then, Rocky fell to the ground, a bullet lodged in his skull. Star screamed, her hands flying to her mouth as she stumbled back, fear evident in her eyes. Don rushed to her side, holding her in his arms.
“Oh my God.” Bait whispered, his voice shaking.
“What the hell, Shep?!” Bell bellowed, rushing towards Shepherd and grabbing a fistful of his shirt. “You killed Rocky! He’s our brother! How could you–”
Shepherd shoved Bell to the ground and shot him in the head as well. I saw Don leading Star to the exit, running as fast as they could. Bait couldn’t move, he was so scared; he was so young.
Shepherd turned his gaze to me. I froze.
“You made me lose everything, Sugar. Everything.”
“I didn’t make you shoot Rocky and Bell!” I screamed, tears streaming down my cheeks.
“You were supposed to be mine!” Shepherd snarled, striding towards me. I tried to run to the back door but Shepherd pulled me back, slamming my back against the wall. “You’re an ungrateful bitch, Sugar! After everything! After all I’ve done for you this is how you repay me?!”
Two gunshots sounded outside and I screamed.
“You hear that? That’s the sound of your boyfriend crumpling to the ground, dead! That’s right, he’s dead! And now Rocky and Bell are dead too! Do you hear me?! They’re dead! They’re all dead because of you!”
“Let me go, Shepherd!” I yelled, shoving him with all I had. He held the barrel of his gun to my head and I stared him in the eye, all the anger and hatred and pain finally rising to the surface. “Do it! Shoot me! I dare you, Shepherd! Kill me!”
“Don’t think I won’t!” he yelled back angrily, pressing the barrel into the side of my head.
“If Jet’s dead then I have nothing to live for! Come on, kill me! I dare you!”
Flames danced in his eyes and anger and hurt was plainly visible on his face.
Bang.
Shepherd’s eyes widened. I stopped breathing. Our eyes met and in that moment, I saw the smiling face of Shepherd, nudging me gently towards the dingy makeshift stage, encouraging me to pursue my dream.
To sing.
He looked down, then fell back, collapsing to the ground just as blood spread through his shirt.
“Angel?” Jet’s voice pulled me out of the nightmare in front of me. I looked to my side and saw him holding Dusk’s gun. There was a cut on his lower left eye, a long gash on his other cheekbone and it looked like skin had torn from his knuckles. But he was alive.
I ran to him, throwing my arms around him. “I thought you were dead. Oh God, thank you. You’re here. You’re here, Jet. Thank God.”
He pulled me close, burying his face in my hair. “I’m here. I thought he had taken you away. I can’t lose you.” His voice broke at the last words as he held onto me fiercely, like he was never going to let me go.
I heard a gun clatter on the ground and looked behind me. Dusk had kicked Shepherd’s gun to the middle of the room, too far for Shepherd to reach. Dusk looked like he had taken a few hits himself, and I was again grateful that I had him as a friend.
Bait was still standing where he was a few minutes ago, seeming rooted to the ground. I didn’t blame him; he was new and had never seen Shepherd kill a man before. Tonight, Shepherd killed two of our brothers.
“Sorry, brother,” Dusk whispered to Shepherd. Shepherd stared at him and I realized that he was still alive.
Shepherd chuckled and we could hear a gurgling sound coming from his throat, then he spit blood to the ground. “You bastards. So was this the plan? In the end…you ungrateful bastards…kill me?”
“We never wanted anyone to get hurt.” Dusk said. “You brought it upon yourself and our family. Now look at where’s it gotten you, Shep.”
Shepherd laughed still and I winced, knowing that the sound of his dying laughter would forever haunt me in my sleep.
“I…made this family! Huh…can’t believe…you would bet…ray me, Dusk…Brother…”
“I didn’t betray you,” Dusk replied quietly. “You betrayed us.”
Shepherd tried to lift his head from the floor. His eyes found mine and I clutched the front of Jet’s shirt, terrified.
“If…I can’t…have you…Sugar…nobody will.”
He withdrew the lighter from his pocket, flicked it open and threw it to the wooden floorboards, chuckling. The flames crawled over the floor, quick to spread thanks to all the alcohol people have spilled on it.
Dusk’s eyes widened and he ran for Bait, grabbing the kid and pulling him to the other exit.
Jet grabbed my hand and we made our way out of the building, using the back door as our escape. Jet pushed open the door and ushered me outside; I followed him and he closed the door to the bar, breathing hard. I looked at Wolf and Sheep, lying dead in the back of the alley.
“Let’s go, Angel.”
Jet grabbed my hand and led me to the front of the bar, where Dusk and Bait were standing, staring as the bar we all came to call home for the past few years was engulfed in flames.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered, to everyone.
Dusk shook his head and when our eyes met, I understood.
“Are you okay, Angel?” Jet asked me, his expression anxious.
And for the first time in my life, I nodded –and meant it.
“We should go before the cops arrive.” Dusk said, shooting a worried glance a Bait, who was just staring at the ground, apparently still in shock.
All of us started to move away. But I looked back. I looked back at the flames dancing in the bar’s windows, the smoke coming out of the open door.
No one in town could ever understand why that bar was still in business; it offered the same things that the other bars in town offered but its interior and façade were old, out of place, out of its time. Nobody understood why people flocked to that bar every night. Nobody understood why.
The blinking sign just above the door was now covered in smoke, but I knew that sign. I knew what it meant. I knew why people were drawn to that bar.
“Angel?”
The smoke cleared and for a fraction of a second, I saw her. She was smiling, her face outlined by the blinking neon lights. Her hand stretched out to me, beckoning me to go back. She was so calm, so peaceful, sitting atop a boulder, her tail stretched out for everyone to see. I considered going back.
But the smoke rose and she disappeared behind it.
I pulled Shepherd’s leather jacket tighter around me, my final memory of him and everyone who died in the bar.
“Angel?” Jet said, laying a hand on my shoulder.
“Goodbye, Shep.”
My heartbeat slowed to a normal as we walked away from the burning bar, the ocean finally calm once more.
