Thank you

I’m already getting better. The headaches are disappearing, I’m feeling less tired, I’m not out of breath anymore and I’m finding some energy again.

I do still have my eye that twitches, muscle spasms and sometimes the feeling that my toes are going to cramp. So consider the worst over :) I’ll be at my 100% very fast now!

I’m trying my best to stay healthy! But as I explained in this post my health really isn’t that amazing :) I’m starting to see a pattern though. April and October are usually the months something is very wrong. 

I agreed with my doctor to start taking regular blood tests now because honestly, everytime something is wrong it feels l’ve been send to hell and I get scared to eat because I always get more tired after I eat. 

Like I also said in the other post, I’m so sorry that now I know I’m getting better, I’ve planned a few days off of work to make it up to all my readers

It’s certainly not that I’ve lost motivation or don’t feel like writing anymore, just some personal problems. Still, thanks a lot for caring about me

Hi

I’m alive. I’ve been feeling pretty much dead lately, but I’m alive.

Since about a year and a half / almost two, I have been suffering badly from vitamine deficiensies which can make me feel extremely tired and washed-out. All the results from an operation I had more than 5 years ago.

In july/august 2015 I started feeling extremely tired. To spike my energy, I started drinking lots and lots of water and that helped a lot, until in october 2015 it got worse again and I went to the doctor’s office for a blood test. I had iron deficiency anemia. 

I got some supplements and some tests done, nothing strange found, but the supplements didn’t work. My body has problems to absorb the iron, so it’s not my diet that’s the problem either. As a result, in November 2015 I had to go to the hospital to get iron via infusion. Tiredness gone within a week!

Then in april 2016 I started feeling very tired again. It usually takes me a month or so to conclude ‘there really is something wrong’, so after a month of suffering, I went to the doctor’s office again and my Iron deficiency anemia had returned. I was sent back to the hospital and the doctor there gave me a different infusion, one that is much stronger so I would last longer. 

October 2016. Again freaking tired. When I say tired, imagine staying in your bed for 15 hours and still feeling tired and every small thing you do seems to be too much. I got to the point where I would wake up in the morning and once I took the stairs up, I had to ‘rest’ for five minutes because my heart would act crazy and I’d be out of breath as if I just ran a marathon... 

I went back to the doctor’s office, thinking it was my iron, and got another blood test. Result: Iron is perfectly fine, but vitamine B12 and folic acid is VERY LOW. So then I got a lot of B12 syringes in a very short period and since then I have to get a new syringe of B12 on a monthly basis. As for the folic acid, I take by supplements. Mostly when you start with syringes of B12, it’s for the rest of your life. A normal human body has three years of excess stocked of B12, so if you have a deficiency of that, it’s your body that’s not absorbing it.

And if that ain’t enough, now it’s april 2017, and I am somewhat short on freaking magnesium; which you can find in EVERY FOOD YOU EAT. I’ve known since last thursday after another blood test and now I’m taking magnesium supplements. I’m already feeling quite better since, I expect to be back to normal somewhere around wednesday or so at this rate. My doctor also says my iron is decreasing but he’s keeping an eye on that so that I don’t have to walk into the doctor’s office like a zombie anymore. 

So now you know why I’ve been ‘dead’. This weekend I’ve already felt better and I’m rewriting entire part 2 and 3 of Renegade 5, because I thought of something during my absence and I can’t let that thought go. I also booked in some holidays at the start of next week so I can also write entire chapter 6 and make it up to you all by posting that one really fast

My apologies for looking dead, sure many of you have been worried 

You have no idea how much I love you back~ 

You make me really happy for doing what I like to do, the way I like to do. I can’t feel any more appreciated than that. It feels like you’re fulfilling part of a girl’s childhood dream.

Huge hugs!!!

I can’t get over how kind and considerate this fandom is. Seriously!I love being here. I’m staying forever. Just because everyone’s so nice. ❤Back in the day, I wrote for another fandom. I remember working on one chapter for three weeks non-stop. Coming home, spending my free time working on that, spending my entire weekends on that as well. One rewrite, Two rewrites, Three rewrites. Sometimes I look back at that writing and wonder: “How did I write this? HOWWWWWWW????!!!!”Within the first day after I updated, I got so many update questions on the next chapter, most pretty blunt, “When’s next part coming?”, that I felt pressured and afterwards pretty much fucked up my entire fic because I wrote serious mistakes in the fic due to the pressure. Never again, I said.

I have a small confession to make... Please don’t get mad. Last weekend, I finished chapter 5 but I’m still trying to correct bits and pieces by rewriting them. It’s not so bad that it would fuck up my fic; storywise there’s no mistake in there at all. It’s purely the writing that bothers me a little.I told myself: “Try to fix it as good as you can this week, and if you can’t, that’s ok! Other opportunities will arise to practice on it”. So no matter what, I’m putting it on here Sunday. I hope it’ll be the version I desire to achieve. We shall see!

Love delight~ ❤

Omo

It’s as if you can read through me, Anon. While I write, I often look at pictures and gifs…

Now you have to know, I love entire EXO. I love each and every one of the members. They are all amazing, they are all out-of-the-heavens God-like, I would be heartbroken if anything happened to them.

But I have a HUGE WEAK for Chanyeol. *admits it*

There are so many pictures of him that inspire me, so many pictures that are my favorite- The list is endless ~ 

Some here:

For the story, I try to write Chanyeol more as he appears to me in real life. Smart, talented, cute, hot, bit of a dork, shy with girls… 

Stylewise the same. In my story I try to aim more for Chanyeol with his hoodies, large t-shirts, caps, sportswear, …. Unless he’s lecturing!

Assistant Professor Chanyeol I see more like the first one on the bottom row of both photo collages! Dressed up but not too much. The tie would be that little too much for him, I imagine. 

I love Chanyeol and his hoodies. Gives the impression of a warm person for some reason. Maybe because hoodies are warm? ~ 

Now you have to know that when I write, I have lots of excess space free on my desktop to put pictures and such. I can basically stare at him the entire time while writing, without having to switch windows. 

This is my work-environment:

And this is what happens when I’m working:

At my left -> Chrome with at least 3 tabs: Google Translate, Macmillian dictionary, ThesaurusIn the middle -> Picture of Chanyeol… Renegade word document… Another picture of Chanyeol (These change constantly!)At my right -> This screen I don’t always need, so when it’s not in use, there’s always a gif playing. These also change constantly, but my ultimate favorite? Call me baby Chanyeol!Bonus -> 2 Happiness Delight water bottles at the far left and an EXO mousemat~ 

So when I don’t know how to solve a certain issue in my writing I can look at Chanyeol and ask him for help haha. He’s been very helpful!Likewise when I write other stories, my entire desktop transforms to suit that EXO member. They all help me out.

Now you know how I brainstorm, how I write, how I get my inspiration picture-wise. I hope this answer is what you hoped for!

Hi there Anon, 

No biggie! I have this weird tendency to write several things at the same time… I have to write chronologically in my stories, but between stories I constantly switch. This keeps things interesting for me, too, because I already know what’s going to happen in my stories.

For Renegade, I am guessing I’ve written 1/3rd of Chapter 5 already? Don’t take my word for it, I suck at estimating these things. I often think it’s shorter than it really is, and when I give you a release date I work hard to reach that date but there’s always something in my writing I’m not happy about or that isn’t going well *drops head on desk* :( 

Lately I’ve been quite distracted by the idea of a new Suho series - Sorry!- But now I have my mind back, Renegade will be my main focus again. I miss those two!

Right now the release order should be:

1. Renegade Pt 5.2. Bittersweet (Baekhyun oneshot)3. Till Death Do Us Part, Pt 1 (New Suho series I’m going to work on!)4. Renegade Pt 6.

I guess this means I’m writing it! 

Omo so much research to do on one little thing… This has to be accurate. I am not going to go for anything less than that. It has to be perrrrfect

I really hope I can bring this story as good as it deserves to be brought!

Love!

Thank you honey! Time is vital in my writing - well eh… procrastrination is lol-

When I have the feeling a chapter is going to be boring AF, I just let it lay there for a few days, think back to it regularly and then suddenly *poof* there’s this wonderful miracle that happens! An idea that pops up in my head that is just the ultimate perfection and it makes so much goddamn sense that I wonder why I didn’t think of that before. This is why everyone needs to wait longer sometimes haha.

I got the same thing with chapter 5 again a few days ago. This is why I’ll never try to rush the thinking of the story, but I do rush the writing! From that particular new idea there’s one little thing I’m contemplating of now and it feels like a choice between ‘blood, sand or salt’, but I hope to find something better. Once it’s all beautifully shaped in my mind, I want to get it to my readers asap.

Right now, I’m working out an Angst named Bittersweet while I keep chewing on that last idea before I continue writing on Renegade. At my writing in Renegade, I’m at that part where that new idea needs to be added and somehow I can’t write the later parts without writing that first uuggggghhhh. I have to write in chronological order, I don’t know why, but I have to *personal struggles*

(For those who want more info on how Procrastination works, this man explains it amazingly, he’s spot on: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fxbCHn6gE3U ). 

Also sweetie, it’s not because I don’t have a request box for stories or something displayed on my page saying requests are open/closed, that you can’t ask me for a story. Send me your request, let me procrastinate on it for a while and I’ll bring it to you, agreed? ^^ If you believe I’m the writer to work out your story as you imagine it, then I will be honored to do so for you. 

And this answer is so long again, sorry, I really can’t help it

It’s a handicap. A writer’s handicap…

My manager at work often asks me to give her the summary of mails where she’s in CC and I’ve responded: “Give me the summary” (10 sentences is a lot, for my manager).

And my co-worker is like: “You explained that very well, but you wrote an entire book again”. “As long as the end user gets it"

At least I’ve gotten some people to understand the problem because I’m not lousy to give them a complete explanation!

I only started a month or two ago. Other fanfiction writers have build their way up, too. All things considered, with one ongoing story and one smut out, I currently have 242 followers (it increases quite quickly). I believe that’s an achievement in itself already.

What I consider to be a very important factor in my writing is that I do it for myself. Sometimes I fiddle fifteen minutes with two sentences so I have a smooth ‘overflow’ between them (e.g.: Going from Fact-telling to story-telling, I hate it when the ‘jump’ is too obvious. I want you to go ‘Oh wait I’m already back at the story and I haven’t even realised it’. ). I’m pretty sure most of my readers don’t care that much, but I do. 

Followers in itself can’t be my only motivation. They help though, I admit! When I feel stuck to start writing again, I also read comments to motivate me and that gives me the final nudge to get to it. Once I’m in it, I never encounter a problem though. I motivate myself with all writing challenges my own story throws at me!

Now, I’m working out the details of the segments of both chapter 5 and 6. For these I’m certain it’s much better if I first plan both of them completely, otherwise I may run into trouble.

Funny what an idea can do when you’re driving to work on a Monday morning. The main idea of the story I had within a day or two haha.

Nah, there was definitely something else happening down there!(y/n)’snails pinched into Chanyeol’s back as she held on to him closely, her heavybreaths aligned perfectly to Chanyeol’s movements. Withthe same frequency, his mind flooded with the thoughts of how much he lovedthis girl he was being intimate with …

Maybe I should’ve put ‘back and forth movements’? I hoped the ‘intimate’ would cover it. Errrrr… 

My readers all suffering together with me for the new chapters. For me to write them, for you to wait for them haha. I like looking at it like this. All suffering together!

You mean in Chapter 4 of Renegade? I held back there because the emphasis had to be on the whole marking thing. I also think I’d kill the writer…*reads elaborate written smut scene when all of a sudden*“SORRY!” *Chanyeol runs away*ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?! Like no orgasm nothinggggggg~ How dare you!!!!

I’ll leave the smut for the one-shot smut works or dedicated smut-chapters haha. Also, it’s a new couple that’s having sex for the second time. Not much interesting is going to happen. 

In my story I write what’s important to the story, and sometimes that means cutting out smut or -what I’ve had to do a lot already-, killing darlings (writers term). Everything for the greater good of the story.

While writing Punish me, I made myself a smut writing guideline (yeah I’m that much of an analyst). And although Punish me smut happened in a bedroom, point 9 of my guideline says this:

9.GET OUT OF THE BEDROOM

I haveoccupied myself with ‘analysing’ what women like to read in smut and one ofthose things is locations. You will notice that the bedroom is a lot lesspopular and women like more challenging locations such as the CEO’s office, thekitchen and even that small space between the two sinks in the toilets of thatdancing club. Same for the situations that cause your characters to haveintercourse. Think outside the women ‘reality box’. Take the sex elsewhere. Letthat hot nerd finally find his inner Casanova and fuck you in the University’slibrary. 

So the next smut I’ll write, will definitely not happen in a bedroom :)

I hope this answer satisfies you as well!