When disaster strikes, Riah discovers that her father isn’t the only hero in their family. What good is magic if you can’t use it to pick a fight with an evil sorcerer?

Only 99 cents on Amazon or free on #kindleunlimited!

BUY IT HERE!

ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT Top Banana - 1x02

Writing advice from my uni teachers:

This is legit good writing advice, especially the first bullet point! In playwriting class we did a bit where every bit of dialogue had to be an accusatory question and it was glorious.

when a powerful figure is reduced to kneeling. when the lord is forced to bow. when the exile stumbles into an unwelcoming bar. when the “beast” is chained by their horns. when a god is dragged behind their enemy’s chariot, a captive and trophy. when the loyal “guard dog” character is muzzled and the silver-tongued thief falls silent in horror.

that’s the shit

it’s about the contrapasso. the reversal of roles and the sudden, plunging terror of being unable to hide.

I think about the writers who stopped writing because people went after them.

I think about the new reader who got scared off from commenting because they might say the wrong thing.

I think about the artist who was going to dip their toes in, but saw a blacklist posted and debated in the fandom they so recently were excited about.

I think about all the people who would be here with us, writing meta and squeeing and creating and lifting up creators. Who became ghosts, afraid that to speak up is to stick out your neck.

How many stories won't we get to read, how many pieces of art won't take our breath away, how many comments won't be put in notes or on stories that push us through our blocks... because anger and pettiness and jealousy and aggression are so common in fandoms that so many become ghosts before their time, and the ones who stick through it are still healing from their battle scars?

I mourn all the stories I will never see, all the friends I will never make, all the headcanons that will never bring stars to my eyes.

And I hope that all those who went quiet before they could speak will find a place to be safe, so that one day I may hear their voice.

April First

I loathe April Fools Day.

It nearly always seems to be a day for mean-spirited jokes and casual cruelty disguised as humor, and I’m not okay with either.

I like humor. I like comedy. Sometimes I even like physical comedy, as you can see from my Familiar Beasts series.

But if the ‘victim’ of a joke is angry, or scared, or sad, it’s not funny.

So yeah. There will be no pranks here on my blog, on my Patreon, or anywhere else.

This is a Safe Place, on April First, and every other day.

This made the rounds last year and I’m bringing it back now for a reason.

With the world being in the state it is, April Fools has me worried. This isn’t the time for cruel jokes, scares of any kind, or misleading information.

Remember, if anyone is sad, scared, or angry when the joke is over, it wasn’t funny in the first place.

Have fun, darlings, but be gentle with each other. It’s been a bad year and it’s not even May. The least we can do is share some kindness around to try and lighten the load.

Hello my darlings, it’s that time of year again.

2021 hasn’t been much better than 2020 so far, and my stance on mean jokes has not changed.

If the joke is racist, it’s not funny.

If the joke is LGBTQ+phobic, it’s not funny.

If the joke is antisemetic, it’s not funny.

If the joke hurts someone, it’s not funny.

There will be no jumpscares on my blog. There will be no intentionally triggering content. There will be no misleading posts of false information.

This blog is a Safe Place for all those who need one. If you’re scared, or lonely, or need a friend, I’m here. My stories have happy endings. My comedy does not make fun of orientations, genders, race, or identity.

You’re safe with me.

Pass it on.

Time to resurrect my annual post regarding April Fools day because the world hasn’t exactly gotten nicer since last year.

As always darlings, I encourage you to be kind to each other. Little pranks that make people laugh are good. Endless puns, rickrolls. Go for it. I give you my blessing without hesitation.

There will be no jumpscares on my blog. There will be no false information. There will be no mean-spirited jokes. I don’t do that, and I never will. You’re safe with me.

So go gently, darlings. Smiles are in short supply as this pandemic drags onward. Share your joy and the load we’re all carrying will be lighter.

Time for my annual post about April 1st. I do not support this holiday, because it very often leads to mean jokes and people getting hurt. That is not something I’m okay with. I do not permit cruelty of any kind on this blog, and that includes the usual fare for April 1st.

As always, darlings, this blog is a safe place. there will be no jump scares, screamers, mean jokes, or anything else that might cause harm.

I hope you all stay safe, be kind to each other, and take good care of your mental health.

As always, here’s my annual April 1st post.

This blog is safe. I do not post screamers. I do not play mean jokes. I do not condone cruelty in any form, and I consider any joke that causes harm to anyone to be cruelty.

You are safe with me. You are always safe with me. that is true all the rest of the year too, but it’s especially true on April 1st, when so many people take it as an excuse to be mean to their friends.

Be gentle with each other. Life hasn’t gotten easier, and we’re in for a long year. Hold together and support each other. We’ll make it though this.

Rig guide

grounding techniques, ok 5 things i can see. ugly man. shitty palm tree. clear evidence of air pollution. conservative bumper stickers. roadkill. why do i feel worse

I used to do the 5 things you see, 4 things you hear etc with my daughter when she was spiralling, but it had a low success rate. Just didn't engage her brain, was too easy to just list shit things that made her feel shit.

I had to get creative.

Now we do shit like:

5 things you can see that you could easily steal without being noticed

4 things you think might be sticky if you licked them

3 things that you could fit in your mouth at once

2 inanimate objects that in another dimension, might fall in love

1 thing you can see that isn't made of cheese, but would be better if was

Obviously not those ones every time, I gotta keep mixing things up, else she doesn't have to really focus. Your mileage may vary, but it mostly works for us.

My birb app (not that one) has a grounding exercise that is now my go-to: name one thing you see for each color of the rainbow, in order. I think it works well for when you're in unpleasant places because it actually decontextualizes the stuff around you a bit. Like, those conservative bumper stickers aren't expressions of horrible sentiments and reminders of how much the world has gone to shit, they just become streaks of color. And I've found it helps circumvent the Depression Filter where everything looks and feels grey.

I dunno, sometimes you need to get your body and brain under control but you're in a situation where you don't want to be more present, actually. So having a way to get yourself in the mindset of an artist breaking down a scene, or, like, Ford Prefect writing about this weird planet for the Guide can give you enough distance to get you through short-term badness without totally dissociating.

April First

I loathe April Fools Day.

It nearly always seems to be a day for mean-spirited jokes and casual cruelty disguised as humor, and I’m not okay with either.

I like humor. I like comedy. Sometimes I even like physical comedy, as you can see from my Familiar Beasts series.

But if the ‘victim’ of a joke is angry, or scared, or sad, it’s not funny.

So yeah. There will be no pranks here on my blog, on my Patreon, or anywhere else.

This is a Safe Place, on April First, and every other day.

This made the rounds last year and I’m bringing it back now for a reason.

With the world being in the state it is, April Fools has me worried. This isn’t the time for cruel jokes, scares of any kind, or misleading information.

Remember, if anyone is sad, scared, or angry when the joke is over, it wasn’t funny in the first place.

Have fun, darlings, but be gentle with each other. It’s been a bad year and it’s not even May. The least we can do is share some kindness around to try and lighten the load.

Hello my darlings, it’s that time of year again.

2021 hasn’t been much better than 2020 so far, and my stance on mean jokes has not changed.

If the joke is racist, it’s not funny.

If the joke is LGBTQ+phobic, it’s not funny.

If the joke is antisemetic, it’s not funny.

If the joke hurts someone, it’s not funny.

There will be no jumpscares on my blog. There will be no intentionally triggering content. There will be no misleading posts of false information.

This blog is a Safe Place for all those who need one. If you’re scared, or lonely, or need a friend, I’m here. My stories have happy endings. My comedy does not make fun of orientations, genders, race, or identity.

You’re safe with me.

Pass it on.

Time to resurrect my annual post regarding April Fools day because the world hasn’t exactly gotten nicer since last year.

As always darlings, I encourage you to be kind to each other. Little pranks that make people laugh are good. Endless puns, rickrolls. Go for it. I give you my blessing without hesitation.

There will be no jumpscares on my blog. There will be no false information. There will be no mean-spirited jokes. I don’t do that, and I never will. You’re safe with me.

So go gently, darlings. Smiles are in short supply as this pandemic drags onward. Share your joy and the load we’re all carrying will be lighter.

Time for my annual post about April 1st. I do not support this holiday, because it very often leads to mean jokes and people getting hurt. That is not something I’m okay with. I do not permit cruelty of any kind on this blog, and that includes the usual fare for April 1st.

As always, darlings, this blog is a safe place. there will be no jump scares, screamers, mean jokes, or anything else that might cause harm.

I hope you all stay safe, be kind to each other, and take good care of your mental health.

As always, here’s my annual April 1st post.

This blog is safe. I do not post screamers. I do not play mean jokes. I do not condone cruelty in any form, and I consider any joke that causes harm to anyone to be cruelty.

You are safe with me. You are always safe with me. that is true all the rest of the year too, but it’s especially true on April 1st, when so many people take it as an excuse to be mean to their friends.

Be gentle with each other. Life hasn’t gotten easier, and we’re in for a long year. Hold together and support each other. We’ll make it though this.

it's hilarious how if you do any amount of research into life or death melee combat the prevailing themes that emerge are that

Other favorites from history:

A few other things:

April First

I loathe April Fools Day.

It nearly always seems to be a day for mean-spirited jokes and casual cruelty disguised as humor, and I’m not okay with either.

I like humor. I like comedy. Sometimes I even like physical comedy, as you can see from my Familiar Beasts series.

But if the ‘victim’ of a joke is angry, or scared, or sad, it’s not funny.

So yeah. There will be no pranks here on my blog, on my Patreon, or anywhere else.

This is a Safe Place, on April First, and every other day.

This made the rounds last year and I’m bringing it back now for a reason.

With the world being in the state it is, April Fools has me worried. This isn’t the time for cruel jokes, scares of any kind, or misleading information.

Remember, if anyone is sad, scared, or angry when the joke is over, it wasn’t funny in the first place.

Have fun, darlings, but be gentle with each other. It’s been a bad year and it’s not even May. The least we can do is share some kindness around to try and lighten the load.

Hello my darlings, it’s that time of year again.

2021 hasn’t been much better than 2020 so far, and my stance on mean jokes has not changed.

If the joke is racist, it’s not funny.

If the joke is LGBTQ+phobic, it’s not funny.

If the joke is antisemetic, it’s not funny.

If the joke hurts someone, it’s not funny.

There will be no jumpscares on my blog. There will be no intentionally triggering content. There will be no misleading posts of false information.

This blog is a Safe Place for all those who need one. If you’re scared, or lonely, or need a friend, I’m here. My stories have happy endings. My comedy does not make fun of orientations, genders, race, or identity.

You’re safe with me.

Pass it on.

Time to resurrect my annual post regarding April Fools day because the world hasn’t exactly gotten nicer since last year.

As always darlings, I encourage you to be kind to each other. Little pranks that make people laugh are good. Endless puns, rickrolls. Go for it. I give you my blessing without hesitation.

There will be no jumpscares on my blog. There will be no false information. There will be no mean-spirited jokes. I don’t do that, and I never will. You’re safe with me.

So go gently, darlings. Smiles are in short supply as this pandemic drags onward. Share your joy and the load we’re all carrying will be lighter.

Time for my annual post about April 1st. I do not support this holiday, because it very often leads to mean jokes and people getting hurt. That is not something I’m okay with. I do not permit cruelty of any kind on this blog, and that includes the usual fare for April 1st.

As always, darlings, this blog is a safe place. there will be no jump scares, screamers, mean jokes, or anything else that might cause harm.

I hope you all stay safe, be kind to each other, and take good care of your mental health.

As always, here's my annual April 1st post.

This blog is safe. I do not post screamers. I do not play mean jokes. I do not condone cruelty in any form, and I consider any joke that causes harm to anyone to be cruelty.

You are safe with me. You are always safe with me. that is true all the rest of the year too, but it's especially true on April 1st, when so many people take it as an excuse to be mean to their friends.

Be gentle with each other. Life hasn't gotten easier, and we're in for a long year. Hold together and support each other. We'll make it though this.

.

I'm pretty sure open portals are against OSHA regulations

It took me a few moments to realise that these people are inside a warehouse type building and have opened a door to show the wild weather outside they are not in fact outside opening the door of their warehouse to show us the weather they are keeping inside

My face is having uncontrollable spasms. Great. It hurts really, really, really bad.

I think part of why I have trouble explaining pain to the doctor is when they ask about the pain scale I always think “Well, if someone threw me down a flight of stairs right now or punched me a few times, it would definitely hurt a lot more” so I end up saying a low number. I was reading an article that said that “10” is the most commonly reported number and that is baffling to me. When I woke up from surgery with an 8" incision in my body and I could hardly even speak, I was in the most horrific pain of my life but I said “6” because I thought “Well, if you hit me in the stomach, it would be worse.”

I searched and searched for the post this graphic was from, and the OP deactivated, but I kept the graphic, because my BFF does the same thing, uses her imagination to come up with the worst pain she can imagine and pegs her “10″ there, and so is like, well, I’m conscious, so this must be a 5, and then the doctors don’t take her seriously. (And she then does things like driving herself to the hospital while in the process of giving birth. Probably should have called an ambulance for that one!)

So I found this and sent it to her. Because this is what they want to know: how badly is this pain affecting you? Not on a scale of “nothing” to “how I’d imagine it’d feel if bears were eating my still-living guts while I was on fire”. 

I hate reposting stuff, but I’ll never find that post again and OP is deactivated, so, here’s a repost. I can delete this later, i just wanted to get it to you and I can’t embed images in a chat or an ask. 

This is possibly why it took several weeks to diagnose my fractured spine.

Pain Scale transcription:

10 - I am in bed and I can’t move due to my pain. I need someone to take me to the emergency room because of my pain.

9 - My pain is all that I can think about. I can barely move or talk because of my pain.

8 - My pain is so severe that it is difficult to think of anything else. Talking and listening are difficult.

7 - I am in pain all the time. It keeps me from doing most activities.

6 - I think about my pain all of the time. I give up many activities because of my pain.

5 - I think about my pain most of the time. I cannot do some of the activities I need to do each day because of the pain.

4 - I am constantly aware of my pain but can continue most activities.

3 - My pain bothers me but I can ignore it most of the time.

2 - I have a low level of pain. I am aware of my pain only when I pay attention to it.

1 - My pain is hardly noticeable.

0 - I have no pain.

It’s also really important to get this kind of scale to people who have chronic pain, because chronic pain drastically lowers your perception of how “bad” any kind of pain actually is, and yet something like this pain scale is extremely user friendly. 

For example, if someone asked me how much pain I’m in at any given time, I’d say hardly any, and yet I’m apparently at a chronic 2.5, and it only goes up from there depending on the day. 

There’s also a similarly useful “Fatigue Scale”

I haven’t been below a 5 on this scale for 4 years 

Here’s the fatigue scale

Fatigue scale image desc:

10: can barely move; can’t talk

9: can barely move; can talk

8: can move, but can’t do much more than watch TV

7: can watch TV and play a game on my phone simultaneously

6: can do work on my computer lying in bed

5: can get around the house, but definitely couldn’t go out

4: can run a light errand

3: can get in my 10,000 steps, making my fitbit happy

2: can do three or more activities in a single day

1: going clubbing!

See also the Mental Health Pain Scale by Graceful Patient:

Mental Health Pain Scale transcription:

MILD

1 - Everything is a-okay! There is absolutely nothing wrong. You’re probably cuddling a fluffy kitten right now. Enjoy!

2 - You’re a bit frustrated or disappointed, but you’re easily distracted and cheered up with a little effort.

3 - Things are bothering you, but you’re coping. You might be overtired or hungry. The emotional equivalent of a headache.

MODERATE

4 - Today is a bad day (or a few bad days). You still have the skills to get through it, but be gentle with yourself. Use self-care strategies.

5 - Your mental health is starting to impact on your everyday life. Easy things are becoming difficult. You should talk to your doctor.

6 - You can’t do things the way you usually do them due to your mental health. Impulsive and compulsive thoughts may be hard to cope with.

SEVERE

7 - You’re avoiding things that make you more distressed, but that will make it worse. You should definitely seek help. This is serious.

8 - You can’t hide your struggles any more. You may have issues sleeping, eating, having fun, socialising, and work/study. Your mental health is affecting almost all parts of your life.

9 - You’re at a critical point. You aren’t functioning any more. You need urgent help. You may be a risk to yourself or others if left untreated.

10 - The worst mental and emotional distress possible. You can no longer care for yourself. You can’t imagine things getting any worse. Contact a crisis line immediately.

These are so important! SO SO IMPORTANT SHARE THIS AND SAVE IT TO SHOW YOUR DOCTORS!

This is the first time I’ve seen the fatigue scale, and HOLY MOLY that’s a revelation!!! These should be on all hospital and doctor office walls.

I’ve never seen the mental health one! or the fatigue one! I printed out the pain one and gave it to my GP. 

At about six months pregnant myself right now, I can’t help but think of that scene in Star Wars when Padmé shows up on Mustafar after Anakin swan-dives off the cliff of crazy and like.

There would not be tears. There would not be asking nicely or sobbing about a broken heart. Padme would waddle her nine-months-pregnant-WITH-TWINS self off that ship, grab her idiot Sith husband by the hair, and drag him into the ship, all without saying a single word that wasn’t profanity.

That woman negotiates with a blaster when she’s NOT pregnant. You think she magically got more chill once she was full of babies, couldn’t breathe, was leaking fluids from every orifice including several that didn’t formerly leak, felt like she was about the size of a gas giant, and had just discovered her husband apparently WENT CRAZY AND MURDERED CHILDREN??

I am here to tell you that I can accept aliens, and space wizards, and whatever the hell is going on with Palpatine.

But a pregnant woman tearfully hoping to talk reason into her batshit crazy space wizard husband?

No.

She would make extremely hostile eye contact, say his name through gritted teeth, and point at the ship meaningfully. Anakin, realizing that there is no hell like a very angry, very pregnant woman with a blaster, would mumble apologies, and slink onto the ship, with Padme waddling furiously behind him.

I’m having a peaceful, easy pregnancy. My husband has been adoringly getting me absolutely anything I want and is complaining frequently that I’m not asking for things enough. Even so, I have just about zero chill right now. I get irrationally outraged because the trash bags aren’t put in the bin just right. I can’t imagine the level of GET YOUR SORRY SITH ASS ON THE SHIP that I would be feeling in Padme’s shoes.

So, for those who are counting, I’m now about nine months pregnant and so full of baby I’m about to pop, so I thought I would revisit this post.

Let me tell you what’s changed.

Remember that zero chill I have? Well the fun update is that I now have exactly two settings. My default setting is “I am FUCKING CALM.” I hold onto it with both hands, because my other setting (and there are no additional settings by the way) is “HOMICIDAL RAGE.”

My adoring husband has been a pillar of strength, sanity, and understanding even though ‘almost started crying because I wanted the other ice cream out of the freezer’ is a thing that happened. I am clinging to my serenity because the other option is going off like a bomb and killing everyone in the room.

So when I say that Padme, our lady of negotiating with a blaster, who never had any chill to begin with, hits this phase, she is not weeping. She is not begging. She is not negotiating.

She is getting on a ship with murder on the mind.

If Anakin is half as Force Sensitive as he supposedly is, he would feel that wall of rage coming for him about the time she got on the ship and would be, very sensibly, on his knees begging for mercy before she even hit Mustafar’s atmo.

(Obi-Wan has at this point been regulated to getting Padme snacks every twenty minutes or so, and given the constant job of helping her up, because she can no longer stand without help. He is being very very very quiet because the last time he tried to say anything, she politely and clinically explained where she would stick his lightsaber if he offered any more helpful opinions. His kyber crystal is afraid of her. It’s smarter than he is.)

If for some reason Anakin had not realized that his wife was about to hit the planet like a nuke from orbit, he would be treated to a very, very pregnant woman waddling off the ship. I do mean waddling, too, because lemme tell you, between the baby fatigue and the very determined baby kicks directly to my liver, my max speed is about the same as a geriatric slug. I only have one baby in there. Padme has twins.

She feels bruised inside all the time. She has to pee every four minutes, she has not one but TWO babies trying to scramble out through her cervix (which also fucking hurts by the way) and she has heartburn so bad she could swallow Mustafar whole and it would be a cooling sensation. This is a woman who hasn’t had a good night’s sleep in months, because every time she tries, a baby tries to crawl into her lungs.

And now her husband, who has been swanning around while she deals with morning sickness, doctor appointments, an increasing loss of self and agency over her life, and now notable physical discomfort she’s not even allowed to be grumpy about because “it’s so magical to feel your baby move [it is. It absolutely is super magical. In the way a 6d6 firebal roaring directly at you is magical] has gone fucking crazy.

Remember that two moods thing I mentioned? Remember how that second option is HOMICIDAL RAGE?

This is where that gets important.

So we have established that Padme is at this point in pain, feeling bruised inside, can’t even complain about it, or Anakin, to anyone because they’re supposed to be a secret, has to pee, and can’t get up from the goddamn couch without help.

And you think THIS is a woman who has not given up entirely on being calm and has simply decided that being a widow will be better for her, and she’s gonna make it happen right now on the spot.

Force or no Force, a plasma cannon is pretty hard to block with a lightsaber, assuming she didn’t just grab a Mandalorian slugcaster (shotgun) to settle his hash.

Anakin ‘cannot judge danger worth a damn’ Skywalker is, at this point, starting to get worried. He should be terrified, but in his defense, he’s pretty crazy at this point.

Padme ‘watched democracy die this morning’ Amidala is so far in fuck debt that she doesn’t actually care about consequences anymore. (She never did, but she did sometimes consider them in passing. That’s not happening anymore.)

So, Anakin gets shot. What he gets shot with depends on what she had handy and how very justifiably terrified he was to realize all that fury was pointed directly at him. If he begs pretty enough, she might not aim for the face, but I wouldn’t count on it.

(I’m imagining it being rather like taking a supernova to the face, from a Force perspective.)

When say that she walks off that ship with absolutely no peaceful options in mind, I mean that she could glare the emperor down and then make Obi-wan cry.

I’m here to tell you that tears and rational thought haven’t been around since Month Five. She hasn’t seen them WHILE and is not currently rational enough to stop a charging elephant in its tracks.

Really, the only question is how many times Anakin gets shot before he falls over long enough to pack him into the ship.

The safe money is on at least four times. She might get as many as ten.

Anakin is very pretty but also kind of dumb, and has no idea that she is mad enough to shoot him a bunch.

And this is all BEFORE she goes into labor.

(Obi-Wan is still being very, very quiet. His job is to carry Anakin onto the ship and pretty much nothing else. He can’t help but notice that Anakin’s kyber crystal is also afraid of Padme. He agrees that this is sensible and prudently hides Anakin’s saber at the bottom of the ship’s freezer, under the approximately ten different flavors of ice cream Padme has been living on since they left Coriscant. She can give it back when she’s feeling better.)

I wouldn’t want to be Anakin Skywalker just now

go to this random coordinates generator and say in the tags how you would fare if you were dropped where it generates without warning. i’ll go first i’d be dropped in the middle of the fucking south atlantic ocean and perish

Ocean

Ocean

Ocean

Ocean

Mount Grefell National Park in Australia

Ocean

Ocean

Ocean

Ocean

Ocean

balkanabat, turkmenistan

ocean

Walking distance to the Svalbard Seed Vault, wtf

Latitude: 7.31415, Longitude: 155.15845 I somehow managed to Stitch it up, landed in the middle of the ocean, but somehow ON A TINY ISLAND in Micronesia.