Broke: Coming out of the closet

WOKE: Containment Breach

Mom...Dad...

I'm [R E D A C T E D]

dobby was only there in the lord of the rings to cockblock sam and frodo. whenever it looked like frodo was about to shoot his shot dobby was just like whats is potatoses master

all i do is have thoughts while mentally ill in various rooms of my house

i know its a stingray but it looks like cthulhu popped his head up to say hi

I thought it was a giant squid.

holy shit they get this big?

They do get this big! They also tame relatively easily and are surprisingly docile animals. Its popular to swim with them in many beachy areas. As long as you’re not stupid and mean to them, your odds of being hurt by them are very low.

I had the opportunity to swim with a school of them on a sandbar once and I must say they are very aggreeable animals, though they do have the tendency to mob you if you have food, and they can be quite heavy. Still very pleasant animals.

ha cthulhu

Humans will pet anything. If aliens come, that might be what distinguishes us from the rest of the galaxy.

“we were going to blow them up, but they engaged in an oddly pleasing patting ritual and, well, it was nice.”

hello i’m hoziest and this is my song i’m already in church

discussing history w men is just like

me to god

So. When I was in 5th grade. All my classmates had ganged up on me and called me a lesbian and I didn’t even know what it meant at the time. I even said “I’m Spanish. Not lesbianese”

Anyways. At lunch a lunch lady had saw them making fun of me and asked when they said and I told her they called me a lesbian and she told them to apologize????

And then I remember telling my teacher the next day and as class was leaving she asked for me to hang back. She told me that being a lesbian was nothing bad and to just ignore them. I was like “I don’t even know what a lesbian is? All i said was that queen amidala was so pretty I wanted to marry her” and my teacher chuckled and nodded her head before saying that I could go.

Y'know…looking back on this, I’m pretty sure my teacher was a lesbian.

this is WILD

I WENT INTO ANAPHYLACTIC SHOCK

Is no one going to mention that the woman in the wheelchair is a DANCE COACH.

I’m sorry this

Isn’t satire?!

so im trying to decipher this chart on wikipedia that has common vampire weaknesses in it and

a ‘green/yes’ is a weakness, a ‘red/no’ is something that isnt a weakness, and a ‘?’ is something that has never been addressed but fucking riddle me this

in what lore are vampires weak to getting soggy in milk

i scrolled over to check to see what this could possibly be and

places a hand on me cheek

happy halloween month time for my favourite post of all time

News Anchor in my area loses it over a Fat Cat that likes to swim.

I don’t know what’s funnier, how she said physical activities or the snort.

I love how she gradually loses it. She gives it her best try and then you can just hear where her composure starts breaking down.

i always lose it when her voice trips into the fifth dimension as she says physical activities 

Why she sound like Peridot?