Beverly: Wes, what did I say about staying out past curfew?
Wesley: That I need to do it more often.
Riker: You play poker?
Beverly: Ocassionally. You have a problem with that?
Riker: Yeah. You’re physically incapable of keeping a straight face.
Beverly: Really?
Riker: Now the Captain. There’s a man with a poker face. Who knows what he’s thinking.
Geordi, while on an away mission: There’s something gooey here.
Data, processing this: Gooey? There is a good scientific word. Gooey. I will have to use that more.
Deanna, thinking: Wait, is Beverly into me? Quick! Make a bad joke to see if she laughs.
Deanna: Did you hear about the skeleton who didn't go to the party? He had no body to go with.
Beverly: That's really funny!
Deanna, thinking: Well, that's not a fair test. That joke's hilarious.
The point is, Wes, you're a lot stronger than you used to be. I've changed, too... I have a beard now.
Will Riker, Season 2
Follow @incorrectpicardquotes for incorrect Star Trek: Picard quotes!! (Decided to make a separate blog rather than putting them here)
"I tried everything I could to resuscitate her-- hot water, cold water, everything."
- Dr. Beverly Crusher about Data's "iguana"
Nurse Tarses: I just took a DNA test, turns out I'm 100% that bitch.
Admiral Satie: Actually, he's 25% Romulan!
Deanna: If you knew what was going on in people's heads all the time, do you think you'd feel guilty?
Geordi: No, I think I'd just get my feelings hurt a lot more.
Picard: The scenic Joren waterfall found on the Izu peninsula is home to a particularly fun legend that centers on the Jorogumo, a murderous spider demon known for diversifying its villainous portfolio beyond the basic Shelob impersonator by using its shape-shifting powers to pull part-time as a hot lady. Riker: *whispers* Picard: What? Riker: *whispers* Picard: No, I haven’t played Shadow of War.
Riker: *whispers*
Picard: Well, that’s stupid.
Riker: *whispers*
Picard: Tolkien’s crippling arachnophobia did not die for this.
Data: Now let us be clear, I do not have feelings, okay? I just miss Geordi when he is not around, I think about him all the time and I imagine us one day running towards each other in slow motion and I am wearing a brown suede vest.
Wesley: Are you ever going to tell him how you feel?
Data: No. Maybe. Never. I do not know.
Geordi: Man, I like this Borg. Can we keep him?
Beverly: Geordi, he's not a dog.
Hugh: Ooh! Peanut butter.
Geordi: He's pretty much a dog.
Beverly: We still can't keep him! When the captain finds out the two of us got all sentimental and decided to befriend the space orphan... actually, he's probably prepared for that.
Picard (entering): Doctor, La Forge. What's going on?
Beverly: Quick! Get Hugh out of here before we get busted!
Geordi: Where do I take him?
Beverly: I don't know, just take him for a walk!
Geordi: Oh, he's totally a dog.
"If there's two things I know, it's women and exactly what's going to happen in the future."
- Berlinghoff Rasmussen, "A Matter of Time"
Data: Commander up what's.
Riker: He sounds different.
Geordi: Yeah, that's 'cause he can only speak backwards. It was fun for about the first five minutes. Now I just want to rip his head off.
Kivas Fajo: You! Are! A! Toy!
Data: You are a sad, strange little man. And you have my pity.
Sonya Gomez: Hey! Hey!
Geordi (whispering): Shh. Wes fell asleep.
Sonya Gomez (whispering): Sorry.
Geordi (whispering): What's up?
Sonya Gomez (whispering): There's a warp core breach.