Not gonna specifically tag anyone…but reblog if you feel like it and put yours in the tags.

Obi-Wan, opening his robes to reveal his HUGE meat: clone trooper Bigdick, I believe we have quite a lot in common

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Meanwhile in Australia…

Also once they drop the interview for this online, I am going to have to link it because holy shit, it’s hilarious.  The emus are literally photo bombing the live video interview. 

They uploaded the interview! Press play for cameos by emus and talks about how and why they’re being banned.

‘Carol got in behind the bar.’

‘She hasn’t got her [Responsible Service of Alcohol certificate] though, so we had to remove her.’

One time I was cooking with a girl and we were both bilingual but we didn’t have a language in common so we were just sitting by the fire doing prep work quietly and I was peeling little garlic cloves to mince and she put her hand on my arm to stop me and demonstrated how you’re supposed to press on the clove with the flat side of your knife to break the shell off all at once to peel it and I was like oh! And I imitated her and she nodded in approval and we went back to quietly peeling and mincing the garlic and I don’t want to be hyperbolic but in that moment I was like wow I truly understand the universal thread of human love and connection inherent in our souls or whatever

Ladies, I am holding out my hand. Do you trust me?

I need you to open Google Maps. Locate your nearest mall. Get in your car. Drive to Yankee Candle.

Past the seasonal pumpkin display, near the back of the store, you will find a trash pile Man Candle section. You will see candles called MMM, Bacon!. Riding Mower. Man Town. (I’m not kidding. Man Town.) Stay strong. Not in this section, but likely very near this section, you will find a candle called Mountain Lodge.

Hold this jar in your hands like a talisman. Close your eyes and picture a man.

I want to be clear: I’m not talking about a Hugh Dancy. Or an Andrew Garfield, a Ben Whishaw, even a Tom Hiddleston. This exercise requires someone in the Chris Evans weight class. The Richard Armitage department. Someone with smile lines around his eyes who could chop the cedar for your bower with his own hands, strangle an alpha wolf, carry you home when you sprain your ankle in the woods, bench press your entire body. Picture this man in your mountain home with a full beard, a slightly grimy white henley, a fond half smile he reserves only for you. Now open the lid and smell Mountain Lodge.

Steady yourself on the man candle display. Give yourself a second. No, you’re not wrong. Yes, the Yankee Candle Company has just eliminated the need for men. This medium tumbler Mountain Lodge candle jar is now your boyfriend. The Yankee Candle Company has effectively replaced the need for contact with the male half of our species with a compact and clean-burning candle in a jar.

“Do you like this one?” the cashier asked, ringing me up. “Every man should be required by law to smell like what this candle smells like,” I replied intensely. “That’ll be $12.01,” she said.

MOUNTAIN LODGE

it literally smells like waking up on a cold night to find a bearded richard armitage adding another quilt to the bed before he gets back in and pulls you snugly against his chest

I’m not fucking around I feel like I should be watching chris hemsworth in flannel and suspenders whittling a delicate masterpiece in front of a fireplace rn

All right, Tumblr, I saw this post a few months ago and immediately realized I had to smell this candle.  I have never in my life experienced such a burning need (pun intended) to smell what the Yankee Candle website described as a warm aroma of cedarwood and sage, but what Tumblr described as my new boyfriend.

The trouble is that nearest Yankee Candle Company store was a bit of a trek, and my schedule tended to prohibit this olfactory adventure.

So for the last few weeks, as I’d scroll my Tumblr dash and look at images of attractive manly men, I’d sigh and wistfully think, if only I could engage another sense with this image. If only I could I could truly fathom the ideal fragrance of this man.

And then this happened.

And I knew.

I knew whatever was happening, I needed to get to a Yankee Candle Company. The scent of Mountain Lodge would transport me instantly to this scene. The aroma of this infamous candle could make me live out a self-insertion Avengers fanfic.

So I got in my car, made the drive, and located the Yankee Candle Company.  The store was crowded with holiday shoppers. My nose was immediately assaulted by hundreds of warring scents.  

I battled through the sea of humanity and the Angel Wings-Merry Marshmallow-Magical Frosted Forest assault, buoyed on by my need to understand what Steve Rogers ripping a log in half with his bare hands smelled like.

I waded toward the back of the store, only to discover the man candle section seems to have been discontinued. What was I going to steady myself on, once I found my scented gateway to hanging out with the Avengers on Hawkeye’s farm? I felt lost, adrift, unable to find my bearings amid Soft Blanket-Fluffy Towels-Home Sweet Home.

And then… rising from the “Fresh” display, there it was.

Mountain Lodge.

It was the moment of truth. What would it be like to smell this infamous candle?

I opened the lid. I took a deep breath.

And I giggled.

Ah yes.  This was it.  This gentle, pleasantly masculine fragrance, in fact, reduced me to what I’d probably do in the actual presence of Chris Evans: giggle like an idiot.

The smell makes me smile, makes me laugh, makes me gently swoon: all reactions that, indeed, can be elicited by an ideal man. I can barely handle the true power of Mountain Lodge.

Several months have passed since this discovery. I have regaled friends with the saga, and after hearing of it, they, too, felt the burning need to smell the candle.  One by one, we have all become Mountain Lodge converts. In times of need, this candle is our refuge. Our group has developed escapist superpowers, infused by the Yankee Candle Company. 

THE CANDLE, THE MYTH, THE LEGEND.  

MOUNTAIN LODGE.

This is how you do advertisement

we love everything about all of this. We will always be there for you, just light your Mountain Lodge candle and know that our love burns bright for you.

The official Yankee Candle™ tumblr account has recognized the Mountain Lodge mythos. My work on the material plane is finally complete. A being of pure light, I slowly ascend to the aether.

So I went into the Yankee Candle in my local mall today, 30 minutes after they opened so it’s just me and the employee there. Both images make the candle look on the redder side so I’m looking with the reds since they’re color-coded and not really finding it and I must look confused because the clerk asks if she can help me find anything. “Yes, Um. I’m looking for Mountain… mountain Cabin?” “Mountain Lodge?” she politely clarified and I nodded “Yeah, I think so.” She led me over to a different area and picked up a candle that was not red but brown like the color of the wood your lumberjack bae of choice will no doubt chop for the fireplace to keep you warm. “That’s funny, the candle gets popular in waves. Sometimes nobody remembers we have it, and then for like a week people will come in asking for ‘Mountain Something’.” she handed me the candle, let me smell it. 

“Oh, that’s. Um. That’s probably because of the tumblr post going around?” she knew Yankee Candle did social media but wasn’t familiar with the specific post. So I gave her a brief summary of it, slowly getting a bit more embarrassed. If she judged me she didn’t show it, laughing in a friendly manner and saying she’d have to look it up. “Yes,” I said. “It’s very convincing.” 

God fucking dammit I’m gonna have to buy man candles now

Granted my bedsheets currently smell like cedar so

I was genuinely skeptical, for tumblr has the tendency to get a little too hyped up over something not that great.

Never have I been so glad to be proven wrong.

After finding this post for the second time in less than a month, and with my birthday being yesterday (and therefore I had the extra money to spare), I figured it was fate for me to actually drive the short 7 miles to my nearest Yankee Candle and see what all the fuss was about.

When I reached the store, I entered with a mission. I was going to find this candle. I was going to see for myself if it truly lived up to its tumblr reputation.

The sweet blonde lady at the register didn’t even get the chance to ask me if I was looking for anything in particular when I found it. Under the “Home” section of the quaint little store was the beautiful warm brown of this candle. I smiled at the lady and told her that I found what I was looking for.

I braced myself. I pictured Chris Evans. I pictured Chris Hemsworth, even Chris Pine. I opened the lid.

I giggled. I smiled like a dork. I blushed and I swooned and this candle is the greatest creation on God’s great earth. You don’t even need to picture the buff and burly man. As soon as I smelled the candle, my thoughts immediately jumped to Brendon Urie and Patrick Stump, for I know that’s what those two glorious men smell like as well.

Friends, believe me when I say this: the Yankee Candle Company has done it. This glorious company has successfully managed to capture the essence of Your Next Boyfriend™ and put it in the form of a candle.

Go on now, my children. Bask in its glory

everyone give it up for america’s favorite fighting french bread

#LARGE BAGUETTE (via @aromanticgcallen)

#I’m kneading this bread and these grains#dying red cake redder with berry stains#LARGE BAGUETTE#and I’m never gonna stop until I’ve baked all'o ‘em#drop'n’ ‘em burnin’ ‘em and crumbling the remains#LARGE BAGUETTE!#Watch me decorating ‘em and baking ‘em shaping ‘em I’m-#LARGE BAGUETTE!!#I go to France for more funds#(LARGE BAGUETTE)#I come back with more buns#and sweets#and so the bake sale shifts (via @rennskye)

Every Night 💧 (CW: Strong Language)

So the Rescue Aid Society from The Rescuers specifically protects kids who can talk to animals, right? That’s why they drop everything when the two kids in the movies are kidnapped. It’s because these kids are remarkable in this specific way, and the RAS deems them worthy of protection because of it

Also the mice from Cinderella are agents from a 19th century chapter of the RAS assigned to Cinderella for this exact reason

The Great Mouse Detective is definitely in this shared universe as well.

@wanderontherocks​

everybody just wants to get “back to normal” after quarantine. but what they fail to realize is that “Normal” is just a setting on a washing machine ...

everyone posting that “my generation lost hobbies” post is so stupid like no you fuckwits hobbies were stolen from you by a system that demands you work 8 hours a day to earn a tiny percentage of the profit you generate, leaving you too exhausted and brainwashed to enjoy exercising passion without financial incentive

Not to mention if you DO somehow have that energy to create, people put pressure on you to monetize it. You can’t draw for the sake of drawing, your family and friends think you’re good enough that you need to sell it. You can’t sing for the sake of singing, you have to turn that into a career or shut up. You can’t write fanfiction for your own enjoyment, you’re wasting time when you could be working on your OWN novel.

These are sentiments that have been told to me over the years. That people think you are ‘wasting your talents’ if everything you do isn’t for the sake of profit. And I’m here to tell you folks… that’s SAD.

YES!!!!!!!

I was going to rewatch 1931 Dracula again tonight and just as I turned it on a BAT started flying around at my window and wouldn’t go away and I’ve never seen a bat at my house before and let me tell you I’ve been so gay touched starved this quarantine I was about ready to risk letting a wild bat in my room if it meant it could possibly be one tall, Sexy vampire

Ah rabies

But what if the bat was from my secret gay vampire admirer

She’s got the right idea and she’s trying her best.

This is so fucking cute!

i think we need to stop focusing on telling little girls they need to be “empowered” & instead teach them about chaotic mirth, hijinks, & becoming complete rascals

this is never going to not be funny 

Rob Lowe says “that is fucking hilarious” with the straightest face ever

Bless you, Chris Pratt

This is the hardest I’ve laughed in so long

♫♫That’s not something that props can fix…that’s gonna be a little harder to fix.♫♫

It’s bACK.

I’ve seen this a thousand times and I just realized he knocks the fucking Mac of of the counter too

Ewan McGregor as Catcher Block in ‘Down With Love’ (2003)

dear god the sheer magic of being so invested in a book you just sit and read half of it feverishly without any ability to stop, just gulping down word after word like it’s water in a desert and your eyes aren’t fast enough for your mind and when you reach the last page you look up and realize you’re not decades and miles away but in the space of your own room,,,, truly unmatched by any other human experience