Sometimes I say self loathing things to my therapist and he looks at me dead in the eyes before saying “You fucking moron.” and tbh same

Me: I think I don’t exist.

Therapist: Listen, you do exist, and if you didn’t, someone would have to create you because the world would be a much sadder place.

Me: Jerome, how dare you saying something so sweet when I’m dissociating.

Me: Honestly, (thing that is totally fucked up for any ‘sane’ person) is normal, right?

Therapist: No.

Me: Wow.

Therapist: You’re just a fucked up bitch.

Me: I do agree with the fucked up bitch part.

Therapist: That’s a start!

Me: I guess he’s still my friend?

Therapist: Considering what you told me and how much you wanna beat him to death, he’s not. You pretty much hate him despite knowing him for years.

Me:

Me: Why did I need to come here to realize that.

Therapist: Because that’s my job to help you to understand some stuff. Also because you’re way too kind and you would let someone punch you in the guts and still consider them as your friend while they stab you.

Me: I don’t need that kind of call out, Jerome.

Me: Hey, I brought you coffee. And croissants too, but I ate them. *puts Starbucks coffee in front of him*

Therapist: Oh that’s nice!!... Oh my name is on it!!

Me: Yeah!!

Therapist: It’s wholesome but... *very confused and silently*... How do I drink it?

Me, not being able to come to my appointment and having to call him: I’m sorry, it’s all my fault, I’m so so so sorr-

Therapist: I dare you to say sorry one more time. I dare you.

Therapist: Hey I wanna show you this super funny image I found the other day.

Me: What-

Therapist: *turns his screen and show me THIS* 

Me: 

Me: Jerome.

Therapist: You went to the gaypride?

Me: Yeah, I went.

Therapist: Was it something you enjoyed?

Me: Mh. Yeah. Sorta.

Therapist: Did you see some bears?

Me:

Me: Jerome wh-

Therapist: That’s the only term I know outside of the LGTB one, I wanted to use it. 

Therapist: Are you sure you’re not becoming roommate with (name) because of pity? Kinda sacrificing yourself?

Me: No, I want it!!

Therapist: Finally, you’re not forcing yourself for the others! And you’re doing something you want! I’m proud of you!

Me: You’re more of a dad than my own father.

Therapist: That’s not very hard.

Me: I always wondered, are you queer?

Therapist: I am not.

Me: Ooh.

Therapist: Or am I?

Me: Ooh!

As an update, Jerome gave my appointment to someone’s else today so we were both in the waiting room, confused and he walked in, patted my head and said sorry but honestly it was hilarious.

The secretary came to tell me that Jerome actually forgot to write me down on the appointment list.

This is a 100% normal situation with Jerome as my Therapist.

As an addition, more than half of my friends want Jerome to adopt me and refer to him as “Therapist dad”.

He’s aware of it and think it’s hilarious.

Me, after complaining for the 25 times about my birth father: Idk if you noticed, but I’m full of anger against him.

Therapist: Oh, really, I never noticed. You know, you should turn that anger into indifference. It would help you.

Me: Unholy gods, I wish it was me.

Therapist: You know, people will still love you even if you don’t offer them things all the time. You don’t have to do that.

Me: What??

Therapist: Why don’t you send a mail to your psychiatrist when you have a bad mood swing?

Me: Like what? ‘Hey Joël wassup, I’ve been very suicidal lately last night I wanted to die. Hope you have rad vacations and the weed is good save some good kush for me, kissy kissy.’ ?

Therapist: Exactly.

Me: You’re as bad as me with human interactions Jerome, y’know.

Me, heavily dissociating: I don’t exist-

Therapist: Can I touch you to prove you that you do?

Me: Dinner first.

Therapist:

Therapist: Damien, you moron.

Therapist: You need vacations.

Me: I’m broke.

Therapist: Oh yeah.

Therapist: You still need vacations tho.

Me: Jerome, I am still broke.

Me, by text: Hey, you just walk by me!

Therapist, by text: Oh sorry. I didn’t see you.

Therapist, by text: Wait. Were you at the tattoo shop?

Me, by text, totally at the tattoo shop: You have no proof.

For a bit of context here: Around two months ago I went to a friend’s who happened the live on the same street as Jerome, which I didn’t know. He was really surprised to see me and came to check on me, asking me why I was here with a bit of concern on his voice. And this take place earlier this month:

Therapist: So your friend lives in the same street than I?

Me: Yes. Town’s short I guess.

Therapist: Were you really going to your friend...?

Me: Yes?? Why else would I be here?

Therapist: A lot of drug deals happen in this street and I see often teenagers and young adults coming and buy stuffs. I was a bit worried for you.

Me, at 2pm: I’m sorry I’m going to be late!

Therapist: Your appointment was this morning at 11:30am, Damien.

Me:

Me: What.

Jerome is still not aware of his fame and idk how to announce him.

Therapist; What’s up with you and wanting domestic rats.

Me: I’m gonna get a rat and call him Jerome just to piss you off.

Therapist:

Therapist: How dare you.

Therapist: Weed doesn’t do much on me and I must admit I’m kinda disappointed.

Me:

Therapist: Do you smoke?

Me: Jerome.

On hard days I wonder how Jerome is doing

He’s doing fine, last time he shown me his fav pic of a red panda which is this one

I FOUND IT I FOUND IT I FUCKING FOUND IT AAAAAAAH YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW HAPPY THIS MADE ME FEEL

It’s really amazing how happy people get when they find this post omg

Always reblog Jerome.

Is he now aware of his fame?

After months, he is, and he just told me “Haha, this is funny. I’m happy it’s helping people!”

I think he doesn’t realize that he’s known *worldwide*

bringing this back bc i’m losing my shit at everyone’s faces

You were once the demon king. “Defeated” by the hero, you went into hiding to pursue a simpler life. Today the “hero” has appeared, threatening you family to pay tribute, not realizing who you actually are. Today you show them what happens when you have something worth fighting to protect.

You are told at seven that you won’t ever do anything good in your life. You grow up knowing that it doesn’t matter that you help your younger sister make her letters properly or that you’re the one who stays up late with mother when too many custom orders come through the tailor shop. It doesn’t matter that you don’t want to hurt anyone or control anyone or anything of the sort. It doesn’t matter that your name means Light in your mother’s native language because as soon as they realize that you’re the Demon King, no one ever calls your name again.

You are chased out of your village the moment your powers bloom at fifteen years old, and the skies turn black with your fear. A rock hits you between your shoulder blades just as you make it to the main road and you stumble, falling to your knees in a mud puddle at the very moment the skies open up.

“She’s cursing us!” the midwife who delivered you screams over the thunder. “She’s damning us with her!”

Your mother is crying, but she doesn’t raise a hand to help you. She did everything she could, keeping your Role a secret all these years. She won’t risk anymore with another little girl to take care of.

No one tells you that you have a choice. No kind stranger drags you out of the rain and into the warmth of their home where a wise sage tells you it is not how we are born, but what choices we make.

Instead, you take the little pack your mother hid for you in the depths of the forest and sling it over your shoulder. There’s money, provisions, and more wraps to cover the evil mark on your left bicep.

“Your destiny will find you,” your mother told you only hours ago. “I forgive you for it.”

She meant the words as a comfort, but you only heard condemnation in it. Without having killed so much as a fly, she is already blessing you with forgiveness.

Keep reading

Don’t skip, read

I understand the appeal of wanting every adult hero to instinctively adopt teenage Peter Parker, but can it really beat the hilarity of acknowledging that at 15 Peter was 5'10", unusually buff, went by a moniker with Man in it, wore a creepy full face mask, and had a tightly guarded secret identity and probably a Queens accent thick enough to have come out of a jello mold, and adult heroes reasonably responded to him by going, “Wow, this grown man is an immature asshole for no reason.”

ʀᴀᴇ ᴀɴᴅ sʏᴋᴋᴜɴᴏ ᴋɪʟʟ ᴇᴠᴇʀʏᴏɴᴇ ᴀɴᴅ ᴡɪɴ ᴡɪᴛʜᴏᴜᴛ ᴀ sɪɴɢʟᴇ ᴍᴇᴇᴛɪɴɢ — ʙᴇsᴛ ʀᴏᴜɴᴅ ᴇᴠᴇʀ.

Make this a chain of obscure among us streamer references. I’ll start:

Let’s go boys!

Parabatais! Clary and Alec

“If you’ll stop being annoying then”

once you say it out loud it can’t be undone {Corpse Husband/Fem!Reader}

{ p l a y l i s t }

A/N: 17,511 words. hello i wrote and ~mildly~ edited this in 24 hours because my adhd said ‘u will write a terrifying amount of words about corpse’ and i said ‘YES SIR, RIGHT AWAY’. anyways, hi, i don’t write a lot for the YouTube fandom anymore because rpf is a trick grey area, but unfortunately i don’t control the hyperfixation and  the boy’s sweet personality + his edgy aesthetic hit all of my buttons. this has GRATUITOUS pop culture references, and if you don’t know what Stardew Valley is, it’s essentially a farm simulator but you also make friends with the NPCs in the nearby village. lots of different youtubers are mentioned, but Ethan (Crankgameplays / Eef) and Sean (Jacksepticeye / Spedicy), and I guess Charlie (Cr1tikal / Greaseball) and Mark (Markiplier) are the other more heavily featured folks. god there’s so many words. You’ll have to excuse me for not knowing the others too well, I’m embarrassed to admit that I only really watch Ze and Corpse often in terms of Among Us streams. ANYWAYS, please let me know what you think, I hope you like it! if this ever gets to corpse himself im going to delete this entire blog, just as a warning. no backups. yeet.

Warnings: SFW, but there is a scene near the end that gets a bit hot and heavy, but only a bit. very light mentions of sexual and kink activity but nothing explicit. Swearing. Mentions of illness, of coughing/throwing up flower petals, and foreign objects in the mouth and windpipe, but there is no risk posed beyond an inconvenience, just thought i should warn you. 

Taglist: @slashersdream @divine-artemis​ @realmejay​ @lovemelikepercy​ @balla-deer​ @miniritzcrackers​ @loraleiix​ @ppopty​ @easygoingtheatre​ @insanedeathwish​ @siriuslystupid @losvertown @janiathecat​ @wineandionysus​ @moonlightsimp​ @allylyew @chokingonflxwers​ @sicnesa @xxniksxx​ @mishisamess​ @preciousskye @yashinosakura​ @meleekabenjamin​ @whatamievendoinghere01​ @lxurxn-02 @liljennyx3 @the-fusionist @benjaminka

—-

Hanahaki Season was different for everyone. No-one’s quite sure what evolutionary advantage there is to coughing up flowers for three months out of the year as the body’s way of dealing with perceived unrequited feelings, but, much to the entire world’s collective irritation, it was what it was. It begins for everyone when their first romantic feelings arise and aren’t reciprocated. That could be as early as kindergarten, wanting to hold hands with one of the kids in your class more than any other person, but watching them share their launchable with someone else, though middle school is most commonly where those feelings become strong enough to actually activate the bloom. Some people on the aromantic spectrum don’t activate it until their late teens, or college, or even later, and even then they may only experience it once or twice, since the situation in which they find themselves developing romantic feelings like that doesn’t occur often, or doesn’t occur during their Season. You’re kind of jealous of aromantic people who have never had to deal with it. 

Hanahaki Season lasts for three months, starting every year on the same date; the date you’d first ever had romantic feelings strong enough to start hacking up flower petals. You’re free to catch feelings for the other nine months without consequences, but watch out if you catch feelings around your Season, because your house tends to look like the opening of Ouran High School Host Club. The amount of flowers really varies depending on your feelings; you’d spent days putting professional florists to shame in the month leading up to your senior prom when you realized you had feelings for your best friend, right up until they asked you to go with them, and the petals had been gone the next day, but your smile hadn’t been.

Your body doesn’t care if they have feelings for you, all it knows is that you think they don’t, despite the feelings you absolutely, definitely have; it needs either a confirmation, or for you to get over it. 

You and your high school best friend had dated for about six months after prom, but decided that you were better off as friends, and thankfully, in the years since you’d started college, your Seasons had been a non-event; no romantic feelings, so nothing to worry about. It’s not that you didn’t go out, or didn’t date, it’s just that there was nothing serious enough to warrant an active Season when it actually came up.

Okumaya devam et

Okay... this piece of golden is just too sweet to not reblog

Prompt I will never do anything with: instead of being given to the Dursleys, Harry Potter is put up for adoption and is adopted by the Addams Family

Gomez, being forcibly removed from the stands of a Hogwarts quidditch match for the third time: MY BOY! MY BOY’S UP THERE! HE’S SEEKER!

McGonagall, sweating: Mr. Addams, how do you keep sneaking onto grounds

As I said to @door :

Wednesday is woefully jealous of how dramatic Harry's origin is and fiercely protective of him, only SHE is allowed to torture him

Harry's hair would be more slicked back and shinier than Draco could ever hope to achieve Harry still gets sorted into Gryffindor Morticia says he gets that from Gomez' side of the family

Meanwhile Wednesday gets into Hogwarts as well,

*During House assigning*

Professor McGonnagal: Wednesday Addams.

Wednesday *begins to get up*

Sorting hat: Yeah no, no, sit back down kid. You’re Slytheren. I have never been more sure of anything in my existence.

*Later at Slytheren dorm*

Draco: Well look, if it isn’t Potter’s little Mudblood sister, listen up you little...

Wednesday: *Shoots Malfoy a glare which instantly silences him.* You will listen to me and listen carefully. I do not like repeating myself. Harry is off limits. In fact, everyone in Gryffondor is off limits, that goes for the rest of you. If you cause ANY trouble for my adopted brother, you will answer directly to me. Is this understood?

Draco:...Yes mum.

*Later in potions class*

Snape: Potter, you were two seconds late, twenty points from Gryffondor.

Wednesday: *Picks up beaker and smashes it on the floor.* Professor Snape. I have wilfully destroyed school property. I believe that is a twenty point deduction from Slytheren house.

Snape: Did you? Well I didn’t see it so.

Wednesday: *Gets up, walks to the front of the class, looking Snape in the eye the entire time, smashes another beaker on the ground right in front of him.* Twenty. Points. From Slytheren.

Snape:..... Alright then twenty points from Slytheren.

Wednesday: *Returns to seat, still glaring at Snape*

Snape: Now before we get on with classes I have the results of last weeks pop quiz, fairly expected stuff, Mr. Weasley you did adequate, but your penmanship was atrocious which is...

Wednesday *Grabs another beaker and holds it up with a look on her face that says ‘I can keep this up as long as you can old man’*

Snape:....Something you should work on in the future.

*Later*

Draco: Can’t you just expel her professor?

Snape: Well I could in theory, but considering her muggle father keeps somehow sneaking in here I think whether she has permission to be here or not is rather Academic. Besides, I’m not crossing her after what she did to Umbridge.

Draco: *Shudders* Don’t remind me.

This is one of those posts I'm going to watch for hopefully in future to see what awesome new additions it gets. Go on Tumblr, be brilliant!

please keep me informed as well

I just imagined the third book when they learn Sirius Black is trying to kill Harry, and is his godfather.

Gomez: well that makes him family, we must invite him over.

Harry: but father, everyone says he's trying to kill me.

Gomez: oh, of course, how thoughtless of me. Lurch, put away the swords for guests and sharpen up the good swords we use for special occasions! A relative visiting is one thing, but a murderous relative needs to be celebrated.

Harry: thank you, father.

XD and as soon as they find sirius is innocent hed be welcomed into the family with open arms.

Can you imagine the Addams during the fight at the ministry of magic or at hogwarts?

Gomez with a sword

Mortitia with man eating plants

Pugsley with explosives

Wednesday just keeps pulling bigger and bigger weapons out of those tiny pockets on her dress. She has a wand but never uses it!

A death eater turns a corner and she's inexplicably there with a cannon!

Okay but the Addams Family going off on Dumbledore for all the BS he put Harry through without warning him like he could have. (Because fuck that shit. Destiny/fate my ass.)

Just...just all of this... Mortisha: So how was your first year of schooling children? Wensday: *pouting* Harry got to see a 3 headed dog and play with it. Harry: Only a little! Gomez: Oh how fun! Maybe we should look into getting one or 2!

All the yes

How am I only just finding this, this is brilliant

When they find out Lupin was fired for being a werewolf they offer him a place to stay. Granmama brews his wolfbane potion every month, better than Snape!

And they start calling him "cousin Remus" before the end of the second week.

Hagrid, of course, is always welcome in their house along with any creatures he’s adopted and needs to hide from the authorities.

I finished the animatic! when Tubbo hardcore bodyguards Corpse

I will love this till end of time

Me and my Gay Ships

angst with a happy ending is my favourite honestly like yes bitch give me emotional conflict but dont completely ruin my soul you know

Solangelo headcanons that honestly I live for:

Some headcanons about Narcissa being Harry's mother-in-law

If Percy had fallen into Tartarus on his own headcannon

Okay so basically I saw this thing on Instagram and it was a screenshot of a tumblr post about how Percy would have turned out if he fell to Tartarus on his own.  here’s my little addition to it. The initial post will be at the end (i suggest reading it first)

imagine everyone at CHB and CJ fearing Percy, even though they still respect him a little something has changed drastically and the campers don’t know what to do.  After a few months the older kids from CHB starting to think he’ll be a repeat of Luke but worse. All the older kids quietly discussing things from the past and how they’re worried for everyone’s safety when a younger kid/ someone from Camp Jupiter hears them and starts to ask questions. They all look at the table in shame and fear as they vaguely explain to them what happened which only instills more fear. None of them know but one of the seven overhears them and loses it (I feel like it would be Nico or Annabeth) on them because “Percy isn’t like Luke” and “he’s been through so much more than anyone will ever be able to imagine.” 

Unfortunately that doesn’t keep people from whispering when no who supports Percy is around to hear. They still talk and there’s nothing anyone can do because whenever the seven try to figure out who started the rumors the other campers cover for each other. 

Chiron tries his hardest to get through to Percy and to help him but every attempt moves Percy farther away. Percy can’t even think about his time in Tartarus without having to sit down away from people to calm down. So Chiron just settles for the tiniest snippets that he gets sometimes (most of the time its just a change in body language or Percy mumbling something when he’s not paying attention) and stays behind Percy like a wall to protect him from the cruelty of the campers and any of the gods that question him. 

Okumaya devam et

This literally broke my heart 😭😭😭😭

Even after his death, Tony’s creations still protect Peter. Why don’t you just shoot my heart!? Idk between Marvel and DC which one is more angsty than the other anymore.

Just let me weep in the corner 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭