madly

Liar, stagecoaches didn't make it to the west until the 1850s

thanks to me

my mom was trying to chew through some really tough steak and she turned to me and said “just call me The Gnawer.” she would do numbers here

she told me she doesn't remember saying this. quote, "must have been steak-induced hysteria"

hush little baby dont you cry. mamas gonna buy you a big horse fly. and if that big horse fly dont fly. mamas gonna buy you another horse fly

[club mix] another horse fly. another horse fly

get peer reviewed @egberts

me: Ah my lovely new rug is finally here, one of a kind, hand woven, it really brings the room together.

Jeffery the spiller, holding a cartoonishly large drink with no lid:

ABCDEFGHIHJKLMNOP RSTUVW Y

23/26

strong contender for my new favorite tee k.o. shirt

nice

also to everyone who wanted the link to buy this shirt ummmm too bad. i plan to be the only person in existence who has this. what can i say i'm a gatekeeper

put those big brown eyes away dude now is NOT the time

I love baseball

they let the pest control man throw out the first pitch 😭

my scapegoat is eating your straw man

I’m going to the grocery store does anyone want to sublet my apartment for 45 minutes

How much

Only 3400

hot damn 🏃‍♂️ cmon guys lets go 🏃‍♂️🐕🐕🐕🐕🐕🐕🐕🐕🐕🐕🐕🧞‍♀️

ok I’m back you and your boyfriend and your dog and your dog and your dog and your dog and your dog and your dog and your dog and your dog and your dog and your dog and your dog and your djinn can go

There was a fifth penguin of Madagascar who was all sassy and sarcastic and had an emo haircut and he became a Tumblr sexyman.

dashboard is like a pond sometimes

lots of silly gooses

Haruhi fujioka really is the character ever. Going by any pronouns in 2006. Big beautiful brown eyes like a baby cow. Constant deadpan delivery. Getting bitches constantly. Reacts to romantic advances with a thousand-yard goldfish stare. Perfect flawless protagonist 10/10