Bianca: Wait, Enid, how much is your car insurance a yeah?

Enid: I don't have car insurance.

Bianca: You don't- How do you drive without car insurance?

Enid: Slowly.

not to be disrespectful, but I just know that Wednesday Addams is a freak in the sheets, like Enid could be on her period right now, and our favorite short emo girl is gonna be like 'say no more Babycakes I gotchu....'

Why don't they make stained glass fish tanks? Give those fish Catholic guilt

fascinated by the implication that it's the stained glass that gives catholics the guilt

The first funny bitch was Cain, who straight up lied to God after killing his brother.

God: where’s Abel?

Cain: fuck if I know??? I’m not in charge of him

It is TRAGIC that you can’t read this in the original Hebrew.

God:  Where’s the Sheepkeeper?

Cain: Do I LOOK like a Brotherkeeper? 

God: hey where’s Abel???

Cain:

He killed his yonger brother in cold blood because he was jealous of him. There is in no way anything funny about this. No hesitation just poped a rock over his turned head, droped his body over the edged and tried to lie to god about what he did. FUCK YALL CRAZIES!!!

oh are those the receipts, Cain is problematic now?

Cainceled 

This post gets worse every reblog

yet im not Abel to scroll past

This post hit me like a rock to the head

This is the quality content that keeps me on Tumblr

Yoko and Enid playing Jenga:

Wednesday, sneaking over:

Wednesday: *raises her foot*

Enid: WEDNESDAY, NO!

Wednesday: Your tower is pathetic.

Enid, protecting the tower: Fuck off.

dt: @jjs1402

Apollo be like:

Apollo: Don’t speak to me, my daughter or my sons ever-

Nico: And me I have a doctors note.

Apollo: OR MY SONS BOYFRIEND EVER AGAIN!

oh fuck this is a really good hill i gotta die on this

rich people seeing mount everest

Weems, walking into her office: What-

Wednesday, walking in behind her: Well, this seems like a bit of a predicament.

Weems:

Wednesday, holding her hands up: It wasn't me.

Weems: Wednesday, my office is filled with stop signs.

Weems: I have so many questions.

sick of hearing about "healing crystals" that "cleanse your mind and body of negative energy" i want to know which rocks can hurt you and fuck up your vibe so bad

everyone suggesting uranium isn't wrong but anyone who said "literally any rock if you're willing to resort to violence" are the only people who can get on my level. you're hired.

caincore

okay which fandom that sprung up out of nowhere overnight like mushrooms after rain is this a reference to i can't keep up anymore

oh you meant like. that guy from the bible who invented murder. right.

A brief moment of rationality from the bird place.

What are these? They look delicious!

Rou Jia Mo or or rougamo, kind of like a chinese burger or loose meat sandwich thingie.

Good lord when they open it up and all the steam escapes... If I don't eat one of these right now I might die

The Beast that Bothers

[video description: an animation of a cat bothering a person who’s asleep in bed. The cat runs around, jumps on top of them, lies on their head, jumps at the walls, and does various other things in time with the music. The person doesn’t react until the cat starts bapping them on the head, when they look at the cat and then go back to sleep. End description]

I would be the worst spy of all time because on one hand I overshare like hell, but on the other hand I also have THE shittiest memory so it’s really a lose/lose scenario for everyone involved.

guy interrogating me: What’s the passcode?

me: Ah fuck. I think it might be 792.....4?

me: Actually no I think it starts with a 2.

me:

me: Yeah I usually just rely on muscle memory for it. Do you think you could get a keypad in here? That might be faster.

guy interrogating me: who do you work for?!

me: Okay, so this is super embarrassing. I know he told me his name when we first met but I forgot and at this point it would be weird if I asked him for his name again, right? So I just kind of go with “sir” whenever I have to talk to him. It might be David though. He looks like a David.

me, after being extracted: bad news guys, I totally blew Dave’s cover.

my boss: Wait, what?

me: Yeah, like they had knives and shit and it was kind of stressful so I just told them that my contact’s name was David Johnson. Really sorry about that.

boss: We don’t have a David Johnson working for us. Are you thinking of James?

me: 

me: Good news, guys, I did not blow James’ cover!

Enemy 1: So, how did the interrogation go?

Enemy 2: We got nothing. All they did was ramble on about their childhood trauma for two hours.

Enemy 1: Hmm. maybe lower the dose of the truth serum next time.

Enemy 2: We didn’t use truth serum.

you know what really gets my goat?

el chupacabra

I’m sorry!? What?!

Whoa, chupacabra’s a millennial?

*A normal day in the quad"

Bianca: Addams, I like your top.

Enid: Hey, I have a name!

Wednesday:

Bianca:

Wednesday: I regret nothing