guess who’s back (back back) back again (gain gain) well it’s not me but anyway i’m going through some Things and i just need to write them down and stuff ugh
back in may i was kicked out of school where i studied to be a customer service person. i was kicked out ‘cause i was absent from school for well most of the school year. since may (well even before that) i’ve kept telling my mom (and other family members) that i’m doing ‘normal’ at school. if anyone asks specifics i’ll conjure up a few words about some courses i’m supposedly in the middle of. a web of lies. such fun.
two weeks ago my mom and grandma visited me. i was doing horrible, my apartment was a mess. they helped me clean it up. i was ashamed, obviously, i don’t want people to worry about me and they were worrying about me. when my mom got home after that, she called me and asked how i was doing. then she asked about school and i finally broke down, i cried on the phone for like five minutes and finally told my mom i was kicked out. she was disappointed, but she said she loves me, and now she’s determined to help me out. she’s not telling my other family members about my situation. she’s helping me get back on my feet again. she’s calling me every so often to check that i’m doing things to keep me going.
my first task was to go to the unemployment office and talk to someone to figure out what’s the best course of action. i want some kind of degree so i’m looking to become an customer service professional through apprenticeship. the unemployment office gave me two places to call to to ask for an apprenticeship opportunity, the local goodwill and red cross. i have to call back to goodwill about it tomorrow, but i already heard from red cross and they can’t take me. it sucks, but there’s something about it that i’m even more scared of.
see, my mom told me that if i don’t find an apprenticeship here in vaasa soon, i’ll have to look for a place back home in turku. that would mean moving back home. away from vaasa. away from all my friends. away from my theater hobby, away from the theater people. and i don’t wanna leave. i wanna stay here. i need an apprenticeship asap and if i don’t get one soon, i’ll have to leave.
i have no idea what i’ll do if i don’t find an apprenticeship opportunity here.
all this is making me scared and nervous and i feel like my brain is a ticking bomb that’ll blow up if i don’t get an apprenticeship......
anyway bye i’ll disappear from tumblr again i guess sIGH
