With the end of the Pidge Zine "Emerald", I knew that this apology was coming for a long time and it was time to get it done.
This project has been going on for a long time. It had gone along a lot longer than I would have liked it to have. When I first thought of the project idea, I thought I had it under control. A few fellow contributors had confirmed that I perhaps didn't have it all under control. It was a hard pill to swallow, but I swallowed it and worked with them to make sure that I had it all together. We delayed pre-orders for a long time, changing the name, and making sure things were prepared for when we opened them again.
This was not a perfect project. It wasn't imperfect because of the contributors who helped make the zine. They did an amazing job and I couldn't have been more proud to have them be a part of this. It wasn't even imperfect because of the moderators who helped me—it was imperfect because of my ignorance.
I thought I had things under control and I clearly didn't, before and perhaps even a little after I received help. I did my best to send out orders as they came in as timely as possible, even with a full-time job keeping me in the office from 11AM-7:30PM. Despite all that, the zine did poorly thanks to me. I could have promoted things a lot better but I didn't. A piece was left out of the final project, and that fell on me to remember to have it put in, but I didn't. It was like a subconsciously admitted defeat on this project, which wasn't fair to the contributors and those that worked hard on it or wanted to have a copy.
And for that, I am sorry.
Emerald could have done so much better if it was in someone's hands.
I'm sorry.
Since the zine did so poorly, I wanted to at least put more than what it had originally earned into place. I wanted to put in the effort to make it up to the project and those who looked forward to it. Originally, the zine made an amount of $438.54 (please see the expense excel sheet for reference of how much was gained and how much went into production). I went through the process of getting the items and then sending it to the contributors and those who had ordered the zine. As I continued to send it to contributors and some got lost along the way, I happily sent them another bundle because I would rather have them have a copy than not. Since I get paid bi-weekly and I care for my family, the chances I had to do that were slim. The longer it took me to take care of it, the longer it took me to get them out. And for that, I am also sorry that it took me so long.
I plan on adding an additional $388 to the contribution to the charity of my own money. This should cover the cost of the other zines and products that were not sold yet and/or lost. Perhaps doing this isn't exactly reasonable and maybe a part of it is to get rid of the bad karma around this zine. Regardless of what some might say about it, I feel that this is the right thing to do. No one but myself was or is holding me to this—it was something that I decided to do one day while I was sitting at work, staring at my computer. The full amount of what is donated should at least cover how much the remaining zines would have cost as a bundle. I am happily going to supply the money for it out of my own pocket.
This is going to take a bit of time since I get paid bi-weekly and Christmas has come and gone. I'm aiming to have it done at least by the beginning of the new year. Once I drop those funds into the PayPal account, I'm going to submit it to the charity. Although, if others think I should do what I have now, I will not object. At the time of writing this, I still have two copies to send out and two participants who have opted out of getting a copy that I would at least like to give them something for the hard work they put into this.
What does this mean for the remaining zines? Well, I certainly don't need this many copies of it. The zine's twitter and tumblr, will remain open, available for anyone who wants to see a history of the zine and what had happened during it. The shop will still be opened as well in case anyone else would still like a copy of the zine, even after the money is donated. Whatever future sales of the zine that occur, the proceeds will still continue to go to the charity of choice for the zine on a monthly basis. Do I expect more people to buy it? I don't want to think about that. I'll keep hold of the copies until they are either sold or I find something else to do with them.
The reason why I wrote all this is simply for transparency. The zine lasted a lot longer than I would have liked and that fault falls on no one but myself. It wasn't the other mods fault but my own. I am very grateful to everyone who had been so kind to me during this time. I understand that there has been a lot of zine drama around different zines. While Emerald was never a part of it, I had no doubt that someone thought of the project at least once or twice. I wanted to be as transparent as possible about the status of the zine and what was going to happen. I had wished I had gotten it done sooner, but I, unfortunately, did not.
Thank you so much to everyone for your never-ending patience. Once again, I am sorry for the continued delay of this finalization.
