Running Windows 95 on a 3DS is so surreal, from playing solitaire, to attempting to open internet explorer and effectively causing a blue screen of death.

ケサランパサラン・ノヴァ

HERE COMES THE ANGRY FLYING EXPLOSIVE PINECONE

https://ko-fi.com/C0C8C1JY

Mark the electrician has been here for five minutes and he’s already said “well that’s…weird” twice from the other room and frankly I’m afraid to ask.

It’s not good when skilled tradesman are standing in the middle of your room pinching the bridge if their nose, is it?

Mark just referred to the wiring in our bedroom as “creative” and “interesting”.

This is fine.

And now he’s taking apart the ceiling. I’m not worried, are any of you worried? I’m not, haha, it’s not like this house was previously owned by someone who would do something stupid like try to wire their house themselves…or store tins of varnish under the furnace behind a secret alcove…

Ha ha…

Ha.

Hm.

Fuck.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN THERE’S NO NEUTRAL WIRES??!?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT’S GROUNDED INTO THE SCREWS HOLDING UP THE CEILING LIGHT???!?!!

Jesus Christ man.

That sounds like the kind of house where if there’s a wiring fault, you’re struck by lightning.

I am laughing, so fucking hard at this comment because it is the absolute Aesthetic Mood of what it’s like living in this house.

Wait, this is the same dude as the crucifix nail nipples dude?

Dude, ironically, crucifix nail nipples *might* protect you from lightning strikes. Lightning rods and all that.

Tbh I need protection from that post at this point. Also yes, that is me. The vampire nipple editor. God help me.

Sometimes your eyes cannot see the dream that happens in front of your own eyes. Artwork: @randominternational Video: @jesserieser Gallery: @pacegallery 

(via twitter)

Dark Souls: 2011

Favorite video of all time, always reblog

this is easily the best one. the slight facial expression change once he finishes talking. the horribly unnatural fall into the water. the nailed swimming animations. the ragdoll. this man is a national treasure

My man Jesus

What story is that?

Matthew 18:9

“And if your eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away.”

“Jesus, how can I avoid sin when all these hussies keep revealing the fact that they have bodies?!”

“Hmmm, tough call bro. Have you tried gouging out your eyes so you don’t have to see all those bodies anymore?”

“wut”

“What?”

“Shouldn’t you tell them to… stop dressing like that or something?”

“Don’t see why. It’s not their fault that the fact that they have bodies makes you a fucking sinful horndog. Gotta fix that problem yourself, buddy. Go on, blind yourself.”

“Uh….”

“Or learn to keep it in your g’damn pants no matter what they’re wearing.”

He goes on for like several examples too.

“How can I avoid like, an accidental slip of the hand when…they’re dressin like that?”

“Cut it off.”

“wut”

“Cut it off. Your hand. If it’s a problem, stop having a hand.”

“wut”

“What”

“Did I fucking stutter?”

And for our variety hour, here’s some nice things about Jesus

Canon Jesus > Fanon Jesus

here’s my interpretation

I don’t see a downside

*buys several boxes of chocolate* 

(concerned) Motherfucker?

When a customer says some Weird Shit in the middle of check-out,

Okay, so very recently, I was cashiering for Publix, and it was late at night, and I actually didn’t wanna be there, go figure. So this woman walks up, buying about 15-20 items, which is a pretty clean run for me, so I’m scanning her groceries, and we carry a small conversation.

During this conversation, she asks me if I’m in school, and I say yes. I tell her about how exams went, as they were near that period, and told her I had a Biology exam that was over genetics. And she looks me straight in the eyes, with seriousness of a heart attack being read in every wrinkle of her white soccer mom face, and says: “Oh, I’m a Christian, I don’t believe in genetics.”

Flabbergasted. My eyes do that spinny rainbow thing that Apple computers do when theyre buffering. A second goes by. I’ve gone through all stages of grief at this point, but haven’t reached acceptance. I have to say something, I have to say SOMETHING. If I just stare at her through this, she’ll know I think she’s fucking dumb and she might get angry, and I don’t need that. Two seconds have gone by. I have stopped scanning groceries at this point, and am just being violently shot back and forth between two sections of the galaxy. I can feel my body taking leave of my soul. Three seconds. I have to say something. 

“Anyway, I did well on my accounting exam, so that’s something. Do you have any coupons?”

tweet of the millennium