Over the last several weeks, I have come to some interesting realizations about my writing. Don't worry, I'm not giving up writing. I've been writing for 25 years, so it's just part of who I am at this point.
However, over the last couple of years, I have felt disconnected. While I love everything I've written (even if they didn't always turn out how I pictured), there were many times I felt like the writing was forced. There wasn't ease in the transition. I am by no means a professional writer, but as someone who has been writing for as long as I have been, you get this feeling while writing where you just know it's a smooth transition from one scene to the next. And I lost that. Again, I am very proud of what I've written during this time, but I also feel disappointed as well. I am disappointed in myself.
When I first started writing, I was young. I wasn't posting online, I just did it for fun. It was something that passed the time during a very difficult period of my life.
I was a teenager when I first started actually posting online. It started with wrestling (WWE), then progressed to tennis and NASCAR. Other fandoms would also come into play over the years.
Within the last five years, I have mainly written in 2 fandoms. Now, I am not saying anything against these fandoms or the people I have met through them. What I am going to say, is that in joining these fandoms and writing in these fandoms, I kind of lost myself. No one is to blame but myself. I hope that those I have met and those who enjoy my works don't think this has anything to do with them. This is all on me and the pressure I put on myself.
Instead of writing for the love of writing, I began to write in more of a "this is expected" sort of way. I don't even know if that even makes sense. Again, I am still proud of my work, but it's been a struggle.
So it's time for a change. I am going back to my roots. I am going back to how it used to be. While my posting of fics still may be sporadic, there will hopefully be more. It'll mainly be sporadic because I don't want to start posting unless I know I'll actually finish writing. So I will be writing out a majority of these fics before starting to post.
That being said, I also want to start writing one-shot fics again. I need to get it out of my head that I can only do multichapter fics. Because I did so many one-shots years ago.
With all of this, there will be a change in what I post. I am stepping away from 2 fandoms for the time being. I will be back. I still have plenty of ideas for them. I just need to get back to the joy of writing again. I know a lot of you who do follow me follow for a certain fandom/pairing. So I will understand if you decide to unfollow as it may be a while before I write for them again.
I also know that the fics I do have planned to post won't be over as much even within the fandoms. I'm okay with that. Because at the end of the day, I want to write for the love of writing and for what I'm interested in. It won't be for everyone.
If you've made it this far in reading, thank you. I appreciate each and every one of you who have followed me over the years. I have loved sharing my fics with you. And will continue to do so in the future. If you're interested in different fandoms, please be on the lookout.
Current fics in progress for this change feature one for wrestling and one for tennis.
Fingers crossed I'll actually be able to find myself again.
P.S. I may also look into closing this tumblr down (by way of changing the name but leaving everything here) and opening up a new with the same name I have now to start fresh. Please let me know if you'd be interested in continuing to follow me if I do this. I will also post an update with the link to that one once I decided. But I can tag people who are definitely interested.
P.P.S. just a reminder that you are all amazing.
