This is so interesting to me because I think I can finally identify the fundamental misreading of Steve’s character. This tweet highlights the very fandom notion of Steve, that he’s some angsty self-deprecating sweetheart who just wants to be valued and needed, when that’s not at all what his character in the show has ever been. I like my angsty fics for sure, but canonically Steve’s arc has never been about being wanted and needed, it’s always been about moving past expectations and reaching emotional honesty.
Buckle up, it’s a Steve Harrington Manifesto.
In season one, Steve is deeply embroiled in toxic masculinity and is surrounded by bad influences who lean hard into cruelty and apathy. He doesn’t always agree, he half heartedly calls out Tommy and Carol when they cross a line, but they’re still his friends. He has a place with them and in school. But his role and the expectations of him are in direct conflict with his blossoming love for Nancy. He genuinely cares about her, he is falling in love with her, but there are only certain ways he can express that love without compromising his reputation. When he thinks Nancy has cheated on him, he doesn’t confront her about it, he doesn’t find a healthy way to work through those emotions, he sinks into the cruelty and apathy, to an extent what’s expected of him as a boy in the 80’s. He lashes out at Nancy and Jonathan, and has to face the consequences of those actions. (Cue one of the best redemption arcs of all time.) He realizes, listening to Tommy and Carol continue to be horrible about everything while he deals with the emotional fallout of the day, that this isn’t a solution, that he doesn’t feel better, and that he has done harm. He makes amends for it, cleaning the sign and going to apologize to Jonathan directly. He’s trying to process the situation in a better way. When he steps into the Plot finally, he makes the deliberate choice to not walk away but to stay and fight and confront the physical danger with Nancy and Jonathan. He ends the season happy with Nancy, making amends with Jonathan, changed for the better.
In season 2, it’s clear that he’s still struggling with confronting emotions. He and Nancy have been dating for a year, but they’re faltering because she’s grieving and wants to take action, and he doesn’t know how to confront her emotions or take that action with her. He clings to the facade of normal and happy, while Nancy can’t do that. They’re not toxic, they struggle to meet each other’s emotional needs because of traumatic events. Steve is used to pretending and ignoring emotions for that apathy (but no longer tied to cruelty like Tommy and Carol). Nancy can’t handle that, it’s bullshit. Steve has made progress though. When his ‘title’ of King Steve is threatened by Billy, but Steve healthily refuses to engage with it until Billy becomes a threat not just to his social power but to the physical safety of the kids.
So, Steve adopts a bunch of children. Namely, Dustin, who he talks to about relationships. He encourages behaviors he’s used to, act like you don’t care. Unless you love her, which you better not because emotional honesty means getting your heart broken. It doesn’t work for Dustin. But Steve is allowed to be honest about his feelings for Nancy without derision like with Tommy and Carol. She’s different, she means a lot to him.
He is once again losing Nancy, and isn’t lashing out about it, but is trying to process his hurt. He allows Nancy to walk away, with a maturity that he definitely didn’t have in season one. But it’s still the easy choice for him. It’s not full emotionally honest. He loves her and he wants to be with her, but he steps back to prevent his heart from breaking further.
So he’s a shitty boyfriend but a pretty good babysitter. And Steve allows himself to make an honest emotional connection with Dustin and the other kids. Once again he’s encouraged to confront the physical conflict and steps up both with Billy and the tunnels. And he ends the season with a sweet true moment of connection in the car with Dustin. He’s still grieving his relationship with Nancy and watching her from afar. But he drives away.
In season 3, Steve is single for the first time in the show. His friendship with Dustin is strong and he’s getting closer to Robin fully outside the expectations of high school. He’s looking for love and failing miserably. His conversations about love with Dustin and his bonding with Robin culminates with the bathroom scene (which is arguably the best scene in this entire show.) His speech to Robin in the bathroom is clear: these facades I used to believe in were stupid, I should have been emotionally honest to myself and others, and I should have been hanging out with you. He doesn’t hesitate to admit that he was in love with Nancy, and that she broke his heart. And he follows it up with his confession. He’s fully emotionally honest about his love for Robin. He never had a speech like that with Nancy in the first two season (that we saw) but I think we can assume that there wasn’t, their flirting was always more coy and wrapped up in those expectations from external forces. And Robin’s response is one of complete emotional honesty. This moment is important for his character, to learn that there are connections and love beyond romance. His care for the kids and Robin is real and fulfilling and it gives him space to be emotionally honest. Here he is truly open, confronting and being honest about his feelings in a healthy way. And he receives in return emotional honesty, and a connection that’s important despite the fact that it’s not romantic. (This is that thing, that ‘the answer to every teenage boy’s problems isn’t girlfriend’. This is that. It’s right here.)
So when we hit season 4, Steve has multiple healthy platonic relationships built on emotional honesty. He knows who he is, but he’s still looking for love (not sex or other fleeting attachments). He’s no longer afraid of falling in love, he’s actively looking for someone who makes him feel the way Nancy made him feel. So when Nancy re-enters his life, when he has people telling him that there’s something there still, he takes a chance on it. He bares his soul to her in two parts with his dream. It’s pure emotional honesty, it’s walls down. Season one Steve probably couldn’t have dreamed of saying something like that to anyone. But he is able to say it now.
(His desire for a big family is perfectly in character btw, and he’s very obviously not looking for some 50’s nuclear family with all the toxic roles and expectations that have been foisted upon him. He describes a genuine and loving family based on the connection he experiences with the kids. It’s beautiful and it’s his transcendence beyond the expectations that he will be like his dad or Ted Wheeler. He doesn’t want to meet those expectations, that’s part of his arc.) And, later, once again walking directly into the physical conflict, he faces his emotional conflicts. He tells Nancy exactly how he feels about her, honestly and healthily. He has no expectations and no jealousy. He faces the risk of a broken heart again and death again, and he faces it bravely.
It is the obvious next step in his development. Whether or not he and Nancy end up together, he has reached new heights as a character, his arc is almost completed. I think how Nancy responds in season 5 and how he processes that is the best possible conclusion for Steve. He has come full circle and is the most evolved version of himself. But if you never understood that arc, and read it as something else entirely, based on fanon, yeah, maybe it was disappointing. I, however, am beyond satisfied that the best character on Stranger Things continues to be the best character on Stranger Things.
