Break-So-Beautifully

Anyway here’s a poem I wrote about my cat

After “Do not stand at my grave and weep”, author disputed:

Do not stand at your bowl and meow. I gave you food. It’s in there now. I feed you at the dawning light, I feed you at the fall of night. I feed you kibbles mixed with meat And wet food for a special treat. I feed you even though you scoff At all the food within your trough. I feed you and still yet you yell Like as a beast from deepest hell. Do not stand at your bowl and cry. I gave you food. You will not die.

I wrote one for my roommate’s cat as well;

Do not stand at my feet and cry It’s VEGETABLES, you silly guy! Your begging will not change the food Into a thing you think is good I’ll give you things not cheese or meat You sniff at them and then retreat And yet, as soon as chopping starts You run back in and beg for parts You squint your eyes at plant-based food And yet you won’t stop BEGGING, dude! Do not stand by the stove and bleat You don’t like this. You will not eat.

I haven't had the best day, but this...this made me laugh so hard I had to get a tissue and wipe my eyes 🤣🤣🤣

@thehandsomelamplighter

Aaaahahahahahaha. These are right up your alley. Brightened my day, I hope they brighten yours. Happy Birthday.

🥰

Whumping the whumpers. 🤌🏻

@break-so-beautifully

Thanks for the tag. This is adorable.

put your number (0-20) in the tags!!!!!! i think i got 14!!

anyone who comments that finding ways to enjoy the brief time we have on this bitch of an earth is cringey will be blocked ^_^ <3

16. Hehehehehe

Seal taking a free ride

(via)

@break-so-beautifully

Lol. Adorable. Thanks for the tag.

Cat sparrow

seals are in!!!!

@break-so-beautifully

Awwww. Adorable. Thanks @skellietoonz

I need you guys to listen so bad, but I’m at least glad people on Twitter are starting to talk about this. The government of Canada is expanding Medically Assisted Death to cull the poor and disabled, and now suicidal and mentally ill (these are usually interchangeable of course here). It is EUGENICS and every single disabled rights organization is against it.

Disability payments are $1,200 a month. The average one bedroom apartment rent in the Greater Toronto Area (greatest pop. area by far here) is $2,000 a month. People with mental illnesses are on months long waitlists to get even a single publicly funded session. Weeks to get privately funded care which costs at least $200 a session. There is no housing here for disabled people. We are in one of the worst housing crises in the world right now.

Doctors are now offering MAiD unprompted to young suicidal people. This woman is 21, a health practitioner literally suggested she kill herself.

This is one of the worst Disability Rights Violations we’ve ever seen in Canada. The government is killing us because it is cheaper than funding healthcare, cheaper than giving people housing and food and basic human rights.

Stop being so dramatic. If you don't want MAID, don't submit a request for it. It's that simple. The government is not just killing people randomly.

That's a lot of words for "I don't understand how coercion works."

Asshole. :)

This does not seem like a good idea. How tragic.

i desperately need my moots who aren’t doctor who fans to see this PLEASE

#no fucking way we got sacha dhawan as the master BEING Rasputin and dancing to rasputin by Boney M in 1916 Siberia #all in front of his tied up ex just to taunt her #surrounded by the universe’s most powerful military races #hes such a BITCH i love him

Please tell me the lights and music is unedited

Absolutely delighted to announce this is 100% unedited, lights and music and all.

This is just how the Master fuckin DO.

I… like this? Lol. Clearly I need to catch up.

“this is my comfort character” and then it’s a character who has never seen comfort in their life

@break-so-beautifully

Hahahahhaha. Guilty as charged. Sort of. Hehehe. At least mine always get happy/hopeful endings. Lol.

POV: You see your favorite Frenchman and your most hated colleague at the same time and your face couldn't function properly.

Aaahahahahahahahaha

A Good Old-Fashioned Midwestern Apocalypse

@thehandsomelamplighter @break-so-beautifully

Appropriate for October. Thanks for the tag.

HERE’S THE THING THOUGH

I used to work for a call center and I was doing a political survey and I called this number that was randomly generated for me and the way our system worked was voice-activated so when the other person said hello you’d get connected to them, so I just launch right into my “Harvard University and NPR blah blah blah” thing and then there’s this long pause and I think the person’s hung up even though I didn’t hear a click

And then I hear “you shouldn’t be able to call this number.”

So I apologize and go into the preset spiel about because we aren’t selling anything, etc. etc. and the answer I get is

“No, I know that. What I mean is that it should be impossible for you to call this number, and I need to know how you got it.”

I explain that it’s randomly generated and I’m very sorry for bothering him, and go to hang up. And before I can click terminate, I hear:

“Ma’am, this is a matter of national security.”

I accidentally called the director of the FBI.

My job got investigated because a computer randomly spit out a number to the Pentagon.

This is my new favourite story.

When I was in college I got a job working for a company that manages major air-travel data. It was a temp gig working their out of date system while they moved over to a new one, since my knowing MS Dos apparently made me qualified.

There was no MS Dos involved. Instead, there was a proprietary type-based OS and an actually-uses-transistors refrigerator-sized computer with switches I had to trip at certain times during the night as I watched the data flow from six pm to six AM on Fridays and weekends. If things got stuck, I reset the server. 

The company handled everything from low-end data (hotel and car reservations) to flight plans and tower information. I was weighed every time I came in to make sure it was me. Areas of the building had retina scanners on doors. 

During training. they took us through all the procedures. Including the procedures for the red phone. There was, literally, a red phone on the shelf above my desk. “This is a holdover from the cold war.” They said. “It isn’t going to come up, but here’s the deal. In case of nuclear war or other nation-wide disaster, the phone will ring. Pick up the phone, state your name and station, and await instructions. Do whatever you are told.”

So my third night there, it’s around 2am and there’s a ringing sound. 

I look up, slowly. The Red phone is ringing.

So I reach out, I pick up the phone. I give my name and station number. And I hear every station head in the building do the exact same. One after another, voices giving names and numbers. Then silence for the space of two breaths. Silence broken by…

“Uh… Is Shantavia there?”

It turns out that every toll free, 1-900 or priority number has a corresponding local number that it routs to at its actual destination. Some poor teenage girl was trying to dial a friend of hers, mixed up the numbers, and got the atomic attack alert line for a major air-travel corporation’s command center in the mid-west United States.

There’s another pause, and the guys over in the main data room are cracking up. The overnight site head is saying “I think you have the wrong number, ma’am.” and I’m standing there having faced the specter of nuclear annihilation before I was old enough to legally drink.

The red phone never rang again while I was there, so the people doing my training were only slightly wrong in their estimation of how often the doomsday phone would ring. 

These are my two favorite stories

IT GOT BETTER

I SALUTE YOU, RED PHONE PERSON

I needed this laugh

Most ironic photos

Here’s a photo my dad took at work