nonsense — 29. helpless, breathless
“you’re sick,” you scolded as discreetly as you could as you passed by oikawa on your way to the tent. it was a barely noticeable phrase but you knew he heard. he’s not supposed to be wandering this area without someone assisting him, he caught your eye whilst marching on under the scorching heat as another feat of wonders of working in general— today was a bit different, the cast and crew had to go travel to a secluded beach two hours away from the city to film. oikawa’s worsening condition was even more evident in broad daylight and not in the confines of a studio, well, to you, since no one else has suspected a thing with how he looked perfectly fine objectively and how he acted completely normal, only people who truly knew him and his little ticks would notice.
you could feel his gaze on the back of your head and sense he started following after you, in case his shadow you spot in your peripheral vision wasn’t enough. you glance to the side to see everyone busy with setting up the set, but surely, there was someone who was going to be looking for oikawa. he most probably sneaked out of his van because his head ached too unbearably, and whenever he had a headache you remember he thought walking would help in easing the pain.
you let out a heaving breath as you balance the folders tucked in your arms, turning to the right the moment you were supposed to enter the tent, continuing on your trek through the white sand, far enough to be hidden behind a large rock. right then, you turn abruptly and huff at oikawa.
he was tucked in one of his hoodies, eyes wide with bleariness, the first thing he says is a lie, "i'm not sick."
it was so unconvincing you were offended that he would think that would work on you. he sees the look on your face and backtracks, looking to the side, at the ocean and juts his lower lip out like a child who didn’t want to give in but knows he's already caught so he didn’t really have any other choice, "okay… i'm not very sick."
you leered at him, and with firm determination, removed a hand on the folder you're clutching to place a hand on his forehead, “you’re burning!” you say with alarm.
oikawa finally looks at you, raises a brow, the corner of his lips turning up subtly, he had the gall to be amused by this and for what? “in your words, that’s excessi–”
you use the same hand that was previously on his forehead to slap his chest, half to scold him, half to shut him up, “have you had a check up with your doctor?"
“well, i.. uhm i didn’t have.. time," oikawa tucks his hood to cover himself more, wincing at the heat. his headaches are acting up again, you deduce.
"have you been eating?" you size him up, the entirety of his 6 foot 1 form slouching, like he was trying to make himself look more meek so you would go easier on him.
"uh ye-" oikawa and you lock eyes, you glare at him, he sighs, "i've been eating enough to not starve," he offers.
"so you haven't been eating enough," you seeth. before you could start scolding him again you hear voices starting to get near, your eyes widen a fraction before you hiss at him to go along first, begrudgingly.
oikawa looks back at you with hesitance before you nudge his shoulder for him to go before the both of you would get caught– but no, those aren’t the right words, it made it sound as if you two were doing something suspicious that you currently would not like to expand on, you were merely looking out for him as a.. as a concerned citizen.
after urging him away, you hear him talking to a few people, explaining how he wanted to see the view and wandered around, so these were the people looking for him. he managed to divert their attention to go back to the site, all while you thought you looked stupid hiding behind a big stupid rock. after a few minutes you came running back to the tent to deliver the files, apologizing about being late. you think they said that it was fine, you weren’t sure, since the response you were given was in the form of "hm" and pointing to where you should leave it.
you went to seek out akane, who was helping people out with the set because she finished her menial tasks earlier— at least until someone were to order her to do something. you offered to lend a hand and it wasn't your fault your gaze tended to wander to a certain brown haired stubborn ill person who was conversing with the director over you wouldn’t know what instead of getting as much rest as he can with the shooting not officially beginning.
you swear he wants to make you worry.
you didn't have to worry about him this much.
but you do, and you really can't stop.
alright, you admitted to not hating him, a sad fact, and you did embarrassingly admit to missing him as well, let us point out that he said it first, so you could hardly blame yourself for responding. you were still unsure on what you wanted to do with your lingering feelings. what did you want? did you want him? did you still want to be with him?
you freeze in the middle of your shocking realization with thy self, eye twitching but eventually making yourself snap out of it at the expense of making everyone else think you were being weird, by everyone else you really meant akane, who was beside you and had a front row seat to your complicated emotions that really weren’t all that complicated but it feels as if it is.
having this little moment in the middle of bustling people really wasn’t convenient, oh god, you and your horrible timing. you can't help yourself and just stop looking at his direction, you should stop, so what if—
"oikawa-san!" a shrill startled voice snapped you out of your argument with yourself as you glance at the direction of the commotion, as with everyone who was within range. your eyes glance worriedly over to where oikawa was being helped up by his manager and a person who was near and within reach. you watch as oikawa tries to shake it off with laughter, telling everyone to continue with what they were doing. your hands flex on the box you were carrying, resisting the urge to go assist him. you can't do that, everybody would think it’s weird.
"are you alright, oikawa-san?" you heard someone ask. you go on with your work as with everybody else and let the few people there handle the situation.
you keep your ears open on their end though.
you hear oikawa's laughter, "i'm alright, just got a bit dizzy, perhaps it's too hot here?" he excuses, you walk away and didn't get to hear what the director, who was still there, and oikawa’s manager, said. you hope they're telling him to go and rest, they probably were, but oikawa was probably insisting that he was fine and more than ready to work.
"psst, why are you so distracted?" akane bumps your shoulder with hers. you blink a few times, a stuttered out 'what?' your only response.
"exactly! what's the matter with you today? you should be enjoying, it's fun to be out here for a change! it's so peaceful!" akane grins, emphasizing the 'out here' with her arms spread and pointing out the view, despite the many equipment placed in the secluded area. the peacefulness was the onslaught of people busily and methodically working.
"it's nothing, maybe i just lack a bit of sleep," you smile at her to keep her at bay.
akane just nods and crosses her arms, free from holding stuff, which reminds you to put what you were holding down, "hey, do you think oikawa-san is okay? the way he lost balance out there is kinda worrying you know?"
tell me about it. little did she know that's exactly what you were stressing about.
you watched behind one of your superiors as oikawa and another actor— kawashima moyashi, a rising actor on his own right— was acting out their scene. everyone was dead silent watching everything play out. it was already around four in the afternoon and the filming for the day was almost complete, according to your supervisor who was also very tired and couldn’t wait to go home early for once. the scene playing out had been repeated two times now because oikawa was dissatisfied with how he performed.
once the director yelled cut, oikawa immediately went out of character, “was that alright?”
the director agreed cheerily, enthusiastically saying, “perfect! i loved it, truly!” —wow you were watching the political hierarchy of filming in person— while the others were clearing the props.
oikawa finally smiled, relieved, and started walking over, his manager trailing behind him with oikawa’s water bottle and jacket.
you keep your eye on oikawa for a little while, only snapping out of it when akane tugs on your arm, saying you guys should head to where akane parked her car— she gave you a ride here. akane pulls on your wrist, eventually when you get a hold of yourself you say, "yeah, yes, okay let's go."
meanwhile, the director talked about oikawa’s further projects and if it was going to interfere with the filming schedule, oikawa reassured him it would be fine, but then the director said no, he was asking so to make the filming schedules suitable for him. oikawa’s manager cut in, saying that oikawa needed to get ready for another shoot this evening and that they had to hurry.
"have you been taking your migraine pills?" his manager asked when they were a bit far away from everyone, on the way to his van. oikawa had a hand clutching his head again which was why he asked if he was taking his pills, the migraines weren’t a new thing after all.
"yes," oikawa replies, keeping it to himself that it wasn’t just a migraine. he can't rest now, he still has a lot to do.
"let's take a break before we go to the shoot. where would you like to go, oikawa?" his manager asked once they were nearing the vehicle.
"i…" oikawa had to stop walking for a second. his face scrunched in pain, he had to press his other hand to his forehead to help in easing the pain. he only needed to get in the van, why won't his body just cooperate?
"oikawa?" he hears the voice of sato, who seemed more distant than before.
"i'm fi— shit," oikawa leans back on the sleek cover of his van, breathing heavily. "i just need—" swallowing a deep breath, "—a break."
"oikawa perhaps we should…"
his manager was talking but oikawa couldn't understand most of what sato was saying. it was too hot. was he the only one feeling as if it's too hot? but at the same time, it was cold. he was sweating. his hair was rising because of the cold—heat. his chest felt restricted, finding it a bit difficult to breathe. but it's fine, it was going to be fine. sato said they can take a break, oikawa thinks that would be nice. he just needed to close his eyes for a moment and they could get going. he pushes himself off the van and starts, "let's go—"
oikawa falls to his knees. fuck.
hands were on his shoulders, firm but gentle, "you're so stupid."
were you being impulsive? yes, absolutely. were you going to regret this later on? also a yes, most probably.
you were talking to akane, fiddling with your phone to pass time because riseki was going to be tagging along but he was finishing some things up back in the site and you both opted waiting for him, but not without being a little mean and chatting in the group chat that you guys were going to leave him behind. that was when your eyes wandered to where oikawa was walking with his manager. you jerked away from your idle position when he leant on his car quite abruptly. you completely leave your post when you watch as his legs go numb.
it was foolish. definitely, his manager was right there, he was going to be fine without you to rush to his side. it was foolish, but now you were kneeling beside him, your hands were clutching his shoulders and you were very frantic.
"don't you dare pass out!" you were angry, biting your lower lip furiously. one of your hands reached up to brush his hair away from his face because you noticed that he was sweating a lot.
"[n/n]," he calls out weakly, and yet the way he said his nickname for you made your mind swirl, "you were right," he breathes heavily, "i am sick."
"are you trying to be funny right no—" you were huffing out, exasperated.
"let's get him home, i'll call his physician," you forgot his manager was here. you looked up at the guy, it wasn't the first time you've seen him, it wasn't the first time he's seen you. though you do have a hard time recalling people's names, was his… sa.. sa something.
"okay.." you say, rising from your position on the ground and lifting oikawa up with the help of mr. sa-something. oikawa's manager opens the door to the van and you urge oikawa inside while he could still move.
once you were satisfied that oikawa was sitting and assured yourself he was going to be fine, you attempted to move your hands away, and you had to go back to akane of course. akane who's seeing everything unfolding right now. you dread the latter that comes and you were going to have a lot of explaining to do.
oikawa grabs a hold of your wrists, eyes fluttering open, "where are you going?" he was blinking furiously, still battling with his head, and he was obviously frowning.
"i have to.. " you begin and the disappointment was evident on his face, cursing you and your tendency to go weak for him, "well maybe i.."
"you should come with him," his manager makes the decision for you. you lock eyes with him and he looks away, "he's going to need someone other than me to help."
to you, he sounded the most sensible, clearly, that was why you were going in the van.
you make one look back to where akane was, and your eyes lock on hers and riseki's, great, more people. you blinked twice, they blinked back, before your view was blocked with oikawa's manager slamming the door shut.
oikawa didn't let go of your hand even for one moment.
even when you dragged him to his bedroom, across the lavish floors of his penthouse, which made it quite a difficult task since his bedroom was upstairs. even when his physician came in, looking haggard since you assume they had rushed to go here when oikawa's manager called, they didn't forget to give you a quick nod of acknowledgement, before going to oikawa's side and asking him questions. even when he eventually drifted off to sleep.
he was acting like a kid, the last time he got sick, you could vaguely remember him being childish too. it was kind of… nice to know that he didn't change that much.
"[name]-san, can you watch oikawa for a bit, at least before i come back? i have to talk to the coordinators of the shoot oikawa was supposed to do this evening and ask them to reschedule," his manager said, already gathering his things.
oikawa’s physician was in the corner, finishing writing stuff down, "sato, get him these medications while you're at it," his physician handed him the prescriptions, "make sure he takes them for a week, his fever is high, you should've called me sooner."
sato— you've finally gotten his name! you knew it started with sa— nodded, and turned back to face you, "sorry for making you do this favor, i know it might be a bit.. awkward."
"it's alright," you say, and look down at your hand that oikawa had a fierce grip on, "i don't think i could go even if i wanted to," you attempted to joke to lighten the mood.
oikawa's manager let out a small smile before nodding to you and leaving, the physician also waved to you before following out. it didn't take long before you were alone with tooru. with him like this, it was easy to feel… well, easy. you were thinking of what to make him for dinner, he needed to eat something as much as he needed to rest. even just some soup would be good— but a meal would probably be best. but first, you have to make him let go of you.
you first attempt the most rational thing, which is pulling your hand away, but that makes his lids open, and now he was staring at you, "are you leaving?" he says after a few seconds of merely looking at each other.
"i'm not," you say, though not very convincingly, which is probably why he won’t let you go.
"you were pulling away," he says, and it sounded like a complaint.
"i was just planning to go and—"
"so you were planning to leave," to show just how displeased he was, he made a move to interlock your hands. was he losing his reasoning because he was sick? at this, you roll your eyes.
"i was just going to make you some food to eat, i’ll be right back,” you were trying to subtly shake your hand away, “go back to sleep," you say.
he tightens his hold, scrutinizing you, "you promise?"
you blink, did he really want to do this right now? he wasn't faltering, even if you knew he wanted to shut his eyes closed. he was really selling the act of a child, even more because of the cloth on his forehead.
"i promise," you say with finality, when he deemed you sincere enough, he reluctantly let go of your hand. it made you smile damn it. because he was being good, you hold his hand and draw little circles on his palm to make him sleepy, "go back to sleep," like your voice had incredible powers, he drifted off to sleep again.
you let go of him and went down to check his fridge to see what you were going to have to be working with. he thankfully had a storage of a healthy variety of food— though he kind of has to because of his profession— so it was easy to prepare his meal. you did have to go down to the grocery store beside his building once to buy some vegetables oikawa was running out of.
an hour passed by and you were heading back to oikawa's room, tray in hand with a bowl of the food you prepared and some water. you open the door as silent as you could, the door creaked anyways. you glimpse at oikawa to see that he was still asleep, you place the tray down on his bedside table and instead grab the cloth placed on his head to replace it with a new one.
you were in the middle of fixing it on his forehead when he grasps your wrist, it was like he sensed whenever you were attempting to do anything to him and automatically had to wake up just to see you.
"you stayed," oikawa says, voice groggy.
"i told you i was just going to prepare you food," you say, leaning back to have a proper conversation with him, "i was planning to make you sleep some more before waking you to eat, but since you're already awake you might as well eat now. your manager still hasn't come back with your medicine so you better replenish your energy. why do you overwork so much? don't you have a say with how much work you take on? you do, don't you? but you probably think 'a few wouldn't be overkill, and it establishes my fame' without any regards about your health. what i'm saying is, take care of yourself and stuff," you huff.
oikawa reaches for your hand and gently makes it so that you cup his face, he closes his eyes for a moment, relishing in the heat that radiates off of you, "mhm, care for me more."
"you're enjoying this?" your brows furrow.
"you're giving me a lot of attention, so yeah," oikawa murmurs, his eyes still closed.
you felt your cheeks turn warm, "you have to eat."
"later," oikawa sighs when you brush your thumb over his eyelids.
"no," you take your touch away, much to oikawa's dismay. you make your way to grab a chair and place it on the other side of his bed, you take the tray and place it on your lap while oikawa watches you the whole time.
he then says the oddest thing.
"feed me?" it wasn't a question, it was more of a request.
"you look like you're well enough, you're even making demands," you snark, because of course you had to.
"no.. i'm still feeling very awful.. my head still hurts and my throat is starting to get sore, and my hand kind of hurts so you have to feed me," oikawa was being dramatic by the end, he knew it, you knew it, and yet you couldn't resist a small smile to adorn your face. you couldn't help but be overcome with relief too, since if he could be ridiculous then he was better now because he got some rest.
"you're acting like a kid," you say but you were already gathering a spoonful of food and taking it to his lips. oikawa was a very willing recipient.
"do you hate it?" oikawa asks, trying to catch your gaze but you were actively avoiding meeting eyes with him and much preferred to just look at the food, and to his lips, oh but looking at his lips was a bad idea, so you focus on looking at the spoon instead.
"yes," you say without much bite, continuing your notions of feeding him.
"you hate me?" oikawa asks again, as if he needed a lot more reassurance.
"i do," you answer, because you were a menace.
a comfortable silence goes over you two, with you continuing with your ministrations, peacefully feeding him the food. while oikawa was admiring you, in disbelief again that you were really here in front of him. that you stayed with him. that he couldn't help but say words that made you freeze on the spot.
"can you take me back too?"
your eyes widen and you finally look at him, "what?"
"if you still want me, can you give me another chance?" oikawa waited with a baited breath for your response, his heart was pounding and he felt breathless, and it wasn't because he had a fever. it was because you were breathtaking, your presence was breathtaking, and he didn't know if he could last without the comfort of knowing he had the right to look at you and feel like this.
“[name],” he says your name in that way again. the one that makes your insides feel wonky and you can’t believe it, he’s so.. he is so.. he makes you want to scream. your eyes were feeling warm, you didn’t mean to, but perhaps with this morning and what was happening now and just—
"are you not just saying nonsense because you're sick," you blink furiously, trying to hold back the frustrated tears. your hands were shaky as you placed the utensils in the bowl and you were placing the tray back to the side.
oikawa lifts himself up more from the bed and reaches over to your hands, to stop the shaking or just because you don’t know. he was looking at you, asking to hold you, you let him. he could see your watery eyes and he was holding your hands so gently it made you want to stand up, turn around and run away, but you don’t.
"no..” oikawa made sure he was clear, “i want to be with you again, [name], if you'd take me back. by taking me back, i don’t mean i’d immediately be your boyfriend again, i want to prove to you that i deserve you. besides, with or without a label, i’m yours."
he was waiting for your response. you swallow back your tears, emotional, you’ve always been. oikawa made soothing circles on the back of your hand, mirror to the one you were doing to his earlier. while you sat there and tried to process everything, everything that happened, about how he made you feel— how he makes you feel, the good, the bad, and everything in between. you were thinking about everything you went through with him, everything you went through because of him.
oikawa was never going to just be someone you knew.
he was always going to be something more.
do you want to let him be everything to you again?
“i won’t make it easy for you.”
- ever since [name] was caught viewing and liking oikawa’s tweets she’s been using her priv account to view oikawa related tweets lmao
- oikawa has tried to crochet once and he tried to make a frog, keyword, tried, and it ended up looking like a dead squashed cockroach.
nonsense ! an oikawa tooru social media au
synopsis. you were oikawa tooru’s #1 fan, until you became his #1 hater. you hated him so much you went viral on twitter (accidentally) and literally became known as “the oikawa tooru hater”, doesn’t help that he keeps fueling the fire by subtweeting you. everyone is all in for this new drama. what isn’t known to the public, is that this particular drama’s been on hold for three years (him being your ex and all).
a/n — GUYS HI hehehe (acts like i didnt ud for a month) anw i swear theres no like angsty angst ANYWAYS GROVELING ERA
