Emotion briefly flickered over her face, shifting almost too swiftly to discern the individual impulses. Spock had always been fascinated by Nyota’s very Human methods of control, however she was affected by her sentiments, she had never allowed them to impair her judgment in his experience, yet invested them to influence her decisions when it was logical to do so.
When they had separated, she had continued to treat him… as if he mattered to her. Professionally, of course– she had always conducted herself in such a way when they were together whenever it was required of them. But Spock never had the impression that the severance of their formal relationship had also removed what feelings she had for him.
Certainly, it had not in his case.
As her expression shifted to impassivity and she made her request, Spock straightened minutely as if bracing himself for an assault. Scenarios flickered through his mind, possibilities as to what she might require of him, but as well as his deductions had always served him in the past, he knew very well that here, in the heart of the woman he had chosen, there was little place for such calculation.
“I do. What is your condition?”
whilst she thinks she has enough practice and experience in gauging his reaction, sometimes, it’s difficult. though there, the flicker of emotion across his features is evident, probably to most, if not just to her, it’s sometimes hard to see below the surface, the thick exterior that he puts so much time into maintaining. when they had parted ways - a mild way of putting it that definitely doesn’t show how she had really felt - she hadn’t been able to tell if he had still felt anything at all for her, let alone if he loved her; that doubt was a feeling she never wanted to experience again.
she had tried to be impassive, afterward, but it hadn’t worked. she’d known it, no doubt he had too. she was very good at keeping her emotions in check, she always had been (it was a necessary requirement in working with men, she’d found, but it was a easier way of living as well), but it was far more difficult when there were so many of them, broiling under the surface.
“don’t do anything like that again. ever.” she says, her voice steady. this really is only the one thing he wants from him; she hopes he can understand. “i respected your choice, but you didn’t respect my right to know about it. you didn’t talk to me. something that big...” she takes a deep breath, and looks up at him again. “if something like that comes up again, i’d like for you to talk to me about it.”
