cali-secrets

Same energy as when I received my pre-op phone call for my surgery, and the lady said I could drink whatever I want the night and morning before surgery except red gatorade or other red drinks, and I went full chemistry mode thinking that the red dye must bind to anaesthesia or something, and she was like "No, anaesthesia makes a lot of people nauseous post-surgery, and we really don't want to guess whether or not you're throwing up blood."

Walk away, turd! RENEÉ RAPP as REGINA GEORGE in MEAN GIRLS (2024) dir. Samantha Jayne & Arturo Perez Jr. 

I’m so sorry but in the nicest way possible do yall actually read books or just read words??? Cause I’ve been seeing that trend of people not understanding how “snarled” and “eyes darkened” and “eyes softened” etc. was used in a book and like…

Genuinely, do yall just not have imagination?? Or not understand figurative language??? Also eyes do literally darken and soften have you not lived a life??? How do you read with no imagination? Is this how you get through so many books in one month - you simply don’t take the time the understand the words as they are read?

his ass is NOT a mechanic!!

btw op. if you even care .

i care.

My contribution if you care about this too btw

My contribution

if you care about this too

btw

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

that period of time when a hyperfixation ends and you haven't found a replacement yet, that's the true definition of raw dogging life

when you start reading again and it's like oh. oh . the sun actually does still shine.

for the people who are just too far away

My favorite inadvertently creepy photography convention from Victorian times actually is the "hidden mother" photograph. As we know, taking pictures of wiggly babies is hard, especially if their mothers aren't holding them. But for some reason people keep insisting on having baby photos taken with only the babies.

The Victorian solution to this...was to just throw a blanket over the mother and pretend she wasn't there.

what else does this fish suggest

Swapping the butter out for mayo when making a grilled cheese

hey guys can you help me find that old portrait of a girl holding a little painting of a naked dude and cracking up about it?? I want to say it’s by Rembrandt but that’s probably not right

It’s “Smiling Girl, a Courtesan, Holding an Obscene Image” by Gerard van Honthorst!!

It’s the best painting that exists

I don’t know about you, but I really want to know what’s written on there - wait, I found a higher res image, can anyone translate this?

also it’s kind of an amazing little vignette

Hahahaa

Okay it says “who knows my arse from behind” and I will never recover from this

OKAY— so i LOVE this painting, it’s in the St. Louis Art Museum, and on a tour i found out the story. it’s not a naked dude, at all. It’s actually a smaller depiction of her, she’s a sex worker! She’s showing off her advertising for her services. It’s a really cool historical example of sex work, and a gorgeous painting to see in person.

So that grin is her going:

“That’s me!!”