— THE LOVE LETTER !
aﾉn — first actual letter finally is here !! smth ive realized abt smaus is that it's a little difficult telling a storyline on twt, so how wld u guys feel abt some chapters mixed in ??
— series masterlist || reqs for this universe r open btw <3
ahh this is so cute!! so excited for this series 😚😚
Part 2 for the rafe x sister ?
ah i'm so sorry this has taken me so long. i got a few different requests for a part 2 so i just chose a random one. rafe cameron x sister!reader. she/her pronouns used. p1
her trembling hands clutched her brother's tear-stained shirt, clinging to him for support. two pairs of tired eyes staring into each other as they shared their deepest secrets, allowing glimpses of the pain that had led them to make the wrong choices.
"i just wanted to be chosen for once," the younger one whispered, voice muffled by the fabric of the boy's clothes. "and for a while i was. i mean, i know it was just because they all knew i’d always have the money, but it still felt nice.”
Rafe wrapped an arm around the fragile the girl, hugging her tightly. "i just wanted to be different." he explained, his eyes closing in shame. "it’s so embarrassing to say out loud, but i-" he stammered. "i wanted something of my own, something they couldn’t compare me to others with."
shaking her head, she pulled away slightly to see his face. "it's not embarrassing, Rafe, it's real." with a small smile growing on her face, she continued, "but i guess it wasn't really just yours."
he laughed a small laugh as she mumbled an apology through giggles.
his eyes brightened as he watched her. for the first times in months she was smiling a real grin— not a polite smile, faked to please their parents or a manic laugh induced by the drugs, but a real, care-free beam.
they may not be through with their journey to freedom, but he was sure as hell they would make there together.
warnings: angst!!!! so much angst. addiction. allusion to death/killing? sad rafe. sad reader. she/her pronouns. breakup. messy writing. unedited. potential for a part 2 with a happy ending? lmk if i missed anything. another draft. drabble
word count: 384
hope you enjoy x
sorry about my lack of posting and request replies. i’ve been feeling really unmotivated and have just gone back to work. i promise i’ll try to get out some new fics/requests soon
the signs had been there all along— pale skin, matching the scattered white powder, thunder storms hiding behind his once bright eyes, sunken skin and shortened temper.
she had tried to ignore them at first, hoping a blind eye would force them away but it only made things worse.
images of him bent over a table, a single finger pressing his left nostril closed as he inhaled his killer, haunted her.
she saw them each time she closed her eyes or stared at her own reflection too long. and again when she tried to admire her boyfriend.
he’d never purposefully hurt her, not even with the drug infecting his body. but she couldn't stand to watch him kill himself any longer.
despite all the love she felt for him, and the love she knew he held for her, she had to leave, if not for herself than for the hope that this would be the boy's motivation to save himself before it were too late.
"i can't love you if you refuse to love yourself." she cried, hands gripping the dock’s railing as she tried to gather strength. she kept her back to him, not yet ready to see the consequences of their actions.
his sobs reverberated off the calm waters, echoing through the otherwise still area. “i don't need to love myself," he pleaded, hands itching to touch the girl— to know if she were real or just another symptom of his disease. “i love you enough that i don't need to."
"you love me enough that i don't need to." he whispered.
the words were spoken as a statement, and any by stander would take them as such. but she knew better than that.
he was asking— begging, for reassurance. something to prove his worst fears wrong.
but she could no longer do that, because while he still believed her to be his guider, she knew she'd already failed. “no, Rafe.” she stated simply, finally turning to look into his eyes.
for the first time in months they weren't red from his addiction, but, instead, from the salty liquid burning his eyes.
his lips, the ones she once couldn't stop staring at, were chapped and bleeding from his teeth nervously scrapping them.
the hands that had treated her body with nothing but kindness and worship, gently caressing her skin, now fidgeted by his sides, straining his joints as he stretched his fingers and clenched his knuckles, repeating over and over like a pre-rehearsed dance.
stepping closer to the body she used to call home, the girl couldn't help her smile as she recalled their before moments. "i’ll always love you, that much we both know,” she started, small hand reaching to brush the hair from his face. “but my love cannot replace your own."
pressing her lips to the boy's cheek, she said her final farewell, "you need to find yourself and you can't do that with me standing in the way."
stepping back, she looked out at the water surrounding them before returning her sight to him. "so find yourself, Rafe. and then, if you can still feel me in your heart, find me.”
warnings: short angsty sibling fic. mention of death and being missing. she/her pronouns. john b being a bit of a dick. sad y/n. unedited. an old draft.
word count: 346
hope you enjoy x
for anyone waiting on a request, im sorry. i have seen them and started writing, ive just been a bit busy with the holidays.
her eyes glowed with the dying fire's embers, orange light brightening the colours in her irises. she smiled a small grin, watching the ashes decorate the ground around her.
too stuck in her own world of flames and burnt memories, she missed the sound of approaching footsteps.
his eyes locked on the charred envelope, only half touched by the heated glow, his face contorted into a confused expression. "you burnt my letter?” he breathed, voice full of sorrow.
waiting for the girl's response, he turned to face her. tears lined her eyes, contrasting the bright smile on her lips.
"why did you burn the letter?" he continued as her silence stretched. "i wrote it myself. i wanted to see you." he cried.
between sad, angry and helpless she tells him, "why don't you ask Sarah?”
shaking his head in despair, John B reaches for his sister, watching her pull away from his touch at the last second. "no, do not touch me." she demanded. "you don't get to abandon me and then be upset that i don't want to hear from you."
he whispered her name as a plea, “please don't be like this." the older Routledge kid tried. "we promised not to turn our backs on each other."
the girl scoffed, roughly wiping her tears with the sleeve of her jumper— the jumper that once belonged to him, and the only reminder she had left of her brother.
"don't lecture me on promises when you are the one who can't keep them." she shouted in response. "you promised you'd be safe, that you wouldn't disappear like dad did,"
she chocked on the last two words, a sob forcing its way out of her throat. "but you did. you disappeared, John B.” she forced, pushing at the boy's chest. "and then i hear from some random girl that you're back and living in the Cameron mansion. do you know what that feels like?"
"to lose the only two people you have? to sit around hoping the only family you’ve got left aren't dead, being eaten by fish in the middle of the ocean?"
"come on, you've got to know i’m sorry."
"you've been back for weeks, JB," she stated, her voice losing edge. “and all i got from you was a lousy letter.” another tear marked her cheek, yet she made no move to wipe it. "i’m exhausted, i don't have any fight left in me. so, i give up.”
Could one platonic like best friends or brother/sister for rafe were yn is 1/2 years younger than Rafe and starts messing with the wrong people (like in the movie thirteen if you've seen it) and doesn't come home for days and when she comes she's drugged or drunk. (Basically following his footsteps). And day she comes home and goes straight to the bathroom to throw up and he helps her and talks with her
thank you so much for this request!! very very angsty but sweet. p2
"i’m sorry." she whispered on repeat, arms laying on the toilet seat to act as a pillow for her pounding head.
his hands combed gently through her hair, collecting it into a low pony-tail. “you have nothing to apologise for." he kept his voice low as he spoke sweet words to the younger Cameron.
if he were honest with himself and his sister, he would've been the one begging for forgiveness. it was his fault after all, right?
he'd seen the signs— watched as the dark circles under her eyes deepened and her appetite deteriorated until there was nothing left. he had witnessed her quick escapes through her bedroom window each night and messy lies to their father when she returned in the early hours the next morning.
he'd recognised what was happening— seeing his own life replaying right in front of his eyes.
but he did nothing to prevent it.
he failed in his role as the "big brother".
pulling herself to her feet with the help of the bathroom sink and Rafe’s out-stretched hand, the girl pushed her trembling body into the warm embrace of her older brother. "i want to be good," she cried. “like Sarah but i don't know how.”
"you are good." Rafe responded, pressing a kind kiss to the crown of her head before pushing her back to see her face. "you're the best of us."
taking her hand in his, the older Cameron guided the girl to her room, helping her climb into the soft sheets of her bed. slipping in beside her, he allowed her to rest her head on him as she slowly drifted off.
"i’m always going to look out for you.” he promised, silently vowing to help them both get clean.
warnings: nothing really. brief mentions of struggling with stress. jj being love sick. fem!reader. lots of fluff. short story because i've been missing my boy
word count: 548
hope you enjoy x
the stream of sunlight reflected off the water’s surface, momentarily blinding the boy. he pushed his sunglasses down his face to cover his eyes, quickly removing his cap to run a distracted hand through his blonde hair, before replacing it once again.
her smile was easy and carefree, a proud cheer spewing from her lips as Pope jumped into the water. she was most beautiful like this, he thought, when she was happy, without worry.
it was rare to see her like this these days, family troubles and school stress visibly wearing her down— dark circles forming under eyes and her smile not quite as bright as it once was.
he'd been begging her to take a break from her hardship for months, always with the same response. "i'm fire, J. you need to worry less."
he, of course, found this statement to be both hypocritical and amusing. how is she possibly telling him to relax when she'd barely left her room in forever? he would wonder.
but now, as she swam freely in the cooling water, surrounded by those she cherished the most, he forgot all about their minor arguments.
it all being replaced by clear, uncontrollable love.
"you going to get in or what?" she mused, pulling her upper-body to rest on the boat's side, a teasing grin lighting up her eyes. "you've been begging me to come out here for the longest time and now you don't even want to get in?"
bending to be in her line of vision, the boy beamed. "was just admiring my girl." he responded, placing a sweet kiss to her waiting lips before chucking his hat and sunnies onto the driver's seat. "am i not allowed to do that anymore?"
not waiting for a reply, he dived into the marsh, splashing her in the process. resurfacing to the sound of the girl's giggles, he swam closer to her, reaching for her waist to pull her body closer to his.
"i love you, y'know?" he spoke, one hand reaching to push the hair from her eyes. "so, so very much." he added, leaning in to place another kiss to her lips.
whoops and hollers sounded from their friends— Sarah shouting words of encouragement toward the couple, while Kiara, John B and Pope begged the duo to find a room.
smiling into the kiss, the girl flipped the group off. "i love you, J. always and forever.”
"forever and always.” he returned the promise, pressing a final kiss to her forehead before splashing her with water, a cheeky grin growing on both of their faces.
welcome to my blog!!
warnings: none really, fluff, y/n x jj maybank, she/her pronouns, mention of potential jiara (just y/n being suspicious), overthinking?, happy ending, friends to lovers trope, y/n being dumb? jj being dumb?? them both being dumb??? pure brainrot and mindless writing (i was half asleep when i came up with this idea lol) unedited
words count: 734
hope you enjoy xx
The boy's fingers drummed against the counter as he rolled his eyes, feeling like it was the hundredth time in the past ten minutes. "I've told you already, Y/n, there's nothing going on between me and Kie."
Sighing deeply, she turned to scrutinize his face, a pout on her lips.
For the past half-hour, she'd been pressing him, convinced a love story was unfolding between her two best friends. From her perspective—decided after a long night of overthinking and staring at her wall—the two "friends" had been spending extra time together, whispering secrets away from the group and sharing inside jokes with only their eyes.
And this could only mean one thing—true love.
"Come on, Jay," she huffed, stalking closer to his position on the kitchen counter. "I've known you for over a decade. I know when you have feelings for a girl."
"Clearly, you don't," he declared, hands braced on the girl's shoulders to emphasize his statement. "Because I am not in love with Kiara."
Narrowing her eyes, she thought harder, a crease forming between her brows.
Reaching forward, JJ used his thumb to calm her expression, a teasing smile on his lips. "Don't do that; you'll get wrinkles," he joked, hoping to end their previous conversation.
"Fine," Y/n concluded. "You're not in love with Kie."
"That's what I've been saying," the boy mumbled, relaxing against the wall behind him.
"But you are in love with someone," Y/n announced, earning another eyeroll from him. "No, don't do that. It makes sense why you've been spending so much time with Kiara now. You've been asking for advice," she rambled, eyes lighting up with discovery.
"But who else, if not her?" she suddenly wondered aloud after a moment of silence.
JJ chuckled, shaking his head at Y/n's persistence. "You've got an imagination, but it's not as complicated as you're making it out to be."
She raised an eyebrow, challenging him to spill the secret. "Enlighten me then. If it's not Kiara, who's the lucky one? Someone from school?"
He sighed, a hint of amusement in his eyes. "Alright, detective, since you won't let this go. I may have been seeking advice, but it wasn't about someone from school. It's about someone else."
Her eyes widened with curiosity. "Someone else? Who?"
He leaned in conspiratorially, his tone hushed. "It's a secret, Y/n. Can't spill all the beans."
She crossed her arms, feigning offense. "After all these years of friendship, you won't share your secrets with me?"
He grinned, playfully tapping her nose. "Some secrets are meant to be kept, but I promise, it's nothing dramatic. Just life stuff."
Y/n rolled her eyes, a smirk playing on her lips. "Fine, keep your secrets, Jay. But one day, you'll spill the beans, willingly or not."
He chuckled, pulling her into a quick hug. "Deal. Now, can we drop the detective act and get back to normal conversation?"
She nodded, a mischievous glint in her eyes. "For now, Jay. But the mystery isn't over."
As they resumed their conversation, the lingering question of JJ's secret continued to dance in Y/n's mind, ensuring that this little mystery wasn't going to be forgotten easily.
Later that evening, Y/n walked into the Chateau’s spare bedroom to find JJ and Kiara deep in conversation, their heads close together. Suspicion ignited once again, but before she could intervene, John B and Pope burst into the room, excitement radiating from their expressions.
"Guess what, guys! Keggar at the beach tonight!" John B announced, a wide grin on his face.
Kiara's eyes sparkled with enthusiasm, and JJ shot Y/n a quick, relieved glance, grateful for the timely interruption.
As they all geared up for the beach party, the night unfolded with laughter, music, and the sound of waves crashing on the shore. The atmosphere was lively, and Y/n couldn't resist the chance to tease JJ once more.
Amidst the party chaos, she sidled up to him, a playful smirk on her lips. "So, Jay, any progress on that secret of yours?"
He feigned innocence, feigning ignorance. "Secret? What secret?"
Y/n leaned in, lowering her voice. "You know, the one about the person you're in love with. Any revelations?"
JJ chuckled, glancing around to ensure no one overheard. "You're persistent, Y/n. But no, no revelations yet."
She arched an eyebrow. "Hmm, I don't buy it. I bet you're just waiting for the right moment."
He smirked, catching onto her playful banter. "Maybe, or maybe I'm enjoying the mystery."
Y/n laughed, shaking her head. "You're impossible, Jay."
As the night wore on, with waves crashing and the bonfire casting flickering shadows, Y/n couldn't resist one last playful jab.
"Come on, spill the beans. Who's the lucky person?" she teased.
JJ sighed dramatically. "You won't let this go, will you?"
She grinned, eyes sparkling. "Not a chance."
Finally, unable to resist her persistent charm, JJ leaned in, his expression serious. "Alright, Y/n, you win. The secret is..." He paused, drawing out the suspense.
Y/n eagerly waited for the revelation, only for JJ to say, "I'm in love with someone special. Someone who's been by my side for years."
Her eyes widened, anticipation building. "Who is it?"
He looked into her eyes, a warm sincerity in his gaze. "It's you, Y/n. I'm in love with you."
The revelation hung in the air, the beach party swirling around them as the truth finally came to light.
JJ's eyes widened in a mix of panic and anticipation as he awaited Y/n's response. The seconds stretched, and he began to nervously babble, attempting to play it off.
"Ha! Gotcha, right? I mean, who would actually say something like that at a party? Classic joke, JJ, classic joke. You know how I am—always kidding around."
He forced a laugh, trying to gauge her reaction. Y/n, however, remained silent, her expression unreadable. The tension hung in the air until, unexpectedly, she cut through his rambling with a deep and passionate kiss.
Caught off guard, JJ initially froze before responding with equal fervor. Their lips moved in sync, the world around them fading into the background. When they finally pulled away, foreheads resting against each other, Y/n spoke in a soft, sincere tone.
"You know, JJ, you don't have to hide behind jokes. I've been in love with you for years too."
JJ's eyes widened again, this time in disbelief and joy. "Wait, really?"
She nodded, a tender smile on her lips. "Yeah, really. I just never thought you'd feel the same way."
He cupped her face in his hands, his thumb gently brushing against her cheek. "Well, surprise! I've been trying to find the right moment to tell you, and I guess a beach party was it."
Y/n chuckled, the warmth of the moment settling between them. "I guess it was. So, what now, JJ?"
He grinned, his eyes filled with affection. "Now? Now, we stop hiding behind secrets and jokes. We give this a real shot."
As the waves crashed on the shore and the party continued in the background, JJ and Y/n stood on the beach, hand in hand, ready to explore the new chapter unfolding in their longstanding friendship.
warnings: nothing really. brief mentions of illness, divorce, heartbreak and rumours. written while very tired. jj being wrongly accused. she/her pronouns. based on a tiktok i saw of the left and right images. might make a part 2 if it’s wanted. unedited.
word count: 634
hope you enjoy x
Air twisted and turned, tugging at JJ's hair in all directions as he gazed ahead, fixated on the waves crashing against sharp rocks. Finally, he allowed himself to breathe.
It had been at least ten minutes now, stretching longer than usual as he sat on the broken side of the hill, hiding from the trouble he'd unwittingly caused.
Unlike his typical antics, today was a mistake, an accidental incident born from bad luck and unfortunate timing. JJ Maybank, notorious for finding himself in situations where he emerged as the 'villain,' now found fingers pointed at him when he was discovered near a recently vandalized store.
He knew it wasn't fair; he was entirely innocent this time. Yet, he understood the odds stacked against him. Hence, when the store's owner nodded in his direction, prompting the officers to look his way, JJ sprinted off, finding refuge in the concealed cave he now occupied.
His secret hideaway wasn't common knowledge among the Outer Banks residents, sparing him the anxiety of discovery. Only a few adventurous souls had stumbled upon it, marking their find on the left wall with over twenty initials carved or drawn.
JJ himself had stumbled upon the spot a few years ago, despite spending his entire life on the island. It was as accidental as most things in his life—discovered after one too many beers at a boneyard party and a case of drunken wandering.
He'd been returning whenever he needed solitude since, never revealing its location to another soul, not even his best friend.
So, when he felt a rock shift, his immediate thought was that he was about to plunge into the ocean's turbulent waters.
Y/n Y/l/n was a newcomer to town, the latest resident of the Cut. She had moved to her mother's childhood home upon hearing of her grandmother's illness.
It was challenging to let go of the life she'd built for herself in Charlestown, but she knew it was the right choice for both her mother and grandmother.
The initial weeks had been tough, witnessing the transformation of the older lady into a mere shell of her former self. To make matters worse, news of her arrival had spread quickly, with malicious rumors swirling around her.
It was a Wednesday afternoon when she found her only refuge in this new town, following a particularly tough day at school. She had been returning there whenever she needed a break from the sadness at home and the cruelty at school.
She had never encountered another soul there before, believing it to be her private sanctuary tucked away on the side of a large hill. However, at the sight of golden hair peeking from behind a boulder, her dreams were dashed, sinking into the ocean beside her now frozen body. "Oh, no," she whispered, taking a step back in the hope that the stranger hadn't noticed her intrusion.
"Hey to you, too," the boy chimed in, amusement in his voice as she cringed.
"I didn't expect anyone else to be here—there never is. I usually come here to be alone, but obviously, I can't do that now," she babbled, uncertain about what to say to the smiling stranger. "Oh, my God. You probably came here to be alone, too, and now I've interrupted. I'll just go."
JJ sat up straighter, his face momentarily falling. "Or you could stay? We could be alone, together," he said, his words slipping out without him realizing it.
"Alone, together?" she repeated, confusion etched on her face. She thought for a moment, considering whether sitting in a secluded space with an unknown person was wise. Still, with the memory of what she was trying to escape, she decided to take the risk. "Sure, if you're okay with it."
"Of course," he replied, a bit hastily, then cleared his throat and tried a different approach. "I mean, yeah, whatever."
Y/n chuckled as she continued her descent down the hillside, using the cave's walls for balance. She hadn't yet mastered the perfect way to enter the secret spot, often tumbling rather than walking.
"I'm Y/n, by the way," she offered, her eyes fixed on the ground to prevent falling.
"Yeah, I know," JJ responded, watching her gaze snap to his. "You're new in town, and word travels fast."
Her eyes returned to the ground as she took a seat on one of the rocks, her hands fidgeting in her lap. "Yeah, right. I guess you've heard all the stories, then?"
"I've heard a few," he answered easily, not sensing her sudden tension. "But I'm not big on gossip. I know how nasty rumors can be."
She looked over at him, searching for any signs of dishonesty but found only sincerity. "Well, I promise you I'm not on the run from the law, avoiding a baby-daddy, or escaping from a mental institution," she joked, a trace of sadness creeping through.
JJ furrowed his eyebrows. "Is that really what they're saying?" he wondered, receiving a shrug in response. "All I heard was that you got into a fight at your old school, and no one on the mainland wanted to take a chance with a flight risk. It's not much better, but damn, I didn't know they could be that creative."
She laughed, relaxing a bit. "Believe me, I was surprised too. One girl told me I got knocked up by my old principal."
"Wait, she said that to your face?"
"Yeah, she randomly sat next to me and told me without even looking at who she was talking to," Y/n said, rolling her eyes. "She totally freaked out when she realized."
The boy laughed genuinely, something he hadn't done in a while, as he looked into the girl's shy eyes. "I'm JJ," he said softly, his lips curving up as he extended his hand between them.
"Well, it's very nice to meet you, JJ," she returned the gesture, her gentle hand wrapping around his rough skin. "Good to know not everyone thinks I'm some scandal."
"Hey, I never said that," he joked, his eyes twinkling with mischief as he held her hand. "Come with me."
"What?" Y/n sputtered as he pulled her to her feet, leading her out of their private hideaway. She didn't argue, prompted by the encouraging smile on his face and the subtle tug on her arm to keep up. She followed a few steps behind, her fingers interlocked with his.
She had known him for barely five minutes and was already chasing after him like a lost puppy. It wasn't a huge surprise to her, though.
She had always been a romantic at heart, a sucker for a good rom-com where the girl mysteriously meets her soulmate on a random afternoon.
When she was younger, lying in her pastel room, she had dreamt of the day her knight in shining armor would appear, saving her from the dragon and living happily ever after.
Regrettably, life hadn't unfolded as she had hoped. Heartbreak had found her the moment she tasted the sweetness of love. She had witnessed her parents' separation due to clashing opinions, seen her partner's joy slowly ebb away as days grew longer, and witnessed countless people walk away from her and her heart. Despite it all, it had never deterred her belief in "the one."
Y/n wholeheartedly believed that there was someone, somewhere, uniquely crafted for her, a person who would love her perfectly — she was simply waiting to cross paths with that special someone.
On the contrary, JJ was not a firm believer in love. His past experiences had soured his perception, leaving him disenchanted. He acknowledged that love existed in the world but believed it wasn't meant for him, at least not in a romantic sense.
As a result, he sought solace in meaningless hookups and unattached relationships, giving him control over his emotions and desires.
However, something had stirred within him as he watched her smile and heard her laughter. It was a sensation he had never experienced before.
And he was determined to decipher the meaning of that newfound feeling.
warnings: underage drinking and smoking mentioned. some angst. fluffy ending. she/her pronouns. highly unedited and very rushed. i was sad while writing this lol
word count: 2k
hope you enjoy xx
“summer’s over, jj, and so are we.” the words dripped from her lips like poison. a murderous ending to something so sweet.
cruelly perfect.
he watched the salty droplets that fell from her hair, marking the sand with their existence— a small reminder that they, JJ and Y/n, were there— as his head nodded in agreement.
he hadn’t meant for this, planning for weeks how he’d refuse her farewell with a declaration of his love, how he’d fight her for just one shot. and yet, his head still nod and the words “i know, we’re done.” slipped from his mouth.
she smiled at him, tears clouding her vision as the bittersweet ending replaced the memories they’d made. “okay.”
“okay.”
///
eyes focused on where the sky meets the sea, the girl zoned out her friends conversation in favour for the lulling melody playing beside her.
she watched as gulls sawed overhead and gentle splashes in the water marked the presence of hidden marine life, all whilst ignoring the ever-present memory of last year sitting just across from her.
she could feel his eyes burning into her skin, just as they always would— a long 12 months of avoiding his looks and ensuring she would never be left alone in his company for any longer than a few minutes.
she’d done well thus far, quickly escaping any unwanted encounter and purposefully gluing herself to the others’ sides. there was no room for error, no chance to mess up and catch his eye.
unfortunately, this lesson was learnt the hard way, just a week after the situation.
the small group of five had made they’re weekly trip out into the marsh— “a well deserved break from being back at school” in the wise words of John B Routledge— with the usual supplies of one-too-many stolen beers and JJ’s special mix.
senses were heightened and everything was exceptionally funny.
Y/n found herself sat upon the bow of the HMS Pogue, her feet dangling from the side, just missing the water lapping against the boat. her hair blew behind her, curtesy of summer’s final blows of wind and her eyes closed as she allowed the toxic chemicals to run through her veins.
she could feel someone starring at her— the notion causing goosebumps to run across her skin— and with a small fragment of confidence, majorly due to the burnt out joint laying tired beside her, she twisted her body hoping to find the culprit.
if she’d known any better, as she does now, the girl would’ve kept her head forward and protected herself from a wave of emotions she wasn’t quite ready for.
but of course, she hadn’t learnt her lesson just yet, meeting the eyes of her lost lover.
the two blinked in unison for a moment, zoning into one another while blocking the rest of the world out. their friends conversation faded into the background, a simple static overtaking their loud words and forcing all attention onto the heartbroken teens.
Y/n was the first to break away, a line of tears creeping into her eyes. she turned before they had a chance to fall, hoping and praying the boy wouldn’t notice.
though, by her luck, he had. fortunately enough for the young girl, she’d slipped into the cold embrace of the moving water around them before he’d had the chance to make any moves to comfort— or question— her.
and since then, she’d known smarter than to meet his eyes.
she’d done everything in her power to keep her heart safe— from leaving the boy at the end of last year’s summer before he had the chance to leave her, to forcefully laughing at Pope’s countless attempts on making dad jokes. she proved time and time again that she was stronger than her urges, that she could resit the boy’s familiarity and comfort.
she would watch from afar as girls chased him around at parties before finding her own warm body to hold her— just as she would tonight.
boneyard parties were usually the easiest— a large enough space that she could admire him from a distance without being noticed— yet, tonight seemed to be proving difficult.
if she were keeping record— which she obviously wasn’t, as long as you didn’t look through her journal— tonight would mark exactly 365 days since their beginning.
the Earth had fully rotated the sun since their first night shared together as more than just friends.
and it seemed JJ wasn’t oblivious to the fact either.
he’d avoided attention from each and every girl around him, keeping himself focused of the teenage girl lost in her own world.
he admired her small mannerisms— the way her lips twitched up each time a fish appeared in the water behind him, how her fingers drummed softly on her thigh to the beat of whatever song played on the speaker and how whenever someone stepped just a little to close to where she sat, she moved shuffled further away— usually left unnoticed by those around her, all while hoping to finally catch a moment with her alone.
he’d spent 12 months chasing her from room to room, praying for a chance to speak, stealing glances from time to time just to catch her smile, and listening extra hard for her laugh whenever a joke was made near by, all to be ignored at every encounter.
it seemed no matter how much he tried, she tried harder to be unapproachable.
but that would change tonight.
Y/n stood from the fallen branch she’d been resting on the past hour, quickly whispering into Kiara’s ear that she would be back in a few minutes, just wishing for a break away from everyone— from JJ’s piercing stare.
she knew she was safer with people around her— knew he wouldn’t be able to get her alone if she had remained by her best friend’s side—, however, with the emotions of the anniversary and he’s never ending look, she needed a moment to herself to collect her thoughts and feelings.
that was mistake two of the night.
her first mistake was made hours beforehand, when she had informed her friends of her vow of sobriety for the night, claiming she wanted to be able to look after them but meaning she couldn’t trust herself not to repeat the same actions of last year.
wandering away from the pumping music and aimless conversations, Y/n walked just close enough to the ocean’s front for her feet to get wet but not so far the freshly inked tattoo on her calf could be touched.
her eyes looked out at the water once again, though the anxiety from before refused to subdue as she felt his presence— a type of warmth she could never forget, no matter how hard she tried to force herself to.
“thought you said you’d wait for me.” he spoke softly, hoping not to spook her with his arrival— not quite realising she’d known he’d follow her. “to get a tattoo, i mean.”
shrugging her shoulders, the girl took a deep breath hoping to calm her voice before speaking. “figured it was easier to just go alone.”
he knew what she had really meant— she had gone alone to avoid going with him not for the sake of simplicity— though he chose to keep things light for the time being. “fair enough.” he whispered, keeping himself small in fear of her running.
watching as the girl sat down, he joined her, ensuring the gap between the two was wide enough for at least two other’s to join.
“did it hurt?” he wondered aloud, filling the empty space.
“way more than you know.” her response didn’t truly answer his question, at least not in the context he’d asked it.
his curiously about her new tattoo, as kind as it was, wasn’t what she knew this conversation was about and she’d rather he would just say what he needed than hide behind pointless words.
she forced herself to look at him, to truly take him in from up close— she hadn’t been able to recently, and missed it greatly. the way his dimple was always present even without his cheeky grin and how his teeth locked his soft lips between themselves when he thought just a little bit too hard about something.
“say it.” she told the boy, watching as his head snap to hers. “whatever it is you’re thinking, just say it.”
“what happened to summer?” his face screwed up, crinkling the sweet features Y/n had grown to love and she had to forcibly restrain herself from smoothening out the wrinkles with her thumb.
she, instead, began to open her mouth in response, before interrupted from JJ’s words. “i mean, i know what happened. summer ended and we promised we’d end with it, but- i just mean, we had something.” he seemed defensive, as if he had to prove to her it was true, as if she, herself, didn’t think the same already. “like, something real. and i can’t just keep pretending that you’re my friend, when you’re not. not after everything we’ve been through, not with the feelings i have for you.”
her eyes softened at his words and the visible struggle to hold back his emotions. she wanted to reach out and hold him, to tell him he wasn’t alone in this situation and that she felt the same, but she couldn’t. she could only stare as the boy she loved ripped his heart out for her.
“and i get it if you don’t wanna do this, believe me i do because i am so fucking scared. i know that if i have you for real it means i can lose you for real but i’m willing to take the risk. i’d rather have you for a little time than live the rest of my life not knowing what’s it like to be yours.” a singular tear fell from his left eye before her roughly wiped it away. “just, please, Y/n, tell me how you actually feel. not what we promised each other, not what you think you have to say to protect yourself. be honest with me.”
his hands gently cupped the girl’s face, thumbs brushing over her cheeks to dry the fallen emotion she’d tried to keep secret. “either break my heart or let me love you, just be honest with us both, for once.”
“i can’t.” her voice was broken, causing him to physically flinch at her pain. “i can’t let you love me knowing one day it’ll end.” she took in shaky breaths watching as he shook his head in defiance.
the two stared deep into each other. and as she felt his hands begin to fall from her face, accepting the hard truth that this was it, she pushed them back to her warmth, embracing them with her own. “but i refuse to break the heart of the man who taught me what love is.”
his head fell forward, forehead resting against forehead as the girl closed her eyes.
with their lips just inches apart, Y/n whispered the words she’d been thinking all year and the words JJ had been hoping to hear. “i love you, JJ, and as long as it’s you, i’m willing to watch my heart shatter.”
he surged forward, his lips smashing against hers as the feelings she had tried so hard to forget came crashing over them.
with her hands tangling themselves in his hair and his own refuses to leave her soft skin, the two began again— this time with the promise of summer and after that.
