idk how are you

Ch 2 of "talking to the moon," Roman/Stewy, rated E. An AU where a trans masc Roman fled to LA where he's remained for several years, and reunites with Stewy at a particularly good birthday party. In this chapter, Roman and Stewy form a friendship while other people seek both of them out as partners, until things come to something of a head.

Ch 2 of "a bite of the apple," Roman/Mencken, rated E. Adapted from the TV series Fleabag, wherein Roman is a hot mess who meets a priest named Jeryd while trying to rebuild his life from the chaos he created there himself amidst doubts from his dysfunctional family.

I listen to Fall Out Boy when I've got to do things, but everything else here is the kind of music I listen to while writing. Melodic, low-key, but not slow. It's a hard balance to strike sometimes, and I usually write for more than an hour, so I need more than one album a go.

No Sufjan Stevens this week, but he's a regular visitor to this section of my Spotify. I'm on an Elliott Smith kick lately, bought some vinyl of his, too.

(I'm seeing the National live this year! I'm very excited.)

Interesting to me that AO3 changed the canonical tag for Roman's name and all of the pairing tags he's in. This is definitely more recent. Did someone make an argument against "Romulus" or something?

I have to say I appreciate it because it's less work to tag him or his pairings in new works, but I suspect most people don't notice or care. I'm just a very curious person.

Ch 1 of "games and players," Roman/Mencken, Roman/Tabitha, rated E.

You know, there's something to flashbacks for this. I'll think about it, but I think there's a way to make it clear exactly what brought Nate to this point and how far Shiv can go without limits. Feels relevant.

I have officially begun the process to legally change my name!

I had to put it off a while because I was obtaining licenses and it would have been a nightmare of paperwork to do it in the midst of that, but now I'm fully licensed and I can actually get around to it. This is great news, because it feels like ten minutes get knocked off my lifespan every time I have to tell a medical professional or similar person my deadname. It's an awful experience that I think is probably otherwise impossible to explain to anyone cis.

No one I'm close to or who knows me socially has called me my deadname in almost two years, but I'm excited to be a step closer to never having to say that fucking name ever again. It's also more evidence for if I ever get the courage to medically transition.

Weirdly, they hit an even footing once they're not technically in a relationship anymore. Tom feels more secure in facing down Shiv and Shiv can regard Tom as more of an equal now that he's not positioned under her boot. Don't get me wrong, Shiv has a lot of power here, but her influence over Tom is lessened, which is for the better for everyone.

You're right that Stewy and Tom are both voices of reason in their throuples. It's mostly because Kendall and Shiv are more similar than they'd ever know. It's not necessary with Roman's throuple, though, because Jeryd isn't the same kind of troubled dom as the other two, and he and Tabs actually develop a bond as Jeryd starts to teach her how to domme more effectively. Poor Roman is a test subject.

Yeah. The dynamic is that Shiv can be almost as cruel as she wants to be, but she's not allowed to break Nate. Tom will defend Nate and stop Shiv if she goes too far. "Too far" is a pretty far line for Nate, he likes things pretty messed up and kinky, but it does exist. Tom both wants to keep Nate around but also grows really attached to Nate, so especially doesn't want him to be broken and leave.

I would count on it. Despite what I just said in a prior ask about a monogamous Shiv/Nate probably not working out either, I think there's a situation where she probably would have tried an open marriage with Nate and probably been relatively satisfied. The problem with their prior attempts was that Shiv didn't respect Nate. She had fun playing with him as a toy, and she appreciated him professionally, but she had no interest in his emotions or general welfare. Once she grows to respect him after some time apart between the affair and her divorce, she'll realize he's far more what she wanted in the first place.

This isn't to cut Tom/Nate out of the mix; there's a rapport there no one could have predicted, with Tom getting someone who actually acknowledges he has emotions. But a Shiv/Nate marriage would actually work, so long as Shiv had someone holding her back from beating her new toy with emotionally abusive hammers.

It's very Shiv. Even when she opens up, slightly, she has to have the power in the situation, or she feels too vulnerable to attack. The foolish thing is that Nate would never hurt her, because he wouldn't do anything she wouldn't want him to. Maybe he'll talk back a little, but nothing that would harm her. I think she knew she could never be fully vulnerable with Tom from the start, but after someone like Nate or a series of men and women who she doesn't want to think about, she just wanted stability and control, and Tom is nominally, potentially, at least stable and passive from the outside. It was a terrible misreading of the situation.

I don't think Shiv could ever date Nate on his own and feel satisfied, because he's too subservient. The reason the throuple works is because there's a larger game at play between the three of them and that intrigues Shiv at a level she isn't used to having been reached. Because she does find Tom attractive - when he's being aggressive, but not actually harming her, and only then.

I'm not gonna lie, it's tempting to write a pre-canon Nate/Shiv adventure too, but that would be two Nate-centric fics plus the throuple side. I don't know.

The reason it interests me is... well, Nate breaks under Kendall, drifts aimlessly for a while, then basically falls to his knees in front of Shiv. He knows what he likes now and he hopes she could offer it in a fair turn, but she snaps him like a twig after he falls in love with her, too, and it takes him a long time to recover from that. At that point he has to delude himself that what he really wants is something normal where he doesn't get hurt. Maybe if he and Shiv hadn't wound up working together on Eavis, he could have lived a normal life slightly dead inside, but here we are.

Ah, things are complicated. Lukas isn't only playing games with Kendall in business, but he's also bratting a little bit, purposely, to drive Kendall to a harder and darker place. Kendall knows this is all farce or kayfabe between them, and he's partially doing all of this bitter rivalry for Roman's sake, but also it's a kind of roleplay that charges whenever they do get to see each other later. Lukas means the failson comment, a little bit, but Kendall sets him straight.

Stewy thinks they're crazy, but he conceded that point a long time ago.

Oh, everyone relevant is gonna find out about Lukas at the same time. Kendall will have the opportunity to bring Lukas and Stewy to a (relatively) private Roy event, and he won't be subtle, because at this point he's just grateful to have people who want him in their life. He's purposely trying not to engage with Roman and Shiv because he doesn't know what to do with them after what he did, but when he does get the invite he'll attend as himself and they can deal with it.

Nate will be there and recognize what he sees between Kendall and Lukas instantly. There's some bittersweetness, some heartbreak in it, but by this point he's found his spot at the end of the Wambsgans bed, so to speak. He'll talk to Kendall that night, honestly, for the first time since they broke up.