when girls have the ugliest boyfriends…girl stop. i could be your ugly girlfriend instead.
beautiful
there’s no better feeling than coming home and immediately changing into your adam sandler fit
I bought this expensive ass yogurt as a gift to myself so that I could make little candles in the tiny terracotta pot it comes in and it turns out it is the best, creamiest, most buttery heavenly delicious yogurt I have ever tasted and I’m now addicted
sometimes things that are expensive are worse but sometimes things that are expensive are astronomically better and that’s where the real problem lies
YOU CAN TORRENT GOOD YOGHURT. If the good yoghurt has a live culture you can use it to make a whole pot of new yoghurt with the exact same bacteria culture. You'll have to add flavoring yourself but it should be similar.
HOW?? YOU CAN CLONE YOGURT?
oh my goodness, one of dian fossey’s first close up observations with gorillas happened when she was trying to climb a tree to see them better, but so badly that by the time she’d gotten up the entire group had come out of hiding to look at her: “Nearly all members of the group had totally exposed themselves, forgetting about hiding coyly behind foliage screens because it was obvious to them that the observer had been distracted by tree-climbing problems, an activity they could understand.”
hello, fellow apes
The lead up to that sentence is gold:
[Image transcript: porch. The group had been day-nesting and sunbathing when I contacted them, but upon my approach they nervously retreated to obscure themselves behind thick foliage. Frustrated but determined to see them better, I decided to climb a tree, not one of my better talents. The tree was particularly slithery and, try as I might, no amount of puffing, pulling, gripping, or clawing succeeded in getting me more than a few feet aboveground. Disgustedly, I was about to give up when Sanwekwe came to my aid by giving one mighty boost to my protruding rump; tears were running from his eyes as he was convulsed in silent laughter. I felt as inept as a baby taking its first step. Finally able to grab on to a conveniently placed branch, I hauled myself up into a respectful semislouch position in the tree about twenty feet from the ground. By this time I naturally assumed that the combined noises of panting, cursing, and branch-breaking made during the initial climbing attempts must have frightened the group on to the next mountain. I was amazed to look around and find that the entire group had returned and were sitting like front row spectators at a sideshow. All that was needed to make the image complete were a few gorilla-sized bags of popcorn and some cotton candy! This was the first live audience I had ever had in my life and certainly the least expected.]
imagine some freakish not-a-human alien THING has shown up out of nowhere and is trying to get into your office building to study you. but it has no idea how to get past a revolving door. it tries for three hours. by the time it finally understands the concept of a revolving door and squeeze into the building everyone in the office is crowded into the lobby to watch and call helpful suggestions. it’s conclusively determined that the alien is definitely not a threat, except maybe to itself.
the older i get and the closer i am to reaching 30, the more the people around me try to deny me my age. it’s a constant ‘oh you’re just turning 29 again teehee 🤭’ or ‘dont tell your SO that, he’ll leave you for a younger model 😉’ and i just???? hate it?????????
i spent my entire teenaged years fighting for my life. i crawled through the deepest pits of my depression to cling to the promise of a life beyond that pain. i was so convinced that i was going to die young, that i would never see the grace of my age starting with a 2, let alone 3.
so im going to turn 30, and there’s not a damn thing anyone can do to stop me from loving it.
this post was up for like five minutes and already im being told how wrong i am
fuck you, you can kiss my 30 year old ass
Fun fact I learned recently: Lake Superior is roughly the size of England.
guy who has mistaken adrenaline for love and isn’t interested in correcting the mistake
love is when you’re wrestling for control of the gun and there’s only one bullet left. love is when you grab the knife theyre swinging at you by the blade and look into their eyes and laugh. love is when someone is so obsessed with you they have to kill you. love is [he is forcibly escorted off the stage by armed guards]
throwback to last month when i fell asleep on the couch and when i woke up my first instinct was to take a pic of my cat sleeping across me but ended up flashbanging her instead
tags from coloredcompulsion:
the gasp i gusped when i just opened one of my words with friends games
it would have been 69 points too this is a hate crime
the beautiful original post by @garaks-padded-bra can be found here, with additions from @acrowbyanyothername, @starfleetshrimps, @imhaley, @ronzyponyo, @funnywormz, @deepestturtlepielover, @willowandthesagaofgayyearning, @summer-azure, and @spacetronomyfan
(as always, omagpies stuff drops on Patreon @/magpiecrown one month in advance, and there’s already a hefty backlog awaiting everyone 💗)