scorofthemanor reblogged
His reply caught her off guard but it caused her to pause and think. It wasn’t a lie. Sometimes it seemed like all Roxanne did was look for trouble. A reason to feel something other than the emptiness that came with most days. It was strange to be so young and yet filled with so much knowledge of what aching meant. Sometimes she thought herself selfish for focusing on her pain and clinging to it but when she thought about her family, she figured it was more selfish to bring that pain upon someone else.
She looked ahead into the fire, licking her bottom lip and wincing slightly at the pain. Ironic. She glanced back at him, “Well, you’re not wrong. Sometimes, I believe we end up getting too comfortable. Happiness is a scary thought when it can be ripped away so easily.”
he tilted his head, slightly, considering in silence. “i feel as though i should be happy, i have every reason to be, but... it’s elusive.”
it was easier to speak like this, detached and clinical, as if discussing someone else’s depression. if he’d inherited anything from his father, it was his talent for compartmentalization. hyperfixation helped, on schoolwork, on posture, on eloquence. anything but the inside of his own mind.
what was is about those difficult early years at hogwarts that constantly drew his thoughts back? "i think... perhaps it’s a desire to be stronger than what we are? to relive the same horrors over and over until we can react in a way we want. a way that’s... heroic.”
