Demons and monsters that torture people because they feed on human suffering are so dumb. People are suffering everywhere my guy go literally any place and take a deep whiff.

Monster that feeds on suffering becomes a professional caretaker for people with chronic pain and terminal illnesses. They can't change the fact that these people are suffering, but they help a bit and in the meantime they're fat and happy off that Sweet Sweet ambient pain in the air.

Two towns over there's a demon lord trying to get their cult to abduct people for torture, but they keep getting stopped by heroes and the like, so they're barely scraping by. Meanwhile Belogarth the Registered PCA is chowing down on back pain, medication side effects and looming mortality for eight hours a day and has become the most powerful demon on earth without realizing it.

"But don't their clients feel weird knowing that they're feeding off their suffering?" No they think it's hilarious and they're real shits about it.

Finally a medical professional who believes that they are in pain. Because the fucker is actively chowing down on your agony. Not only am I going to get treated by them I'm going to invite all of my chronically ill friends to come as well.

Turns out if you treat the pain then the humans will bring you more humans who are suffering. It's like a restaurant where the waiter is so impressed by your ability to eat food they're giving you more on the house

They say things like "well, it's a real feast day for Belogarth today!" and "if my meds are held up at customs again I'm gonna put Belogarth in a food coma" and Belogarth is the one feeling weird about it

Everyone else talked about outdoor cats, it's time for me to talk about offleash dogs

Reasons not to have your dog offleash at a public park:

1) roads (this one is self-explanatory)

2) it makes the park inaccessible to like, entire swathes of the population. If you have experience with police dogs or guard dogs in your neighborhood, or you're a new immigrant from somewhere with a large population of feral dogs, it sucks ass going to the park and having someone's massive lab bound up to you!

3) If, for example, you are in a protected wetland area plastered with friendly signs asking you to please leash your dog to avoid causing an ecological impact, having your dog offleash might cause an ecological impact! "Oh no, my dog is well-behaved, they would never bother the wildlife" wrong! your dog is in the pond trying to eat the endangered Blandings' turtles!

4) Non-zero chance of a jokerified park guide (me) just clipping your dog to a leash and stealing them

5) Other people with dogs! It sucks total ass having to constantly watch whether your totally uncontrolled ~furbaby~ is about to Start Shit with my properly leashed pet. It sucks even more ass when they do, which seems to happen about 25% of the time frankly!

6) People with Allergies trying to share a public space and do not want your "friendly" dog getting near them because they do not want to spend the night in hospital thanks!

7) People with mobility aids who don't want your dog messing with them. Your dog is jumping up on my scooter, I am worried for my scooter. I am worried that I am going to run over your dog if I don't have stopping distances correct! Your dog has never seen a mobility scooter and is freaking out.

Please. Just leash your fucking dogs, or take them to an actual dog park not a public path.

8) other dogs! My dog has been attacked by off leash dogs like. At least four times. Cannot get babygirl to take walks anymore at all. It’s so sad.

Actually forget every other post about “primal” feelings and actions, the most connected to my early hominid ancestors i have ever felt in my LIFE is when slowly following an increasingly panicked sheep. I believe that slowly following ungulates is the most primally human activity in existence

That moment when the sheep has run a few times and visibly realizes that you just keep slowly walking at it and are not going anywhere and you can see it thinking “oh fuck this isn’t how being chased is supposed to work” rockets me back in time several hundred thousand years

Hey quick question OP why are you bullying a sheep

To give it medication

Pursuit predation, pursuit medication, same structural foundation.

People who think this planet was created for humans to be ours are so wild to me

70% of the planets surface is undrinkable uninhabitable death water that sharks love. How is that a human-centric design.

the earth was created for various types of crabs

Making Huizhou inksticks (徽墨), famous for its high quality.

Notes:

[eng by me]

English added by me :)

the fact that any video game ever gets made is a fucking miracle, let alone good ones.

whenever someone explains to me how video games work, i feel like ive been exposed to some horrifying cthulu ass shit that i can never unsee.

*places an orange just outside a fairy ring to see what comes out* science is more of an art than a science

*the orange grows legs and skitters away*

Fascinating results *places a banana in the same spot*

*clawed hand reaches out of the ether and drags it into the ring, leaving ragged claw marks in the soil as it disappears, back into the ether from whence it came*

“let’s go to the extreme.” *places a pineapple in the same spot*

Real scientists would keep putting an orange in the same spot to make sure the results are consistent before moving on to other fruits or different spots.

The only valid response to this post.

We’re working up the complexity levels of fruit until we feel there is enough evidence to support the judicious placement of a volunteer twink

You sit down, we haven’t seen what’s happened to the pineapple

#this is tumblr we’ve all seen what’s happened to the pineapple

tags via @sylveondreams

Game Concept: JRPG set in the US but the developers know nothing about America

I regret to inform you that the hamburger festival is in fact real

“Regret”, this fucking rules

Americans will have a festival for literally any kind of food. We will go for any excuse to eat food off of flimsy paper plates out in the fairground parking lot.

americans are beyond parody

Yeah but it’s fun sometimes

ESPRESSO - Sabrina Carpenter (2024)

THE WOODCHIPS

Dear people living on your own for the first time:

Here’s some advice I wasn’t told from the myriad of posts before that I wish I’d been given before

Hey this post is pretty good but please always wash your rice. It’s not to make it taste better, it’s to remove aflatoxin, which is created by a very widespread type of fungus and as such is present on most unwashed produce. Chronic exposure to aflatoxin leads to higher risk of liver and gallbladder cancer. I don’t blame anyone for not knowing this, as I didn’t until I started taking classes about cancer for my microbiology degree. Please always wash all of your produce and especially your rice, as it has a much higher surface area to volume ratio meaning that it can have a lot more aflatoxin on it than other produce if you don’t wash it.

researching parrying daggers as a fun little treat and i'm delighted by how much every single one of these things looks like it's designed to be as annoying as possible

this one is my favourite. it's called a swordbreaker. it looks like a weaponised version of snagging your clothes on a door handle. if you caught my blade in one of these things there isn't a force on earth that could deliver you from my fury.

deliver your fury with what? your sword?

Hello, lactose intolerant person. Your stomach has repeatedly made you aware that you have a dairy sensitivity via violent diarrhea, yet you never alter your eating habits. In front of you is a delicious salad with a nice shredded cheddar. Next to it is another salad of the same quality, minus the cheese that your stomach so despises. The door will unlock and you will be set free regardless of which one you pick, because I already know which one you are going to pick, and there is no trap I could set that is worse than the fate you have sealed for yourself. Good luck out there soldier.