Scripture of the Sub-Class Cirripedia with Figures

Appends this to all my posts but as a good thing

re-opening a lot of old wounds lately---or, finding they were still open

i think one of the most traumatizing phenomenon for me is that of 'sex advice,' as in, 'how to please a woman,' 'how to make her come,' et cetera. i couldn't help but be exposed to this shit as a kid, it's rampant in feminist & 'queer' online circles. the assumption is that if you have a dick, and your lover has a cunt, sex will be enjoyable for you no matter what, and especially, what naturally feels most enjoyable for you feels BAD for your lover, and you need to do something unintuitive/something that PROBABLY will feel bad to YOU to please them, because your bodies are so diametrically opposed. people love this shit! it seems to really appeal to cis women, the idea that they are maligned on a biological level and special care needs to be taken in reparation. and 'feminist' men also seem to revel in how they are so altruistic that they ignore their bodily urges and leverage their body as a tool for the other's pleasure. this can't be called sex! the obsession with obligations, mechanical techniques, achieving specific ends in specific ways... sex should be the opposite of that...

even though i know (now) that it's just completely wrong, and i fucking hate it, these ideas have really got under my skin and affected my sexuality, i think. my favorite is sticking it in girl's cunts, and penetrative sex in general. and i've always felt that way. so it was easy to read this sort of thing as applying to myself, and i felt so sad and guilty for even liking piv at all, since the impression i got was that everyone with a cunt hates it (and heaven knows why they ever participate) unless you go out of your way to 'last longer,' stimulate this or that special place, use this or that special technique, mostly with your hands; your dick doesn't bring anyone pleasure. there is NO WAY for someone to come from just piv, well, besides the top, of course. i'm really into cis women, i think they're really hot. but i always have this guilt when fucking them, this must be much more enjoyable for me than it is for them. i feel like i have to sideline my own desires, i have to make them come before i do, as many times as possible, otherwise i'll be just like all those terrible men that just USE women's bodies for their OWN pleasure. ironically this has resulted in my body being used for pleasure in ways that were not fun for me many times! woman moment.

one of the things i love most about sex is how desires align, how what you want to do is often exactly what your lover wants to do, how you can be totally selfish, focus completely on your own desire, and your lover can do the same, and magically you end up pleasuring each other also. the magic is that if you want to fuck, there's lots of people that WANT to get fucked. they selfishly want for themselves the thing that for you is your own selfish desire. there's no need for altruism or special care at all. i like that one can be totally careless during sex, let go, lose control. that is to say, after having sex with lots of people, it's impossible not to notice that anyone can come from piv, and it's clearly most often really enjoyable for both parties, at least in my experience. actually in my experience it's usually more enjoyable for the bottom but that's my fault because of my aforementioned fear! but yeah, like, just BEING penetrated feels good, usually. which is what i always hoped/how i always imagined it.

this shit is so insidiously transmisogynistic in its core essence---it's deeply violent towards cock, positioning it as inherently powerful, oppressive, destructive, and also towards women, like, it's obviously horrible for women that have dicks, but, i feel like the ideas peddled here are horrible for cis women too. oh your body is inherently harder to please, it's harder for you to come, other people have to take special considerations for you otherwise you'll always be dissatisfied with sex. i feel like reading this stuff as a cis woman would make me really sad also. i'd think, i want to be with a partner whose own selfish desire is also for me my own selfish desire, not someone whose desire doesn't move me naturally but who has to modify it, to go out of their way to 'please' me. that doesn't please me. i hope this advice is wrong because i want to have sex with someone where we just naturally make each other feel good and it's fun and not a chore for anyone... but no i don't know how cis people stand this. it's so literally violent to separate people's bodies into mechanically different categories like this. virulent transmisogyny, virulent essentialism. but it's deeply affected me.

like, i most often end up playing the role of a service top during sex, even though i don't like that and have never wanted that, i just slip into that role. i wanna be a selflish exploitative top that just uses women's bodies for my own pleasure, that seems really awesome. i mean, i feel like that's a really admirable quality of cis men, that they pursue their own desires so readily and without shame(i mean, many of them seem to. i don't have much hands-on experience). if i was a straight cis woman i would surely think that was cool! but yes, i always think, oh, if i come now she would be annoyed, if i don't touch her enough with my hands before i stick it in i won't have 'earned it,' and so on. that's so dumb! why is it so hard for me to escape this pattern of thinking? regardless of the fact that there are plenty of people that think like this, i want to have sex the way i want to, and let others get mad at me retardedly if that's what they're gonna do. but i'm too afraid, most of the time. clearly this is a deep wound, i usually can overcome things like this with sheer willpower.

i've been thinking a lot about my sexuality, what i really desire, what i really care about, what i'm afraid of, how to have the kind of sex that i want to, where to go, who to know

i can't think of what to do exactly. i sort of fail to imagine the possiblity of something better, it seems. which is lame... i should at least be able to imagine it. i've been confronting a lot of failure of imagination, or in other words, fear, lately. it's hard. and embarrassing. i've conquered a lot of fears, and i've just never been afraid of most of the things most people are. i think of myself as really strong. but i have not survived unscathed. who could?

"for bourgeois psychology, joy is not when you love a woman, but when you have her!" -Bordiga, Immutable tablets of the communist theory of the party, 1960

rare bourgeois psychology win

service tops die

sometimes even when its clear lying in bed is not making in better and in fact probably making it worse you have to do it anyway

i told milo to delete tumblr and be did 😅

the DSMVI is replacing all disorders with a spinny wheel that decides whether you get the forever torture drugs or amphetamines, thus streamlining the psychiatric process

I feel like if you’re bed rotting from an autoimmune disease you should get to stop paying bills. just for a little bit. just as a treat.

I think you should also be given a mystery gift chansey that knows the move wish AND can pass the move on as an egg move to other chansey.

you don't just put an "a" at the end of any random word to do an italian accent, there's a logic to it. you don't know anything

iu ev tu pronauns de uords de uei dei ar spochen, thets de siicret, problem is iu start saunding like a resist stereotaip

breaking news: italian boy says secret to doing an italian accent is to pronounce words how they are spoken