Spider-man/Deadpool #69

Part One (Page 1-8)

58 seconds to demonstrate EXACTLY why professionalism requires manners.

For those of you who do not speak Corporate, this is just:

“Fuck you.” “Fuck you, too.”

Nah, there’s definitely some “are you fucking shitting me?” and “have you tried, perchance, using your eyeballs?” in there too.

Spectrum of overwhelm, now in triangle form due to popular demand

oh,

oh this is absolutely beautiful

I saw some James Webb Telescope scientists give a talk and one of them said this was her favorite image because she had waited and worked 25 years to see this.

my family is fucking addicted to macgyvering and it's becoming a problem. every time something in this house breaks, instead of doing the sensible thing of replacing it or calling someone qualified to fix it, we all group around the offending object with a manic look in our eyes and everyone gets a try at fixing it while being cheered on or ridiculed by the rest.

it's a beautiful bonding activity, but the "creative" fixes have turned our house into a quasihaunted escape room like contraption where everything works, but only in the wonkiest of ways. you need a huge block of iron to turn on the stove. the oven only works if a specific clock is plugged in. the bread machine has a huge wood block just stapled to it that has become foundational to its function. sometimes when you use the toaster the doorbell rings. and that's just the kitchen.

it's all fun and games until you have guests over and you have to lay out the rules of the house like it's a fucking board game. welcome to the beautiful guest room. don't pull out the couch yourself you need a screwdriver for that, and that metal rod makes the lamp work so don't move it. it also made me a terrifying roommate in college, because it makes me think i can fix anything with enough hubris and a drill. you want to call the landlord about a leaky faucet? as if. one time my dad made me install a new power socket because we ran our of extension cords

to the people saying this isn't safe in the tags: my dad has a engineering degree and my brother is a mechanic this is like. state sanctioned macgyvering. safe sane and consensual macgyvering. our house will not burn down. in fact, i think it has made us all better in approaching problems from all angles when they arise, which has served me well in life, especially in high stress situations.

does our hot water switch off every thirty seconds making showers an exiting exercise in counting and resilience? yes. but one time the door of the train toilet broke, trapping me inside, and i went "well i can either succumb to the panic of claustrophobia or do this family-style" and then spent twenty minutes breaking down the lock with my shoelace and the belt i was wearing. so i'll take the cold water any day

Never have I wanted to see inside a stranger's home more

OP lives in a point-and-click adventure game

My current favorite headcanon/dynamic:

Jaskier: *flirts constantly, outrageously, with increasingly florid romantic entreaties, never once expecting to be taken seriously*

Geralt: *finally responds with something obscene and unbelievably explicit*

Jaskier: *trips, drops shit, stammers, clutches pearls, faints*

Geralt: *laughs his ass off*

I'm definitely going to write this dynamic for the sequel to Roses are Red.

Jaskier: Ah my dear witcher, I am naught but a lost man, perishing without your favor. Will today be the day that you bestow upon me the bounty of your affection...will my suffering end, will you---

Geralt: *finishes taking swig of ale and wipes his mouth with the back of his hand* Why don't you come sit on my cock, bard?

Jaskier: *drops his cup, makes tortured squeaking noise and trips over his own feet*

Geralt: *smothers a gale of laughter and shrugs* I mean if you don't want to, you can just say so.

to whom it may concern,

if you're someone who used to read a lot as a child and now you're an adult who hasn't read a book in five years and you miss that part of yourself, i'm here to reassure you that that part of yourself isn't gone for good. It's a habit you can nurture. All it needs is a little bit of practice, and a little bit of pushing through to the part where you start enjoying yourself again

Sincerely,

An adult who's learning to love reading again

To whom it may concern,

If you were a child who hated reading and now as an adult you're trying to play catch up from all that you've missed out on, I'm here to reassure you that it's never to late. It's never too late to read those kids books everyone else talks about. It's never too late to try starting. It's okay to discover things that give you joy later in life.

Kind regards,

A former kid who hated reading because she had trouble sounding out new words.

Don’t let anyone else ruin your life. Only YOU can ruin your life. Go ruin your life. Set your house on fire.

for the record, this is what it feels like when you like and reblog us, small artists

dr who’s on first, doctor strange is on second and doctor house is on third. theres no way theyre getting through a single inning

so who’s on first?

That’s right 👍🏻

that’s strange

No, he’s on second.

Well how’s he on second if he’s on first?

No no no, House is on third. Second base is Strange.

Well this whole darn thing is strange but what I’m asking is who’s on first?

Naturally.

Who?

Naturally.

So Naturally is the first baseman?

No. The first baseman is Who.

Well I don’t know that so how’s about you tell me?

House is on Third.

I’m not asking you about third base I’m asking you about first base.

Who’s on first!

This is horrible

Dr Horrible is the pitcher, not first base

That’s not what I’m asking about! No!

Dr No is in the outfield, but let’s not worry about them right now.

:)

if ur dealing to the people on the left you’d just say “$45 a gram” and theyd be like “yeah bro sure dude i gotchu thats legitness ur the man” but the ppl on the right u gotta finesse like “my normal price is $15 a g but this stuff is called Cosmic Throat Cum Squirt Haze so the lowest i can go is $50″ and theyd b like “wow… so cultured… i cant wait to smoke this out of my native american themed bong…”

: 0 !!!

Do y'all not remember the russian spies that plagued tumblr??

this site has been on a noticeable decline from the moment they expunged the russian chaos agents

Tumblr had what

I like how the consensus on this site was that despite being a constant dumpster fire of failure, the one thing the admins were able to successfully figure out was an international espionage ring orchestrated from the kremlin as opposed to thinking maybe, just maybe, they banned a bunch of funny black people because hillary ate shit in 2016

uhhhhh no this really happened and it was not a conspiracy to ban a bunch of funny black people, unless you mean the fake black people the troll accounts posed (source: npr) as 

additional sources: https://www.wired.com/story/tumblr-russia-trolls-propaganda/  https://www.theguardian.com/technology/2018/mar/24/tumblr-says-russia-used-it-for-fake-news-during-2016-election

It’s really fucking weird that people are pretending this didn’t happen.

I can specifically speak about lagonegirl as I was a follower. They never spoke to their followers. Their posts all had a similar format to Vox posts at the time. They would leave a written funny comment on their posts turns out those were taken from Twitter users and written out like it was their own words. The many popular Black tumblr users rebloged the posts and added more funny comments and post would get widely shared.

I’m starting to wonder if this is a new Russian scam. Get people to belief it didn’t happen so they can do it again.

having sorted through the replies on this post, there are two camps:

1. people saying yes, russian psyops on social media accounts were totally a thing. they copied real content (which could be traced back to their original sources) but edited and modified in ways that helped them shape the conversation in the direction that served their purpose.  source: here are 5 sources documenting it

2. people saying no, russian psyops was never a thing.  uhhhh, duh! pfff, you believed that? cringe. OBVIOUSly fake. 

I gotta add they were on *all* the damn socials, it’s just that Tumblr hoards its old junk whereas all the others only want new content front and centre. If we didn’t sift through our ashes so much we’d have forgotten, too.

Oh yeah I forgot to add before this fell out of the queue, obviously no one thinks staff figured that out on their own. It was a massive international intelligence operation that also included facebook, reddit, twitter, instagram, youtube, buzzfeed somehow, and teams of competent professional intelligence analysts.

Afterwards the inquiry concluded that the russian trolls (of whom several were in fact indicted) specifically targeted Black voters to divide and undermine their vote

https://www.bbc.com/news/technology-49987657

They piggybacked on BLM

https://www.nbcnews.com/tech/social-media/russian-trolls-went-attack-during-key-election-moments-n827176

And they focused on Black Americans as prospective assets

https://edition.cnn.com/2018/12/17/tech/russia-2016-election-social-media-report/index.html

op was purpose-designed to alienate and disenfranchise Black Americans, “a bunch of funny black people” try a bunch of digital blackface, just a wholeass online minstrel show

We’ve lived through such interesting times, haven’t we?

[without glancing up from my Library Book about History]

Ok guys you do know that every major Empire employs PsyOps pretty much 24/7, right?

The United States Cyber Command is a fucking agency with a published budget.

China’s combination Space Force and Cyberwarfare Army was formally launched in 2015. These agencies have full-time employees, you know? This is what they do.

Russia has been big into telecom as a vector for Imperial directives all throughout the history of the technology and they did not miss a beat when we switched from analog to digital.

Every time there’s a big election, there’s folks on some government payroll on every social worth a damn trying to steer the conversation. This isn’t even new! It’s just another branch of Propaganda, really, which all Empires engage in. They did it with television. They did it with Radio. They did it with newspapers. This is basic Statecraft.

Cultivate Skepticism.

There are far more players to this game than just Russian Trolls, and this year is an important one. Tumblr is a small pond but something is sure to show up. Be wary. Stay calm. Fact check.

Stay safe out there.

There is a new Wayne Family fan account. Which wouldn't be too out of the ordinary if it weren't for the account talking about things they should have no way of knowing.

Danny can't do anything about Vlad now that he's both become mayor and wormed his way back into his parents lives. But he can at least piss him off. He does that via multiple fan accounts that point out how much better other billionaires are compared to him. Though in hindsight, maybe he shouldn't have relied on ghosts to get him information.

@starry-rivers you are absolutely correct. Thomas and Martha would absolutely love an excuse to talk about their precious baby boy and their adorable grandkids.

They tell Danny about embarrassing stories from when Bruce was a kid. They tell embarrassing stories like that time Thomas snuck up on Alfred, and the butler ended up flipping him onto the table. The poor man wouldn’t stop apologizing for a week afterward.

They talk about how Damian has been adjusting so well, and Dick actually got him to let Tim give the boy a hug without threatening to stab him! They talk about how even when Bruce first got Jason, he had the kind of gumption that earned Thomas a few black eyes and many pats on the back when Thomas was a young man. Dick’s gymnastics antics from old Galas are always fondly told. Tim actually got six hours of sleep last night! He had to be hounded on and given the Raised Eybrow by Alfred, but he did it!

I’m sorry but Damian tweeting snitch is so funny I can’t stop laughing lmao

Alfred: Master Tim, did you swap out your Decaf Coffee with Expresso again?

Tim: No Alfred, trust me I didn't.

Dick: *walks in* Hey Alfred, check this out *shows Phone*

[Image: Tweet from Danny's page that simply says, "@alfred, he's lying. He did."]

Tim: Okay THIS IS GETTING CONCERNING!

Dick: *phone dings* Uh, about that... *shows phone*

[Image: Tweet saying "@TimDrakeWayne, no it isn't."]

Danny has been dubbed as the new Family cryptic and he doesn't realize it. He's family now, Whether he likes it or not. If only they could just find him and take him home

The reason why he doesn’t know is cause Martha and Thomas also want him as part of the family, they’ve seen the osha violation that is fenton works, so they haven’t told Danny.

Boys in for a hell of a surprise lol

Oh Barbara knows already who it is, but she's curious how Danny's able to snag the info that quickly and that accurately.

By the time the Batfam finds out who the cryptic is, Oracle will already be having a sidekick mark her words.

okay but the combination of Oracle's hacking and Danny's information via dead people??? Terrifying. I don't think they would get malicious but just... so much potential.

The Bats watch in confusion and concern as Danny gets dragged into the house by the ghosts of Thomas and Martha Wayne, who are arguing with Danny about him being their grandkid now. He's insistent that he's not and he gets dragged, fingers cutting small grooves into the solid wood flooring as the duo cheerfully disagree.

Barbara and Cass are just smiling in the background because they finally gets to meet Danny in person. (Barbara told Cass about him)

Theres also the alternate path that could have been taken, with the phrase "I am in your walls" being far more accurate than they thought. After all, gotham is so steeped in death that even the curse cant affect all of the ectoplasm which danny can survive off of easily. And hey, if he steals a couple oranges here and there once a week or so, who could tell with so many young heroes constantly going through the house, including no less than two supers, like 2-3 flashes, and a multitude of other growing meta vigilates!

And now I'm really tempted to start doing a type of comic/fic/fanwork where its just danny freaking out the waynes on twitter and in dms cause he decided to live in the walls of one of the billionaires that adamantly dislikes vlad after the fruitloop insulted cass for her inability to speak.

@tea-and-vodka here is small snippet of what I've done so far! I'll make sure to put a link to what I end up posting on ao3 when I get enough for the first (maybe only) chapter!

I'm curious. Reblog this if you know how to cook

I don’t even care if it’s macaroni, ramen or those little bowls you stick in the microwave. Please, I need reassurance that most of the population on tumblr WOULDN’T STARVE TO DEATH if their parents couldn’t fix them food or they couldn’t go out to eat. 

DPXDC prompt. Nanny Wilson

Little Danny is almost lost in the mall when his parents suddenly run too fast in an attempt to catch up a ghost that their equipment has detected. Young Fenton is not a crybaby at all, but being alone without daddy and mommy is a little scary, so he begins to whimper and run around, trying to find familiar features in the blurry figures around him. Finally, he bumps into the thigh with a gun. It doesn't look much like an ectoblast, but dad is always inventing something new, so Danny quickly hugs this leg as hard as he can and begs loudly.

Danny: Daddy! Don't leave me! Slade: What the hell… Boy, I'm not your dad.

Danny blinks a few times and realizes that this man really doesn't look like Jack.

Danny: Oh. I'm sowwy. Can you help me find my daddy?

Slade: What makes you think I'm going to do this?

Danny: You have a gun and dad has a gun, so you're good. Are you here to hunt too? Slade: Something like that...What's your father's name, kid?

Jack: Danny! There you are!

A huge figure in a hazmat suit rushes towards them and Danny notices that his new friend is hastily hiding the weapon. To cheer up the man who is obviously meeting Jack Fenton for the first time, Danny smiles broadly. Dad may look scary, but he doesn't steal other people's toys.

Jack: Oh, thanks for looking after him. Our goal turned out to be too fast and we didn't even notice when our boy started to fall behind. Slade: No problem, colleague. Maddie: ? Danny: Kind uncle is also a hunter. Maddie: Oh, that's great! Em, sorry, but is there any chance that you have a time to look after our boy for a few days? We'll pay you well. You see, he rarely trusts people so quickly, and we absolutely do not have time to look for a replacement for our old nanny, and we really need to complete the last project as soon as possible.

Looking at the giggling boy trying to see if there are any other interesting things on him, Wilson decides that this will not be a bad experience in case he decides to establish a relationship with his found daughter.

Slade: All right, I'll take your order.

~~~About ten years later~~~

Danny, who is much more familiar with death than in canon, after being freshly ghosted: Damn, nanny will be so mad at me.

~~~~~ Danny: Hey, Slade. Do you want me to show you something cool? Slade: Not now, kid, nanny is cleaning up. Danny: Yeah, about that. *makes a corpse go through the ground* Ta-da! Can we talk now? Slade at the first second: *Surprised Pikachu face*. Slade when he notices a strange glow around Danny, like from ectoplasm in the lab of the boy's parents: >:( … >:( … >:( Danny: S-stop it!

~~~~~ Slade: And take out the bloodstains from those shirts too, they're my favorites. Danny: Oh dude, have you heard that child labor is illegal? Slade: Whoever doesn't help uncle Slade doesn't get a new knife for Christmas. Danny: Pfff…Now I'm my own weapon, come up with something new or I'll find myself a cooler mentor. Slade: Jackanapes!

~~~~~

When Wilson stumbles upon a distraught runaway Robin, he sincerely tries to take care of him as well as he took care of Danny. Deathstroke is an experienced babysitter, so there shouldn't be any problems with vigilante child being around on his missions. All children love knives, workouts and guns, right? Plus, staying alone when they are upset, as Jazz says, is unhealthy.

~~~~A few days later~~~~

Dick's thoughts: He wants to make me his evil sidekick, oh no! Wilson's thoughts: What's wrong with this kid? Batman so fucked up? Wayne needs to be stripped of his parental rights. I'm calling Jazz.

~~~~~

Wilson, who does not understand that he has been hanging out with Fentons too long, looks with perplexity at Grayson, who's running away from flying pieces of Maddie's pizza, then shoots some pepperoni and sits down at the table. It's going to be a long way. Poor boy.

~~~~~

Meanwhile, Fenton family is visiting Masters for the first time. Vlad tries to flirt with Maddie and then pretends to be good-natured while getting to know Danny.

Danny: I know 54 ways to kill you with this fork. If I were you I think I'd watch my mouth. Jack: He's joking, V-man. Danny: I'm not. Jack: He's just like his babysitter. They have such an unusual sense of humor. I think our boy really likes you! Usually Danny is too shy to talk like this with strangers. Vlad: Babysitter? Maddie: Yes, Mr. Wilson helped us out a lot and often did not even take payment. He's an angel. Vlad: I think I've heard that name somewhere before... Jack: Ugh, I want to introduce you anyway! Danny: Me too. Jack: Great. What about Wednesday? Danny: Dad, uncle might be busy. Let me ask him when he has time to, um, pay your old friend a visit.

😳 <- this emoji but without the blush or romantic connotation. im not blushing im staring you directly in your fucking eyes

if you excuse the bad editing it would look like this

can we hit 150k before this piece of shits one year anniversary

u know before yellow emojis took over as automatic, the one we used for this exactly was O_O . which has unfortunately become the shortcut for the stupid blushy one. but we also used to emphasize the emotion by making the mouth bigger, O_________O . there was also o_O , for when you're weirded out, and o_o for small weirds or intrigue. you could use a period instead of an underscore for the mouth, o.o, O.O, which was a little more like shock.

there was also -_- for when you're annoyed. -_-* for pissed. the asterisk is a forehead vein. a very bad day or very bad joke could result in -___________-********** .

anyway that's your history lesson for the day, dont forget your roots.

let us also not forget the meekest of them all: ._.