Field Bears

i need to stop listening to Chappell Roan in the shower. she makes me want to slut drop but my old man knees wont let me be slutty so i keep just slowly crouching and then wincing as i stand back up. im everyones dream girlboy

Unmute !

@windkonig you seen this?

YES OMG I think the video is still cute but the person who made it doesn't seem to realize he is Mating with that sock. he isn't cuddling it, it's not his toy, he is Having Sex.

during mating the male beardie will bite the back of the female's neck just like he's doing with the sock LOL

She puts his wife in the washing machine. Messed up.

hello I am speaking to you from the future: this guy is awful at sex and will put you in the hospital. he owes you $500. you will have one orgasm the entire time you are with him and it will be followed by him scolding you to move your hand away from your clit because "it's distracting" and he can't cum unless he mimics the exact same level of numb pressure and total dissociation he has conditioned himself to masturbating with five times a day. every girl he has ever dated has tried to commit suicide. after you get away from him you will realize he looks exactly like Carl from Aqua Teen. instead of dating him you should turn your 100k word Sabrina fanfic into a breakout YA novel using find-and-replace and buy a decent vacuum cleaner

It should be a bigger scandal that J.K. Rowling is threatening to sue small accounts for accurately calling her a Holocaust denier. So glad the Streisand effect exists. Now we can all rebuke her reprehensible views more than ever.

official crab post

the last line hit me like a fuckin sledgehammer

Far worse, in my opinion, than the famous “he wouldn’t fucking say that” is “he WOULD fucking say that, as part of his facade, but you seem to think he would mean it genuinely”

Hello important information!!!

Bread is NOT part of a skeleton's natural diet and feeding it to them can make them sick. Instead try: coins from countries that no longer exist, dead batteries, ballpoint pens, or brass buckles. These are much closer to what skeletons eat in the wild :)

I live in a coastal region and I generally feed the local skeletons with broken seashells collected during low tide, which are high in calcium and other natural minerals. Very occasionally, such as for celebrations such as last night's solstice, a shard of broken ancient pottery makes a great treat, but be careful, as these are sometimes cursed, and may cause issues for some skeletons.

I hear in towns with big candy companies they use to feed their skeletons with candy wrappers. Because of that the skeletons would be also be out in droves around Halloween. And that's why we have skeleton's as a Halloween symbol.

remember kids- feeding candy wrappers to your friendly neighborhood skeletons is harmful to their long term health! try some old pennies or a handful of colorful autumn leaves intead!!

An excerpt from the trial of Elinor Crane, who was arrested in Middlesex in 1693 on suspicion of burglary. A witness claimed one of the burglars was a woman in men's clothing, and Elinor had previously been seen in the area dressed as a man.

"But the Court asking her why she went in Mans Apparel, the Prisoner replyed, She went to Wooe a Widow. Upon the whole Matter the Jury brought her in not Guilty."

(source: Old Bailey Proceedings: Accounts of Criminal Trials, April 26, 1693.)

#'why were you wearing pants?' 'hot milfs in my area' 'understandable - next case'

no that makes sense, you can't be committing a burglary if you're hitting on widows.

Sees a piece of media has SungWon Cho in it: It's prozd! my friend prozd! we went to tumblr posts together

he taste like shit. 🩸

Fix-it AU

one comment made me think what would happen if Astarion brought my Durge to Cazaldor before the main story.

picked a bunch of mandrakes the other day

fascinating

Credit to moeai.art on Tik Tok

MVP