Most delicious hot dogs in Santa Cruz.

Santa Cruz Golf Lessons. In Motion.

ANTICIPATION

Creativity if nothing else sets me free. 

Its where gold and coal compliment each other on their outfits.

So many people I admire. So many people waking up. So many reasons to continue with a heart open and intact. 

God dam roughly six more decades depending on your diet, exercise and general life choices.

So much time to learn, grow, give fucks before trading in a shell and taking the proverbial escalator up, up, and away.  What an excellent goal to have, to be better today than you were yesterday.

How did you get to be so sexy, smart, strong. Who taught you this?

To whom shall this hand extend, and to where shall this home reside?

What a terribly hideous strength you've uncovered young man.

get a cat

If you are a sentimental man, who often feels jaded by the feminine, You should not get a dog. Get a cat. For the sentimental man, a dog seems the obvious choice,  A friend who will love you unconditionally, enthusiastically, affectionately and indiscriminately. Dogs can meet your deepest needs for connection validation, and companionship. But if you are a man, and want to learn to coexist and understand the patterns and needs of the feminine, Then get yourself a cat. A cat will leave your ego bare and force you to accept the ever changing ratios of closeness and separateness. A cat will teach you gratitude. For when your love is given freely, without expectation, condition, or enititlement, | then it will conjure reciprocation | | and can be relished and savored | | Deeply felt, and appreciated | But,  if you hold on, overindulge, or attempt to control this love, then yet again, it shall abandon you. This is a delicate balance that every man must learn, especially, the sentimental one. The feminine is receptive and narcissistic by nature, and when it falls in your lap, you may stroke it and admire it's beauty, but you may not be lost in it. And while it is tempting, very tempting to get a dog, their wisdom is of a different nature, and may console but will not challenge. Their is a time and a place for every kind of wisdom. all will be learned and integrated to achieve balance. This will be a process that exists at the grocery store buying milk, in ecstacy of orgasm, and in the last breath of departure. If you are sentimental man, and wish to be balanced. Get a cat.

There are no words.

Thank you.

((Its a rhythm that flows naturally.))

DD&OD feat Tim Wilkins.

((Delirious Love letters_______Half asleep))

I’m so very tired.

A long day of blanketed moments…have entreated my thoughts to a state of delirium. Operating on gases and fumes.

But I cannot sleep. For during the day I put my daydreams to away,  as they do not serve me in the demanding, and ever important task of being of service. I have learned to starve my emotions for the sake of strength and stoicism, accomplishment and clarity. But I release them like title waves when I finally get time alone, under a moon, beside a candle, delirious and lithe, soaking in the silence of the death of yet another day, poking my nose into books that have very low semblance of reality. I know I need them both, as I know they are two sides of a coin that every warrior must confront and resolve in their own way. How can I be loving and gentle, connected to spirit, while remaining grounded and strong, with powerful action and knowledge, removed from sentiments and fantasy?

I love you, fantasy. I sing your songs, and I caress your curves, and often overstay my welcome in-between your warm breasts.

And Love, your are everything. You are healing. You free me from my wounded stories, and you fill me to brim. You draw circles where I see only dead ends.

When you beckon, I will follow you,

Though I know your paths are steep and narrow,

When you open your hand to me,

I will grasp it,

Though I know your strength can break my bones,

When you speak to me,

I will believe you,

Though your voice has shattered my dreams,

And laid to waste my beautiful garden.

As you crown me, you also crucify me.

As you grow me, you also prune and remove limbs.

As you ascend me to my greatest heights,

And nourish my olive branches in the sun,

You also shake me at my roots,

And leave me clinging and quivering, unearthed and in the dark.

But I don’t seek refuge from your thorns,

Nor will I seek permanence your bloom.

For in the season in which I must weep,

I desire to release all my tears,

So when the season of laughter comes again,

I can laugh boundlessly into your sacred feast.

Let us live to love another day.

Stand against injustice and abuse where we may find it in ourselves and others.

Laugh at the absurdity of it all, and admit when we fart in public.

Give me peace tonight,

While my heart remains heavy,

my spirit is light,

For Love, you see…

I am so very tired.

-Harper King

My brother Sean. Hero. Good man. Teacher.

Woke up, using these lungs I didn't purchase, feeling conviction inside my purpose, feeling beautiful beneath the surface.

Matin Luther King Jr.

Memorized.

((I extend to you my olive branch arms, so you may find shade and sustenance in their embrace.))

Before I continue on, I feel I must clear the air and be honest.

I haven't wanted to write in my blog recently because I know you read it. I know its your way of staying connected to me, but I also know that it has at times kept me holding onto to unhelpful fantasies, and admittedly, I have often tried to use words to affect you. I hope you will forgive me, as I could not help where I was at in my process. I considered deleting it, but I knew that as well would be a move that furthered my fear of facing what has now been lost.

But I don't want to hide, and I started this blog for myself, and have no control over who reads it or the opinions they may form because of it. 

So, I want to tell you that I am going to continue writing, and of course, as always you are welcome to read it. But Rochelle, these are no longer for you. Even though, I at times still cry, and at times still miss you and all the things we gave to each other. And yes, the songs I have written do reflect a part of me that wishes we could go back. I no longer desire to go backwards. I no longer require your validation or approval or love. That was never the point. Its was always about the love that come from us that made us beautiful together. And now,  I don't know you, and like the many people I've yet to meet, I don't need to know you.

I didn't think I would ever be able to let go of you, and it would be silly to pretend that I have. But things are different now. I am different now, and my calling no longer involves you. 

While these words may seem cold, I want you to know that they were created out of love and grounded in respect. Respect for ourselves as individuals, and the choices we have made that brought us too this point. 

I only hope that you are becoming exactly who you want to be. I hope the you are loved with all the passion and reverence that you deserve, and I hope you are giving love back in the same manner in whatever way it is manifesting in your life. 

I hope you don't spend too much time in the past, because that isn't where you belong. 

You were always there and always helpful in my pursuit of my own unique masculinity and manhood, and I ironically, manhood has begun to happen to me in a real way as I have stopped trying to pursue it, and started to be it. 

I cant see anything for us anymore, and thats a beautiful place to be.

I hope that if you do continue to follow my blog, my life, or my music that you will find some value in it for yourself. And I also hope if you ever decide to get in touch with me, you can do so without shame or guilt for things that are now in the past.

((deep thoughts at the dmv.))

What an interesting animal the human is. A spiritual being trapped in an animals mind and body. Two energies costantly competing for expression, reaching wvwr toward integration. And I just farted.

((Principles, Values, Ideals.))

Simplify.

I reorganized my room two weeks ago. I visualized the most simple efficient, and creative version it could be. I value music, expression, and growth, so they have become its central themes.'

The plastic stars glow at night, above my bed, they soak in light, and illuminate like fireflies.  

I have noticed that my role as a youth worker has taken on new meaning and greater responsibility, so I have tried to simplify, and become a better role model. Simple, effective, boundaries are the sunlight and water of development.

These things never go out of style.

On Honesty:

Never lie.

Never Cheat. 

Never Steal.

On Adversity:

Don't whine.

Don't complain.

Don't make excuses.

The most powerful tool we have as people, educators, artists, family members, role models, human beings, hosts on planet earth, is love. 

"He drew a circle that shut me out- Heretic, rebel, a thing to flout. But love and I had the wit to win: We drew a circle and took him In!"

Little moments with loved people.

Work station