Barely holding on

I have been wondering about how to write this all down and how I should share it and if anyone would bother reading it but I guess putting it out there for others to read will help me. 

I guess I have been programmed/raised to help people and that is what I want to do with this and this is the reason why I am sharing my bad times/thoughts with random strangers because recently I reached out to a somewhat support group and yes I did get some very encouraging words and support from some of the members of the group, however the downside to this was that some people made in the support group made me feel guilty for reaching out for help.

That my friend is not OKAY! When someone no matter what they are suffering from or whether you know them or not reaches out for help they should get help back and not guilt.

This was my first time reaching out seeking help and it was tough for me to do that so I personally know how hard it can be for someone to speak out and ask for help, so let me start things off and hopefully I can offer someone some kind of support or comfort so that they are not alone with what they are going through; so I guess here goes nothing....

August 10th 2016, I suffered a mental and emotional breakdown this had been building up for over a month now due to the pressures that I have found myself under, after finding out that I failed my final year of university exams and that I would not be joining my friends and classmates at graduation, I started to notice that my mood was down once again and that I did not want to carry on with anything and I started to shut down.

I was given the chance to retake the two exams that I failed this picked my mood up a little as I thought to myself that I could pass them this time around and get my life back on track however as I am currently in the final few days of my exam prep/studying. The reality hit me that I failed the exams the first time around due to my lecturer wanting tiny details that I could not remember for eight different topics that could possibly come up in the exam.

My breakdowns seem to happen in the middle of the night/morning so that no one is around to help me get through them and to talk me through the dark thoughts that swim around my head at this time and the memories of my self-harming days come swimming back.

Like usual this breakdown happened in the middle of the night when the possibility hit me that I could fail the exams all over again due to the fact that I cannot remember the tiny details that are needed to pass the exam; with this I started to wonder about how my future will turn out if I do not pass and get my degree and how this will affect me mentally because in a few weeks’ time after I have re-sat my exams I will get the results and I will then find out if I have ‘wasted’ the last three years of my life and put myself mentally and emotionally through hell with nothing to show for it apart from the scars on my arm and the memories I shall carry around with me.

But I decided to take baby steps and hang on to my life for a little bit longer to see if at the end of this dark, sad  and lonely tunnel that there will be a glimmer of light.

Am I sharing my breakdown for sympathy?

No

Am I sharing my breakdown to help someone else going through something similar?

Yes

I want to spread my story and other breakdowns that I may suffer so that others who are going through the same know that they are not suffering alone even though they think they might be. I want to help people fight this and if that means just one person then that one person is the person who I help.

I want to help people fight this and for us to all stand up together and take back our lives. In this post and future posts because I am Alice and in this bad world I have fallen down the rabbit hole into the darkness that is Wonderland and I will report back so that I can hopefully save someone else from falling down the dark rabbit hole.

To those who have fallen down with me, I offer you a warm hand to hold, a warm body to hug and an ear to listen to any problem that you may have, because you are awesome I know it and deep down so do you so who cares about what others may think.

Love,

Grace in Wonderland  ❤ x

My Supernatural collection seems to be growing. I really shouldn't be allowed in shops alone 😉 #spn #spnshotglass #spnbadges #jointhehunt

The best people are 😉 Love your own crazy ❤💛💚💙💜 #aliceinwonderland #bestpeopleare #loveyourowncrazy

Introducing Me :)

Hi, I’m Grace and I have made some pretty bad mistakes/life choices in my twenty-one years and of course, afterwards I think why did no one warn me or the most common thought which would be if only I could go back in time and change my decision/action.

Seeing as I have not invented a time machine yet and as far as I know no one else has and after watching some Youtubers discuss their life mistakes, I decided to share my bad life choices/mistakes with others who might be going through the same mistakes or gone through them, trust me you are not alone.

Most of the time with my past life choices I just wish I had done more research or put more thought into the decision that I was making at the time, so like I have alrea experiences with others so they can learn from them.

I have already fallen down many rabbit holes in my life and I have decided to report back my findings from my many falls to stop others from falling down the same rabbit holes.

Grace :)