🗡️
(in case you need a knife in the next two days for reasons unrelated to political assassinations)
🗡️
(in case you need a knife in the next two days for reasons unrelated to political assassinations)
short person: I literally look like your son. You look like a MILF and I look like your son.
taller person: You don't like it that I look like a-
short person: I look like you dressed me and I'm like the tween boy who... and I don't- I can't go out like this. Can you please wear different shoes?
King
I’ve never been so taken out by a response
professors who have only interacted with other academics for years: “what do you MEAN you don’t know multi-variable calculus yet??”
professors with small kids: “thank you for not putting the lab equipment in your mouths when I turn my back”
Bringing this back to share that one time I slept through part of a zoom meeting with my PhD advisor (who has a toddler) and he told me it was fine, that just meant I was a good sleeper
Professors who work with graduate students: if you finish the multivariate calculus work this week you can put one (1) piece of lab equipment in your mouth
Once had a professor whose previous career was giving educational zoo tours to children, so he’d say stuff like, “now let’s meet our friend, acidic keratin!”
in high school I was in the child development class where we ran the preschool. Class ended and I moved onto the next class, an art class. Sit down next to my friend who was working on a serious piece and casually asked for my thoughts on it, looking for serious critique.
Preschool mode had not turned off so I looked at it, clapped my hands and said “WOW Really great work! Amazing!”, in that same kind of voice you’d say to a toddler who presented you with a random scribble on a piece of paper.
Friend loved the reaction at least lmao.
hey i saw these tags and i think i’m about to kiss you on the mouth rn
The Scholomance: Galadriel. Hey. Galadriel. You should save these kid’s lives. Do it. Be a savior. Be selfless. I know you want to do it.
Galadriel:
I don’t think we appreciate enough the comedic genius that the best, most efficient killing spell in The Scholomance is difficult to cast because you have to be snobby and French enough about it, or else it just kills you instead.
women love me for my eye bags and dead eyed stare
The burning question about "homesteading tradwive influencer vs. actual medieval farmwife" wouldn't be about who would win, but what would be the final straw that would make Kathrynn - who got married at 21, doesn't know what a chemical is, and who would have sent her children to school if she had had the chance - finally decide to beat the ever-loving shit out of Kathrynn, who got married at 21, doesn't understand what a chemical is and can't spell for shit, but still thinks she can homeschool her kids.
It wouldn't be over feminist issues. Medieval Kathrynn has no concept of "women's right to vote" - it's not like her husband has the right to vote in government matters either. It would probably be about religion. Medieval Kathrynn has no idea what "catholism" is, but she heard Modern Kathrynn talk shit about the saints and decides to toss aside the goat she was castrating and go "that's it, I'm beating your ass."
I'm pretty sure it would be vaccination, actually. Medieval Kathrynn would find out that there's an easy, safe way to keep the babies from dying of measles/mumps/smallpox and that Modern Kathrynn is CHOOSING TO NOT DO IT and would use the grave marker of her third child who passed from the pox as a bludgeon.
Yeah sure we’ve all binged a long fic, but have you ever read a WIP and followed someone’s life?
Tidbits of information - (“I graduated today!”) - and small joys (“It’s my birthday!”) and you get to be there to say “This chapter made me cry, happy birthday, thank you for gifting us this”.
I remember reading this fic of someone at the end of high school, older than me then. They seemed infinitely wise, spoke of their future career and getting into the college they wanted. I remember them posting on days they felt like nothing could bring them down - and on days the whole world did and it’s the aftermath of a hospital visit. Cancer, I think it was, their father. I got to the end of the story, I know their father was fine, but also they got to finish their WIP. I graduated three years later than them, still dutifully wrote thank you notes in every comment. I wonder if they remember me, or just the collective of people reading the story as it updates.
Four years ago I was into my first year of university, my first year of figuring out being out in public spaces. I made excuses as to why my name didn’t match my paperwork and read a fic on the train, the same five chapters over and over again for the next years as I thought the story abandoned. It updated this week after such a long hiatus, I left another thank you comment.
There’s an author I love, they update their stories like a clockwork. When they don’t, I check their blog, just to see if their doing alright, not because I feel like they owe me, just to ensure whether I better get out my laptop to write that really detailed university level essay chapter analysis to get them smiling when their day sucked.
And then, once, when I was 17, I read a fic that hadn’t updated in over a decade. I wasn’t even in primary school when it started posting. On the last chapter, I left a comment that, in retrospect, was horribly rambly and most likely full of grammar mistakes. The author replied and though I couldn’t see their face, I thought of them crying. They were married now, had children, and hadn’t thought about this fic in years. They went through their files again, found another half written chapter and an outline. I got two new chapters to read that year.
And then, recently, someone told me they got back into writing original fiction because of my comments. I get to read nearly weekly chapters.
I love binge reading a finished fic, but nothing is ever going to top the feeling of anticipation of waiting for a chapter, the pure joy when someone tells you I was done with this, but you made me think of it again, so this is for you.
Anyway, I think we should romanticize reading WIPs more, growing up alongside the authors writing the stories we love.
Those videos that are like “sorry millennials but gen alpha thinks side parts/skinny jeans/high ponytails/whatever are cringey” are so painfully embarrassing can you IMAGINE being in your ENTIRE THIRTIES and caring what a twelve year old thinks about you??
So I ended up with free time at the end of my first class today, so I was like "do yall wanna see a vintage meme?" and turned on "what does the fox say". Expected like. A laugh from the kids, or even just a "wtf is this mx?" which is. A reasonable reaction to What Does The Fox Say.
But instead of a reasonable reaction. all of my students watched the first 60 seconds with jaws agape. And then this one kids turns to me like the fucking eye of Sauron and literally goes:
My husband told me I also should share the next part of this story, where I, feebly trying to defend my honor against a child, said, "No, this video was just big when I was in college!" and he scoffed, rolled his eyes, and absolutely obliterated me by saying, "So did you go to furry college?"
To everyone pointing out my icon: do I have a fursona? Yes. Does that make me a furry? Almost definitely. Do you admit that to a 12 year old who has just accused you of being a furry, in front of 23 other 12 year olds, with 25 instructional days left in the year? Absolutely THE FUCK not!!!
I don’t think I have the chops for D&D or other tabletop RPGs but I could make a good DM’s assistant. I don’t play the game but I sit and listen and then after the session the DM can ask me for ideas.
and I am in character as the king’s most trusted advisor the whole time
I could say things like “yes, my liege, most clever, my liege” and keep notes for the DM and maybe supply a few character voices. and serve everyone very sinister tea.
“Attracted to them books” LMFAOOOO
@carrie-frances im screaming
Bad news: your kid is the neighborhood cryptid.
Good news: you can get that on a bumper sticker