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Tonight's Crappy Tubi Horror Movie: Harland Manor (2021)

"While documenting paranormal activity inside an abandoned boarding school for wayward girls, a ghost hunting team realizes they’ve become the hunted."

Within the first five minutes we've had a Cold Open set 37 years in the past, jumped forward to introduce our ill-fated ghost hunters en route to the haunted house (apparently they have both photographic and audio evidence that the place is haunted already), and then for some reason it transitions into a montage with an aggressively loud ballad playing. In the montage we learn: Our main character is getting divorced, Vape Guy seems to be the only one focused on work, Token Girl (she identifies herself as such) is probably nailing one of the guys on the crew.

they have the characters staring slack jawed at this building as if it doesn't look like one of the lower tier frat houses at a state school

The scariest thing about this movie so far is how bad this crew is at filming. The current owner of the house is giving a lore dump about every bad thing that has ever happened there and he isn't miked, and Vape Guy (who I guess is the camera man) only seems to be filming about half the time, and of the actual filming time he isn't actually shooting the owner he's just, like, filming the ceiling or mirrors or whatever.

Love that they're using this as the "secret passage the doctor put in so he could sneak into the girls dorm" when it's very clearly just a regular ass hallway. I appreciate that lower budget movies usually have to use what they have wrt locations, but perhaps they should not have left this scene in the dark to try and obscure that it's just a regular ass hallway instead of showing a night vision mode on Vape Guy's camera.

Judging by the year this was released I think this is supposed to be an unlicensed Phantasmaphobia movie lmao.

in the secret underground operating room that hasn't been opened in over 70 years there's just... like... a window right there. it's one of them basement windows, and it's very prominent in the night vision shots (and only in one of the non-night vision shots), and it's like, ok, this is supposed to be this scaaaary room where lots of atrocities happened that's has such a strong scary aura that no one has dared to even try to open the door in over 70 years, and... there's just a window right there. the production team could have covered that up, or shot around it (like they do in every non-night vision shot in this room), and instead they decided it should be super prominent in these shots, for some reason!

i cannae an hour and five minutes into this film they reveal it's part of the Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe Cinematic Universe

i get why the White Families Who Need A Fresh Start move into the suspiciously affordable giant houses, because like who wouldn't be willing to put up with spook 'em ups for a $450 a month mortgage payment, but this is a giant abandoned medical complex, why does that guy still own it, is he actually paying property taxes on this thing year in and year out, is he really paying the power bill every month like what's going on here, from a financial perspective.

i guess when there are only five characters in the movie you can't really be knocking them off too early, but imo the first death shouldn't have occurred in the last 13 minutes of the movie.

i kept flipping back and forth between "they're gonna get possessed" and "they're gonna go mad from all the spook 'em ups" but i'm kinda surprised that only Token Girl got possessed, it really seemed like they were teeing up Vape Guy for getting possessed by the doctor earlier on.

the story is intentionally ambiguous, but i think it's probably unintentional that the last theory we really get frames the Evil Rape Doctor as potentially doing a good thing when he performed an abortion on Main Ghost Girl.

set design is pretty rough, I realize they're filming inside this actual building, but the interior doesn't seem to have any particularly visually interesting locations, it's mostly just samey looking hallways.

(hilariously the movie ends with a stinger where a White Family is planning to move in)

Final Verdict: Mostly boring, you're better off watching the Jenny Nicholson video on Paranormal Home Inspectors, or episodes of Paranormal Home Inspectors, or playing Phantasmaphobia, or watching VODs of your favorite streamers playing Phantasmaphobia.

I do think the idea of a Ghost Hunting show that's like, half Ghost Hunting and half scripted Soap Opera drama with the hunters would be pretty entertaining though.

Tonight's Crappy Tubi Horror Movie: Harland Manor (2021)

"While documenting paranormal activity inside an abandoned boarding school for wayward girls, a ghost hunting team realizes they’ve become the hunted."

Within the first five minutes we've had a Cold Open set 37 years in the past, jumped forward to introduce our ill-fated ghost hunters en route to the haunted house (apparently they have both photographic and audio evidence that the place is haunted already), and then for some reason it transitions into a montage with an aggressively loud ballad playing. In the montage we learn: Our main character is getting divorced, Vape Guy seems to be the only one focused on work, Token Girl (she identifies herself as such) is probably nailing one of the guys on the crew.

they have the characters staring slack jawed at this building as if it doesn't look like one of the lower tier frat houses at a state school

The scariest thing about this movie so far is how bad this crew is at filming. The current owner of the house is giving a lore dump about every bad thing that has ever happened there and he isn't miked, and Vape Guy (who I guess is the camera man) only seems to be filming about half the time, and of the actual filming time he isn't actually shooting the owner he's just, like, filming the ceiling or mirrors or whatever.

Love that they're using this as the "secret passage the doctor put in so he could sneak into the girls dorm" when it's very clearly just a regular ass hallway. I appreciate that lower budget movies usually have to use what they have wrt locations, but perhaps they should not have left this scene in the dark to try and obscure that it's just a regular ass hallway instead of showing a night vision mode on Vape Guy's camera.

Judging by the year this was released I think this is supposed to be an unlicensed Phantasmaphobia movie lmao.

in the secret underground operating room that hasn't been opened in over 70 years there's just... like... a window right there. it's one of them basement windows, and it's very prominent in the night vision shots (and only in one of the non-night vision shots), and it's like, ok, this is supposed to be this scaaaary room where lots of atrocities happened that's has such a strong scary aura that no one has dared to even try to open the door in over 70 years, and... there's just a window right there. the production team could have covered that up, or shot around it (like they do in every non-night vision shot in this room), and instead they decided it should be super prominent in these shots, for some reason!

i cannae an hour and five minutes into this film they reveal it's part of the Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe Cinematic Universe

i get why the White Families Who Need A Fresh Start move into the suspiciously affordable giant houses, because like who wouldn't be willing to put up with spook 'em ups for a $450 a month mortgage payment, but this is a giant abandoned medical complex, why does that guy still own it, is he actually paying property taxes on this thing year in and year out, is he really paying the power bill every month like what's going on here, from a financial perspective.

Tonight's Crappy Tubi Horror Movie: Harland Manor (2021)

"While documenting paranormal activity inside an abandoned boarding school for wayward girls, a ghost hunting team realizes they’ve become the hunted."

Within the first five minutes we've had a Cold Open set 37 years in the past, jumped forward to introduce our ill-fated ghost hunters en route to the haunted house (apparently they have both photographic and audio evidence that the place is haunted already), and then for some reason it transitions into a montage with an aggressively loud ballad playing. In the montage we learn: Our main character is getting divorced, Vape Guy seems to be the only one focused on work, Token Girl (she identifies herself as such) is probably nailing one of the guys on the crew.

they have the characters staring slack jawed at this building as if it doesn't look like one of the lower tier frat houses at a state school

The scariest thing about this movie so far is how bad this crew is at filming. The current owner of the house is giving a lore dump about every bad thing that has ever happened there and he isn't miked, and Vape Guy (who I guess is the camera man) only seems to be filming about half the time, and of the actual filming time he isn't actually shooting the owner he's just, like, filming the ceiling or mirrors or whatever.

Love that they're using this as the "secret passage the doctor put in so he could sneak into the girls dorm" when it's very clearly just a regular ass hallway. I appreciate that lower budget movies usually have to use what they have wrt locations, but perhaps they should not have left this scene in the dark to try and obscure that it's just a regular ass hallway instead of showing a night vision mode on Vape Guy's camera.

Judging by the year this was released I think this is supposed to be an unlicensed Phantasmaphobia movie lmao.

in the secret underground operating room that hasn't been opened in over 70 years there's just... like... a window right there. it's one of them basement windows, and it's very prominent in the night vision shots (and only in one of the non-night vision shots), and it's like, ok, this is supposed to be this scaaaary room where lots of atrocities happened that's has such a strong scary aura that no one has dared to even try to open the door in over 70 years, and... there's just a window right there. the production team could have covered that up, or shot around it (like they do in every non-night vision shot in this room), and instead they decided it should be super prominent in these shots, for some reason!

i cannae an hour and five minutes into this film they reveal it's part of the Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe Cinematic Universe

Tonight's Crappy Tubi Horror Movie: Harland Manor (2021)

"While documenting paranormal activity inside an abandoned boarding school for wayward girls, a ghost hunting team realizes they’ve become the hunted."

Within the first five minutes we've had a Cold Open set 37 years in the past, jumped forward to introduce our ill-fated ghost hunters en route to the haunted house (apparently they have both photographic and audio evidence that the place is haunted already), and then for some reason it transitions into a montage with an aggressively loud ballad playing. In the montage we learn: Our main character is getting divorced, Vape Guy seems to be the only one focused on work, Token Girl (she identifies herself as such) is probably nailing one of the guys on the crew.

they have the characters staring slack jawed at this building as if it doesn't look like one of the lower tier frat houses at a state school

The scariest thing about this movie so far is how bad this crew is at filming. The current owner of the house is giving a lore dump about every bad thing that has ever happened there and he isn't miked, and Vape Guy (who I guess is the camera man) only seems to be filming about half the time, and of the actual filming time he isn't actually shooting the owner he's just, like, filming the ceiling or mirrors or whatever.

Love that they're using this as the "secret passage the doctor put in so he could sneak into the girls dorm" when it's very clearly just a regular ass hallway. I appreciate that lower budget movies usually have to use what they have wrt locations, but perhaps they should not have left this scene in the dark to try and obscure that it's just a regular ass hallway instead of showing a night vision mode on Vape Guy's camera.

Judging by the year this was released I think this is supposed to be an unlicensed Phantasmaphobia movie lmao.

in the secret underground operating room that hasn't been opened in over 70 years there's just... like... a window right there. it's one of them basement windows, and it's very prominent in the night vision shots (and only in one of the non-night vision shots), and it's like, ok, this is supposed to be this scaaaary room where lots of atrocities happened that's has such a strong scary aura that no one has dared to even try to open the door in over 70 years, and... there's just a window right there. the production team could have covered that up, or shot around it (like they do in every non-night vision shot in this room), and instead they decided it should be super prominent in these shots, for some reason!

Tonight's Crappy Tubi Horror Movie: Harland Manor (2021)

"While documenting paranormal activity inside an abandoned boarding school for wayward girls, a ghost hunting team realizes they’ve become the hunted."

Within the first five minutes we've had a Cold Open set 37 years in the past, jumped forward to introduce our ill-fated ghost hunters en route to the haunted house (apparently they have both photographic and audio evidence that the place is haunted already), and then for some reason it transitions into a montage with an aggressively loud ballad playing. In the montage we learn: Our main character is getting divorced, Vape Guy seems to be the only one focused on work, Token Girl (she identifies herself as such) is probably nailing one of the guys on the crew.

they have the characters staring slack jawed at this building as if it doesn't look like one of the lower tier frat houses at a state school

The scariest thing about this movie so far is how bad this crew is at filming. The current owner of the house is giving a lore dump about every bad thing that has ever happened there and he isn't miked, and Vape Guy (who I guess is the camera man) only seems to be filming about half the time, and of the actual filming time he isn't actually shooting the owner he's just, like, filming the ceiling or mirrors or whatever.

picked a bunch of mandrakes the other day

I drew cats from stardew valley :D

kofi | commissions | instagram

the dick must be insane

all the new god portraits (so far) in hades 2 !!!

Not gonna say it again

i should get some sort of small sculpture to focus on while i meditate, and maybe i should attribute mystical properties to it as well

This one looks good.

exactly the kinda thing i was thinking of. i bet with a smart publicity campaign we could get one of these in everybody's bedroom, and maybe make a whole load of cash too

hey has anyone noticed all the monsters lately

I think kafka’s diaries are the strongest evidence that journaling is not necessarily good for your mental health

it's because he didn't use washi tape

original url http://www.geocities.com/hjortursigfusvon/

last modified 2007-12-15 16:00:28