Studying for a better future

i always mean it when i say i love you btw

‘but thats a stranger you dont know’ and i love them. i love that they exist and i love that they passed through my life. and i love u too btw

August will be filled with happiness.

August will be filled with blessings.

August will be filled with positivity.

August will be filled with progress.

August will be filled with kindness.

August will be filled with opportunity.

August will be filled with love.

despite everything …. I’m grateful I got a chance to be alive… to experience love and good food and sunsets. isn’t that the point of it all really

the commodification of friendship is the most annoying thing to come out of the internet in ages. like actually i love to break this to you but you're supposed to help your friends move even if it's hard work. or stay up with them when they're sad even if you're gonna lose sleep. you're supposed to listen to their fears and sorrows even if it means your own mind takes on a little bit of that weight. that's how you know that you care. they will drive you to the airport and then you will make them soup when they're sick. you're supposed to make small sacrifices for them and they are supposed to do that for you. and there's actually gonna be rough patches for both of you where the balance will be uneven and you will still be friends and it will not be unhealthy and they will not be abusive. life is not meant to be an endless prioritization of our own comfort if it was we would literally never get anywhere ever. jesus.

sleep tight is such a cute thing to say to someone. like ok maybe i will. maybe ill be a sweet little roly poly all tucked into my softest blanket. im a little baby bird with my beak under my wing im the coziest boy there ever was. what about it. “sleep tight” i love u.

the one problem i have with people my age and younger is that a lot of us do not have hands on hobbies. like i have spoken to so many people my age who go to work, go to school and then fuck around on their phone/computer for hours and then ???????? like no wonder ur depressed and have low confidence in urself. u need to get ur hands on something, feed those dopamine receptors! learn how to play guitar, garden, scrapbook, fucking make model trains. i don’t give a shit, MAKE SOMETHING!!

it feels better than drugs when i finish making a thing—and then show it off or gift it.

and then so people my age say to me ‘well—i can’t draw/paint/knit/etc. like you can. my stuff would be terrible.’ yeah, well duh—a part of developing skill is sucking at something and then practicing it over and over and over again until you suck less. u’ll have a hard time feeling lonely or bored when you can’t stop thinking abt a technique you want to try or something you want to make for someone else. making things has SAVED MY LIFE. it gave me a reason to keep living day after day when i wanted to die.

making things improved my generational relationships (when i worked for the newspaper i would talk to customers abt jamming recipes or cross-stitch, one of my grandmas always gives me pattern books and tell me abt when she knitted things for mom, my other grandma is giving me a wedding quilt that HER grandma gave her 50 years ago because she knows i will appreciate it). it also got me likeminded friends who also make things.

take a ceramics class! pick up water colors, bake cakes! learn to work on cars! make soap. DO SOMETHING THAT DOESN’T INVOLVE STARING AT A SCREEN.

life is for taking therapeutic walks and being in your own bubble and reading books in bed and drinking iced beverages and eating fruit and gaining new experiences and dozing in sunlight and finding love in everything and not letting guilt consume your life actually

there are like five rules to life and those rules are

1. eat 3 meals a day & keep a snack on u

2. always have a non alcoholic drink with you

3. never trust anything you think about your life after 8-9pm

4. do a little something for urself every day

5. interact with a Beast at least once a day (human, feline, canine, lizard, bird, etc)

and the secret 6th rule:

6. if you can't do all of those rules, just do the ones you can

sending love out tonight to everyone who is progressively losing their abilities, whether that's movement, ability to walk, eyesight, or hearing.

it's hard to come to terms with the fact that you can't do things that you used to be able to do. I'll be honest, it feels like you're losing control of your life. it can feel very isolating and hopeless. its scary and overwhelming, and it's so hard to deal with.

you are not less than just because you can do less. im proud of you for still being here, and i wish you ease with adjusting to new ways of life. please take care of yourself, i love you.

if you're reading this i hope you sleep well the next time you rest. i hope you have good dreams and wake up refreshed. i hope your worries ease.

in my defense, your honor, i am sleepy

you’re allowed to watch your fav tv show, even if you have to study.

you’re allowed to take a little longer to prepare some food, even if you have to study.

you’re allowed to go to sleep early, even if you have to study.

you’re allowed to meet with a friend, even if you have to study.

you’re allowed to do other things, even if you have to study.

Sending love to anyone struggling this Father’s Day

1/3/2021//

I guess someone wants attention 💁🏼‍♀️

[ID: two photos of gardens with pink and white flowers. they have white block letters on top, saying "some things are very scary" and "i will ride the bus and be so so gentle to myself"]