Well, i’m back
Hi cutie
oyyy
This weeks been testing me so here’s a sad clown
thinking about the time they sent me a seven year old autistic patient to investigate if he was suffering abuse because in every psychological test he kept drawing awful monsters
and I start the consultation already miserable as fuck and I give the kid some pen and paper so I can maybe communicate and see what's on his mind
and then I go WAIT A GODDAMN SECOND I KNOW THOSE MONSTERS
turns out the kid just had a special interest in Five Nights at Freddy's
I pointed at the monster and went "That's Freddy!" and I've never seen a kid that ecstatic in my life
the mom looked at me as if her son and I belonged at the same satanic cult and that's why I knew the names of the demons in his head
I wrote back to psychologist like "I'm not sure how to explain this but looking up five nights at freddys might bring you progress with this patient"
at some point the nurses realized the autistic children and I were like, Really Vibing
so they decided to highkey just appoint all of them to my day and it took me almost a month to realize that the fact that I kept arriving and finding that all of today’s appointments were autistic children was Not A Coincidence
anyway this one time there was a kid who was really into christianity but it was like, specifically angels
so I’m trying to start up a conversation with him and I ask what he’s reading and he goes “do you know what a nephilim is”
and like for one hellish second my soul is suckerpunched out of my body and thrown straight into supernatural-fanfic-on-wattpad hell, and then I reassume control of my flesh prison, ignoring the mental edits of Dean and Castiel making out, and go “Aren’t those the guys who are half human and half angel?”
and the kid was so fucking happy but the mom was staring at me like ‘why are you privy to this bit of occult jesus lore’
and my heathen lesbian of a self just looks at her and goes
“i love bible”
google help me
the thing is, stephen king is generally pretty good at creating complex, well-rounded characters, which makes it all the more jarring when one of those characters abruptly comes out with what i'll term a "kingism". i don't know how best to define a kingism other than "you'll know it when you see it". it's the voice of the author intruding on the voice of the character, and in this case the voice of the author has a bad sense of humour and is ravenously, inexplicably horny
random example of a kingism aka "he would not fucking say that"
this too is a kingism
one of the hallmarks of a kingism is that when a character is being Horny On Main (or In Maine), they can never do it in a normal way. they have to come up with a sequence of words that nobody has ever said before in the history of the english language. here's another example:
i'm starting a collection
My body is like a temple. Well, more like a Catholic church. Full of wine and bread.
and guilt
Schrodinger’s Nap: where you are both too tired to do things and awake enough to not fall asleep so you just lie in bed with your eyes closed suffering.
H-h-honk honk hooonk!
#грибы #лес #природа #mushroom #mushrooms #forest #wood #nature