we survive.

“You’d be surprised. This has been life for many folks for a long time… Hell, parents teach their kids how to handle a rifle by age six. It’s strange, but… Hey, I’ve seen kids who can shoot a bloodbug from ten feet away.”

As he looted one of the ghoul’s corpse’s, he slowly pulled out a baby rattle from it’s pocket and frowned absently at it, turning the toy and looking sadly at the blood smeared on the plastic. Ghouls were strange creatures… Glimpses of their lives could be identified in their hands and pockets… Some feral ghouls were reluctant to attack, and it broke Nick’s heart to see their humanity stripped from them.

All because of a damn war.

“… It’s hard to believe that these ghouls were once people. People with families… Kids.”

{ "You know what I mean -- I-I wasn't raised like the people are now and I wasn't very.. Well, courageous. I preferred sitting by and watching.."

Alexandra trailed off slightly when she looked towards Nick, eyes catching sight of the baby rattle in his hand; one of her own absently drifting to her stomach and lingering for a few minutes, eyes dimming.

Making a soft noise after a moment, the young woman quickly looked away and turned her attention elsewhere before Nick could notice -- the last thing she wanted to do was worry him..

".. A-At least we've put them out of their misery. They can.. They'll be with them, now." }

“That’s the last of them.”

Nick stood over the dead ghouls, absently reloading his gun before tucking it back away into his trench-coat pocket. Frowning at the blood splatters on his fingers, he wiped the blood on his coat and wrinkled his nose up at the smell of rotting flesh and irradiated blood.

Turning back to Alex, he nodded at her and started to loot through the bodies for spare caps and bullets. “You did good. You really have picked up things quickly… Considering your situation.”

{ Despite the words of praise; Alexandra's hands still shook slightly as she held tightly onto the butt of the gun, eyes a little wider than usual and lips pressed into a thin line, small splatters of blood upon her cheeks.

Adjustment was a slow process, but the improvement from a few weeks ago was clear.

".. I -- I don't know how people can do this every day," Sighing shakily, the young woman tucked the gun through one of the loops on her trousers when she finally relaxed. "God.. I-If someone told me before I'd be shooting a gun at some point in my life I'd have laughed." }

“Well, I’m a little relieved to hear that. Carter suits you.”

That made things a little easier for Nick. Things could just stay the same and they could pretend that they’ve never had this conversation before… Even if it hurt to ignore the clear abuse she’d suffered, he had to do it for her own comfort. Besides, this was a chance for her to start a new life – the last thing she needed was painful memories of her old life before the bombs. Hopefully she’d grow more as a person.

“Well, Miss Carter. Shall we go shopping?”

{ With a weak smile upon her lips, Alexandra gave a meek nod. She knew that Nick hadn't meant to bring up bad memories -- she couldn't blame him for being curious about a wedding band and the clear lack of a husband next to her, and she appreciated the fact he wasn't pushing it. Instead, he was finding a way to make her more comfortable.

It was more than what most people had ever done.. Her mother had tried to help her, of course, but it was too late.

Bringing herself out of her thoughts, the young woman was quick to let Nick guide her as they left the office. }

Good work, Nick. You’ve upset her.

Nick’s thin brow creased and his lips tightened together as he watched the woman silently react to his words. It was fear, reservation and distance he saw in those eyes… It was terrible, but it was common for domestic abuse to happen… Especially before the war. Nick was never a man to resort to anger or violence himself; calm words and patience were the ways to get through to someone. Never violence.

He felt guilty for letting his curiousity get the best of him – he hadn’t meant to upset the poor girl. She’d been through so much already.

“Miss… Of course. Uh… What was your mother’s last name, if you don’t mind me asking?”

A maiden name… That will help her think less about it, right?

{ The relief that filled her from the change in topics was immediate; usually, people would try and look into things more.. When asked a question about their marriage before the war, Alexandra was always vague and specific about what details she gave away -- small, unassuming and nothing that would lead to suspicion.

After all, it was easy to lie about bruises when people already knew that you were clumsy.

Not that anyone would believe she was abused in the first place -- why marry your abuser, is what they would have asked. Why not leave?

".. It was Carter. The.. The one I gave you when we met, that's.. I-It was my momma's maiden name. She.. We changed it over to Carter after she left my father.." }

“Ah… You know, I never thought about it, really. Just took it on. Accepted it. I’ve always been using caps and… I don’t quite remember how dollar bills worked.”

Nick wasn’t too sure about dollar bills, it seemed like a very fragile material for money… Paper? It was flammable and could be torn easily; not a very wise material indeed.

But, he was still pondering on whether or not he should ask about the wedding band… She’d come out of the Vault of frozen test subjects, so surely her husband would be one of them, right…? He must still be alive in that Vault – just frozen.

“… I hope I’m not prying too much, but, uh… Couldn’t help but notice your wedding band. So, I suppose I should start calling you a ‘Mrs.’ now, eh?”

{ It took a moment for Alexandra to process Nick's question -- and, once she had, her smile dropped completely, grip tightening on the mug as her eyes darted towards the wedding band on her finger..

She had forgotten it was there.

The silence dragged on for a few minutes before Alexandra swallowed and nervously licked at her lips. Everyone else was dead and so was he. She should be happy -- but she was scared. Scared that he would somehow come back.

".. It's just Miss," Her voice came out softly, almost reserved. "Just.. Just Miss. Please." }

“Oh, well, whenever you’re ready, of course. I don’t mind lending a few caps if you cant afford a new dress.”

Nick admired that sweet smile – it really was something so sweet it reminded him of the past – before the war. Jenny had smiled very much like her, but… Alexandra’s eyes were dim. He’d already guessed that the girl had low self-esteem and barely any confidence in herself – and it was a mystery as to whether or not she had been married or had a child. Nick didn’t see any evidence that Alexandra had been pregnant in the past.

But, then he finally spotted it.

A wedding band.

Should he ask? Was it wise to bring up her husband? He was probably dead.

{ "Ah -- n-no, it's okay! I, um, I think I should have enough from what Ellie gave me.." Alexandra trailed off slightly, pausing. ".. Maybe I should.. count those before we go."

Nick had already done a lot for her; bringing her to the City, buying her food, allowing her to stay and sleep in his bed.. It was the kindest thing a man had ever done for her.

Something that she found saddening. A marriage was meant to be a happy thing, after all.

Then again.. Alexandra wasn't sure what a 'healthy' marriage was. Her own parents fought constantly before they worked through a divorce, and her own husband hadn't exactly been.. Loving. It was something that she regretted.

"I-I'll just, I'll finish off my coffee and then I'll count the bottle caps -- um, caps. It's just -- it's like a one dollar bill, right? The price equals the amount of caps needed?" }

“Flowers, huh? Well, can’t say I’ve shopped in the feminine section, but if I had to guess… Probably. There always seem to be a lot of those laundered dresses about in that little store.”

Nick was more of a suspenders-and-trench-coat kind of guy. He always had been, really. He had memories of wearing his long-sleeved shirt with the sleeves rolled up along with his black, elastic suspenders – especially so in the Boston summer heat… It wasn’t until winter where he’d break out his old trench coat. 

The real Nick Valentine had a knack for fashion, sure, not ‘Silver Shroud’ fashion, but definitely the detective fashion.

{ Alexandra visibally perked up at the possibility of there being something with flowers decorating it; before the bombs, she had picked up a love of flowers from her mother when she was a child, and it was something that she held dearly to her heart.

It had always offered a nice distraction from the things that were going on in her life, slowly integrating itself into what she wore in an attempt to keep herself happy.. Alexandra could remember fondly all the times she wore soft coloured summer dresses, sitting in the back garden and tending to her small flower beds as the radio played quietly in the background.

"W-When can we go --? I-I mean, if you're coming with me -- I, um, I might get lost if I go by myself, is all --" }

“Becky Fallon is a nice woman. Hell, she’s the one who helped me patch this old thing up,”

Gesturing to his trench-coat that was draped over his office chair, Nick smiled and patted it gently, “This coat’s been with me for a long time thanks to Becky. The patches aren’t just decoration. That’s wear for you.”

Chuckling fondly to himself, Nick picked the coat up and put it on, tucking it around his shoulders and looking towards Alexandra. “As for the coffee, I wouldn’t worry too much. Not as if you’re walking into the Glowing Sea.”

{ Alexandra had no idea what a Glowing Sea was, and by the sounds of it, she certainly wanted to keep it that way.

Taking a hesitant sip of her coffee, the woman held the mug in both hands, resting against the doorway slightly as she watched Nick put on his coat. It suited him, in all honesty; Alexandra could certainly see him as a Detective if he had been around before the bombs.. Perhaps someone that could have helped her, too.

Frowning a little as that thought entered her head, Alexandra shook her head to rid herself of it before looking at Nick once more, nodding slowly. ".. Do you think she'd have anything with flowers on it? I.. I like things with flowers on them. They're.. happy." }

“That might be the slight radiation your tasting. All crops seem to have a differed taste… Mostly because they’ve evolved through radiation and human consumption. At least, that’s what I’ve heard.”

Putting his hat back on his head, Nick slowly stood up and tightened his tie up around his dirtied white collar-shirt. “If you also wanted to get some new clothes, Ms. Carter, I know that Fallon’s basement do some nice clothes… Piper always seems to rave about how well-made the clothes are.”

{ ".. Radiation --? I-I won't get -- it won't make me ill or something, right? I-I mean, I'm assuming I won't if Ellie drinks it, but, still --"

Perhaps it was a silly thing to worry about; if Ellie and other humans drank or ate the things that 'evolved', then surely they would be safe for consumption.. But, it still made her slightly nervous. Being ill in a Wasteland didn't seem like such a good idea, after all.

Her nerves did settle slightly at having something else to think about, however; clothing. Alexandra had always been fond of flower-pattern clothes.. Maybe she could find some at this 'Fallon's'?

".. I-I wouldn't mind some new clothes.." }

“I’m sure Ellie probably brewed you some coffee… She’s considerate like that.”

Nick wondered whether or not the coffee that they had out here in the Commonwealth was the same as the coffee that they had before the bombs fell… Well, Nick knew it smelt the same, but… Did it taste the same? Sure, a lot of crops had been irradiated to hell, but there were a fair amount of crops that still managed to survive the radiation. Coffee beans were just a lot harder to grow.

“There’s probably some upstairs.”

{ "Coffee is still a thing..?"

Sounding almost hopeful, Alexandra was quick to move away and head towards the wooden stairs, going up them carefully. She was up there for a few minutes before eventually reappearing downstairs again, a chipped mug with some coffee in it in her hands. Breathing softly in relief, she took a small, careful sip of the hot liquid, humming after she did.

"Hm.. It.. It kind of tastes the same," She nods slowly, looking into the mug, "I-I'm not sure what the difference is, but.. It's pretty similar." }

“…”

Looking at the woman, Nick couldn’t help but notice more of her features in the glowing amber light. Freckled skin, her wind-swept hair…That, and… Well, she still looked too tired to be going out and doing things. It almost made Nick feel bad for even suggesting that she go out and get herself some armour.

Alexandra was indeed a sight to behold in the early morning – but… Those thoughts were inappropriate. No, he had no right to be thinking such things about her.

“You can spend a few more hours in bed if you like.”

{ "Noo -- no, no, I -- 'm okay, early bird catches the sun -- worm, catches the worm --"

Inwardly kicking herself for tripping over her words already; Alexandra gave Nick a sheepish smile, appearing slightly crooked on her face as slim fingers pushed her fringe back absently before running through her hair in an attempt to tame it.

"I just gotta -- need to wake myself up more. It's fine."

Usually, a cup of coffee would wake her right up -- but, she supposed that wasn't something she would find these days. }

“Ah. Ms. Carter. You’re awake.”

Nick perked up as he heard the young woman rise from her sleep in just the next room, leaning forward to peek into the room slightly. Well, he couldn’t see her, but the sound of a human yawn was unmistakeable. It made Nick smile to himself.

“I was actually thinking… We should get you some armour… You need to be protected out here.”

{ Armour..?

Alexandra blinked sleepily at the suggestion, glancing down at her Vault suit. He had a point -- the suit had done her well so far, but it wasn't exactly.. Comfortable if travelling for long periods of time; it clung to her body enough as it was, but adding sweat to that made it less bearable.

"Ah.. Y-Yeah, okay.." Slowly getting up, she shuffled over towards the door so she could look over at Nick, blue eyes betraying some of the tiredness she still felt before she yawned again, a hand covering her mouth, "Mm.. Sounds good.." }

When morning finally came, it felt like a sigh of relief for Nick. To hear Ellie stir from her sleep and come downstairs – grabbing her coat and telling Nick that she was off to get some breakfast. She was sweet enough to ask Nick if he wanted to join, but he politely declined.

As Ellie left, the synth quietly opened the holotape player, sliding it back into his trench pocket and taking off his hat. Leaning back in the old, wooden desk chair, it creaked as Nick exhaled and slide his hand over the top of his synthetic head. 

A new day back in Diamond City… Things never seemed to change.

{ The quiet noise of the city awakening caused Alexandra to stir slightly; mumbling softly in her sleep as she nuzzled into the pillow. It seemed she had started to hug it at some point in her sleep.. Something that she did quite often before the bombs.

Reluctantly opening her eyes, Alexandra's vision blurred briefly, causing her to make a small noise before reaching up to rub at them, releasing the pillow from her hold and slowly rolling onto her back.

She stayed that way for a few minutes, silent -- only moving to sit up when her vision was clear; hair messy from sleep and a quiet yawn drawing itself from her lips. }

The holotape clicked, silence soon following. The wires buzzing in the synth’s head was possibly the one thing he could only hear… That, and those memories. Those flashes of memories that were there to remind him that he wasn’t really Nicholas Valentine, but rather a clone – and unwanted copy.

That day… It was some time in June. The real Nick coming home to his telephone constantly chiming – he always ignored phone-calls after work… It was a promise to Jenny. Once his working day was done, it was done. But, it wasn’t long after that a few officers came knocking, grave expressions and soft voices… Jenny was dead. Murdered.

All that grief in the months to come… Perhaps the bombs falling was the only salvation to save Nick from all that grief and mourning. But… It was stuck with the synth – rattling in his mind and will do forever until his primitive functions come to a halt. That haunted the android.

Stubbing out the cigarette in the ashtray, Nick rolled the holotape back to the start, his bare-skeletal fingers hovering over the play button. He stared at his hand for a moment – his non-human hand – and closed his eyes.

The only way to make the grief go away was to find that bastard Eddie and kill him. Kill him like the filthy dog he is. For Jenny.

But, for now, all Nick could do was smoke, stare and listen. Perhaps that hurt more.

{ Alexandra stayed silent when the strange male voice had first began echoing around the room; keeping her breathing even and slow to keep up the image of sleeping, something that came as a second nature to her.

The things that the man were saying -- Eddie Winter -- seemed.. Odd, to her. But, then again, that could be due to Alexandra not having any insight to whatever was going on in Nick's mind as he replayed them over and over again.. And she certainly wouldn't pry into it -- even if she did feel the need to comfort him in some way.

Breathing a little shakily, the woman turned onto her side so that she faced the wall; curling up even more and reaching up a little to tug the pillow down slightly, gripping onto it tightly for some sort of comfort.

They each had their demons, she supposed. }

“No no. You should keep your caps. Besides, your new here. Vadim will most likely try to pull a joke on you… That’s his way.”

Guiding the woman back to his agency, Nick noticed that Ellie had already turned in work for the evening. Good thing Nick didn’t need to sleep – that meant he could stay up at all hours of the night.  Nick needed to catch up on the Eddie Winter case files, anyway.

“You can sleep in my bed. It hasn’t had any use. So… Feel free to sleep on it.”

{ "Well.. I-If you're sure.."

It would be rude to decline the offer, she supposed -- Alexandra felt slightly more comfortable with the idea at knowing that she wouldn't be intruding or over-stepping any unknown boundaries. Fidgeting slightly once they were inside; Alexandra gave a weak smile and a small nod, slowly making her way to the bed once she was shown where it was. It looked comfortable enough.. Not that she would complain if it wasn't; she was thankful to rest somewhere.

Slowly settling onto the bed, she took off her shoes out of politeness and set them aside before laying down; a soft sigh of relief escaping her pink lips as her aching muscles began to relax, exhaustion fully making itself known as she closed her eyes and curled up on her side. }

“Sometimes I wonder what it’s like to be human… But, when you put things like that, it makes me a little glad to be a synth. Not having to worry about those sorts of things.”

Although, it did make Nick want to be human. To experience the little things in a human’s life… Hunger, sleepiness and that human desire. Memories… That was all he had as far as experience went – but that wasn’t nearly enough.

“Well, nothing’s wrong with getting an early night. You can stay in my agency for as long as you need to… Like I said, I don’t really sleep.”

{ "It.. It isn't the greatest. O-Or, not all the time, anyway --"

There were some things in life that Alexandra wished she could have avoided experiencing or feeling. Being a human had its perks, of course; but in the long run, most things left her feeling broken and useless. It wasn't fun.

"An early night sounds good, though," She spoke softly, "b-but, I mean -- I can stay at the Inn, I wouldn't, I don't want to intrude on your space or anything!" }