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constantly sleepy

@little-butterfly-writes / little-butterfly-writes.tumblr.com

I'm a fanfic writer for MLQC and MysMes. I swear sometimes. Header by @luxielle PFP by @caesurables (check them out) Masterlist Pinned - Asks Open/Requests close
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An anniversary, of sorts…

So many stories these days start out, “well, it was a pandemic and…” but, yeah, it was the pandemic and….

Anyway recently, I was poking through some of the files on my phone when I realized that two years ago this month (after three months of quarantine/WFH), I was playing a puzzle game on my phone, clicked on a free advert, which turned out to be for Ikemen Sengoku. I normally just click through these things… I’d tried to play a couple other romance/story apps before, and none of them had held my interest. This one looked more intriguing, and I thought, “what the hell… if it sucks, I can always delete it.”

Two years, many new friendships, and about 300,000 words of fanfic later… (I didn’t delete).

So, here’s to some of my favorite Ikesen men:

Takeda Shingen… that smart, strategic, sneaky, flirty, emotionally intelligent hunk. Come for the beefcake, stay for the brains. I’m a sucker for a they-rescue-each-other trope, and at the core, that what his story is. The adult amongst all the Kasugayama crazies, the one who knows how to solve everyone else’s problems, but ignores his own until it’s too late. Thank you, Shingen, for being the best muse I’ve ever had. Or, well the best muse since Luke Skywalker (but that’s another story). Maybe I just like a man who can swing a big sword?

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idk this is like your daily reminder that friendships are still relationships that can be abusive and we should really be doing more to normalize that so that people don't get stuck being isolated and manipulated by people who pretend to care about them but don't face scrutiny because the nature of the abuse isn't romantic.

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Every so often, I can't help but think about all the dirty jobs Saeyoung had to do during his time as an agent. I'm not talking about the usual digital crime stuff he feels comfortable enough to mention openly. I'm talking of those missions he'd rather just shut up and never speak a word about. What about all the missions that went wrong for him, back when he was still young and inexperienced?

The fact that he has blood on his hands is apparent to us. But, do you ever think about whether or not he was forced to kill an innocent? Be it by some cruel accident or by direct order from the higher ups he had no choice but to obey? Have you ever thought of him having to make a quick elimination on yet another corrupt member of society, only to realize that his family, who has nothing to do with this, had seen him?

Have you ever thought about him doing everything he can to fix this: coming up with shaky lies on the spot, attempting to fabricate evidence, eventually resorting to pitiful begging that goes nowhere. But there should not be any witnesses. It's too late to turn back now. He got sloppy. His DNA is already on the scene of the crime. If he refuses, he not only puts his own safety at risk, but these people will get eliminated regardless. The least he can do is make it quick and painless. Have you ever thought of him still having to come back to his sad parody of a home and pretend like everything is fine? Like this was just another Tuesday, and not one of the most sickening things he had to do and witness?

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I normally don’t talk about my personal life but this I wanted to share because it’s special to me.

I’m lucky enough to still have a grandparent who is alive and to have met 3 of my great grandparents as well.

My grandpa came to visit today, and we were talking and he said to me, every time he sees me, he sees more and more of my Gran (great grandmother on my mother’s side) and my grandma (my mother’s mom and my grandpa’s former wife who passed in 99) in me and that makes him happy because they were both fiery women who didn’t back down.

But here is the thing. I didn’t get to where I am alone, I’ve been pushed, supported, coaxed, reminded it’s okay and a whole bunch of other things by my good friends both on and offline.

I’ve been told I am the one who did the heavy lifting and sure I have, but I had the support to do the heavy lifting.

And there is no greater compliment to me than my grandpa who loved my grandma so much and is still grieving her loss 24 years later, to tell me he sees her in me, and sees her mother in me.

I don’t have many memories left of my Gran and grandma but the ones I do have, are beyond precious to me. So I hope I can do these two amazing women I had the honour of spending time with and loving with my whole heart as family justice.

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I normally don’t talk about my personal life but this I wanted to share because it’s special to me.

I’m lucky enough to still have a grandparent who is alive and to have met 3 of my great grandparents as well.

My grandpa came to visit today, and we were talking and he said to me, every time he sees me, he sees more and more of my Gran (great grandmother on my mother’s side) and my grandma (my mother’s mom and my grandpa’s former wife who passed in 99) in me and that makes him happy because they were both fiery women who didn’t back down.

But here is the thing. I didn’t get to where I am alone, I’ve been pushed, supported, coaxed, reminded it’s okay and a whole bunch of other things by my good friends both on and offline.

I’ve been told I am the one who did the heavy lifting and sure I have, but I had the support to do the heavy lifting.

And there is no greater compliment to me than my grandpa who loved my grandma so much and is still grieving her loss 24 years later, to tell me he sees her in me, and sees her mother in me.

I don’t have many memories left of my Gran and grandma but the ones I do have, are beyond precious to me. So I hope I can do these two amazing women I had the honour of spending time with and loving with my whole heart as family justice.

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