Onotriel

writing tip #254: call your characters whatever you want because nobody can stop you. take my character Mike Rowhave.

microwave.

his name is microwave-- and believe it or not, this is entirely legal.

Some writers: *meticulously plan out every plot point and the tone and meanings before they start writing*

Me:

“How’s your WIP going?”

"Have you made any progress?”

“How close are you to being done?”

the feminine urge to move far away and become a different person

So when Jesus rises from his grave everyone rejoices and it becomes a holiday but when I, Count Dracula-

one time this nondescript guy came into my dunkin donuts and ordered a small black coffee with blueberry flavor shot, and for some reason that peculiar order stuck with me so much that when, seven months later, i saw him in the parking lot walking towards the door, i quickly made a small black coffee with blueberry flavor shot. he ordered it and i was already holding it. 

i would describe his demeanor that second time as “incredulous”

What the fuck who drinks that

it’s such a perfectly bonkers order because like, most unusual orders are maximalist and sugary but this one just combines the most basic drink with the most incongruous little add-on. it’s the order of a simple, regular man who has something wrong with him

this post always makes me laugh. this guy has the weirdest drink order and he probably never goes to this dunkin’ if it took seven months for the barista to see him again. so think about a coffee shop you go to so little you’re not even sure if you’ve gone there before and you walk in and the barista hands you the drink you were about to order before you even ordered it. he will remember that for the rest of his life

“it’s the order of a simple, regular man who has something wrong with him” gets me every time.

I think another reason I love having cats is bc with people you gotta hold yourself back and not be a smothering over-affectionate creep, but with cats you can just hold them up and be like "I LOVE I LOVE I LOVE YOU" and kiss their little paws, and all they do back is meow at you

I LOVE YOU! YOU ARE MY SMALL ANIMAL! I LOVE YOU!

on a dark & stormy night, there was a creature . & you’re never going to beleive what it did next

it creached

Every 21st century piece of writing advice: Make us CARE about the character from page 1! Make us empathize with them! Make them interesting and different but still relatable and likable!

Every piece of classic literature: Hi. It's me. The bland everyman whose only purpose is to tell you this story. I have no actual personality. Here's the story of the time I encountered the worst people I ever met in my life. But first, ten pages of description about the place in which I met them.

Modern writing advice: Yes your protagonist should have flaws but ultimately we should root for them and like them from the beginning :)

Charles Dickens: Here is the worst ugliest rudest meanest nastiest bitch you’ve ever met in your life.

Modern writing advice: Make sure your POV character goes through a significant arc! Make sure they are changed by the narrative! Make sure they learn a lesson!

Narrators of every book of the 19th century: the lesson I learned is these people fucking suck, sayonara you freaks

Modern writing advice: It’s all about the character overcoming obstacles and learning! They learn their lesson so they can fix their mistakes and make good choices in the future! It’s a character arc! It’s called growth! Readers love it!

Everyone from ancient times through the 19th century: would you like to watch a Guy fuck up twenty times in a row

Reblogging things I like feels a lot more goblinesque than upvoting ever did. The upvotes felt like "hmm yes, I approve *golf claps*" while reblogging feels like furtively staring at something before shoving it in your mouth and scurrying back underneath the nearest piece of furniture.

Which isn't to say that I don't like it. But I definitely find myself going "maybe I shouldn't reblog this because I've already reblogged a bunch of things today and I don't want to look like I don't have a life," I say as I close the app and reopen it like one of those little automatic box toys with the switches.

reblog if you:

- are aromantic and want to kill

- think aromantic people should be allowed to kill

- think fish are pretty cool

One day, Clark is bored at work so he messages Bruce saying as much, hoping they could talk for a bit to help pass the time.

What he did not expect was for Bruce to tweet 'ostriches arn't real'.

The office becomes alive with activity. Perry marches over and tells Clark to write an article about how one of the richest men in the world does not believe a bird exists.

The interview?

Clark Kent: "Would you care to elaborate on what you meant about not believing ostriches exist?"

Bruce Wayne: "No."

Others then ask Bruce what his thoughts on other birds are. Penguins? Real. Flamingos? Not real. Pigeons? Some are, some arn't. It depends.

On the upside Clark's afternoon became a whole lot less boring. On the downside there is now a Twitter account called 'BirdsBruceWThinksArntReal'.

“robins?” clark asks as the last question.  “robins aren’t birds.” 

You CANNOT leave such a BRILLIANT addition in the tags

They’re best friends your honor. But Bruce is the friend that would gladly message Clark pics of the horrors™️ he found online.

This is a genuine question. When you are over stressed and need to cool down (you know, those moments when everything is just too much) what do you do to feel better?

I'm asking because I find myself a lot lately that I'm uncomfortable, and stressed out, and everything feels wrong, and I'm so blocked out that I honestly don't know what my body or mind needs. So I thought I'd ask for opinions and suggestions. So...

For me, it varies. Sometimes I need one thing on the list, sometimes another. Sometimes I don’t know what I need and try multiple options in hope that something will help. And sometimes I just grit my teeth and wait it out.

Best of wishes, OP.

Why is this so funny