Blocked

Parried

BLOOD AND BONE

everyone knows dragons aren’t real. any scientist will tell you that tales of giant flying beasts wreaking havoc from the sky is a total made up myth for little babies and also it’s not true.

but today, I’m going to let you in on a little secret:

scientists can be liars sometimes.

welcome to an all-new episode of Weird Biology and today, you are going to learn about a fucking dragon.

FIRE AND BLOOD! FIRE AND BLOOD! FIRE AND BLOOD!

even though it looks like a creature straight out of medieval myth, the Bearded Vulture is (allegedly) a bird! also called the Lämmergeier or Ossifrage (both metal as shit but difficult to pronounce), the Bearded Vulture can be found in mountain ranges across Europe and Asia.

but before we get much further, I need to give you a proper sense of scale. Bearded Vultures have wingspans of up to nine feet, weigh up to 17 pounds and can be almost four feet tall. 

this fucking thing is at eye-level to a third grader.

like 8-year-olds don’t have enough problems already. jesus.

and not only are they fucking huge, they’re they’re also smart. like, crows are smart, right? imagine a four foot tall crow with knives for feet, the face of a velociraptor and a sheer delight in anarchy. that’s the Bearded Vulture. 

Bearded Vultures have complex social structures and advanced personal relations, but their intelligence shines best in the way they hunt.

yes, hunt. most vultures on the planet will only deign to eat things that have already died on their own, but the Bearded Vulture will sometimes… cut out the middleman. so to speak.

and then they eat him.

unlike other birds of prey, Bearded Vultures don’t rely on their claws to get a meal. instead, they have adopted a much more efficient and game-breaking method.

imagine you’re hiking alone through the mountains when suddenly HOLY SHIT a feathery dragon swoops out of nowhere and knocks you right the fuck off a cliff to your tragic and untimely death. it sounds like something from a Game of Thrones episode, but this regularly happens to tortoises, goats, and and in one really strange instance a monitor lizard. 

nobody ever said nature was nice.

after the prey has met its doom via physics engine abuse, the Bearded Vulture swoops down for a meal and is promptly sued by George R. R. Martin for copyright violation.

(ha ha! this was a joke! a funny joke! PLEASE DO NOT SUE ME, MR. MARTIN!)

seriously though, one of the most interesting and alarming aspects of the Bearded Vulture (out of many, so many) is their diet. once they have either found or “helped make” a carcass, they get down to business: they eat the bones, and only the bones.

that’s probably the most metal fact I’ve ever listed about a bird and I have listed a LOT of bird facts.

it’s right there in the name, “Ossifrage”, which means “bone-breaker”. (and that’s the SECOND most metal fact I’ve ever listed about a bird, by the way.) 

Bearded Vultures are the only bird whose diet is almost exclusively bones. like, we’re talking 85%-90% here. it’s a very high number. 

they swallow smaller bones whole, and crack the larger ones open by abusing physics again and flinging them off cliffs. it’s worth all that effort for the sweet sweet bone marrow hidden inside.

probably means they never have to worry about calcium deficiencies, either.

but most importantly, it means that Bearded Vultures have little to no direct competition! this cool bone-eating trick means that they’re the only predators in the area even interested in the stupid things. every other scavenger only wants the soft parts, meager fools that they are.

the only thing that a Bearded Vulture really needs to worry about is other Bearded Vultures. (and humans, but more on that later.) to ward other vultures off, they rub red dirt into their feathers and perform elaborate threat displays. the deeper and more visceral the red, the higher-status the vulture.

you can experience this effect yourself! simply dunk yourself in stage blood and then board your nearest public transportation device. the best seat is instantly yours! provided that nobody else is bloodier than you.

but all of this ridiculous dragon bullshit comes with a price.

in the middle ages, humans in europe were convinced that Bearded Vultures would: a) eat their sheep, and b) carry off and eat small children. (they were right about the sheep thing, to be fair.)

but because of these beliefs, frightened parents hunted down and slaughtered Bearded Vultures wherever they found them. and it turns out even an avian dragon is no match for projectile weapons.

the Bearded Vulture population in the Alps was completely wiped out by the 18th century. 

nothing motivates multiple generations of a human population like “THIS THING WILL EAT MY CHILDREN”.

but there is good news! Bearded Vultures are much more appreciated these days, and they have been successfully reintroduced to the Alps. they’re still going strong in the Himalayas, and also Ethiopia.

let’s hope these real-world dragons stick around and terrorize future generations of humans with their blood red feathers and horrific table manners. 

FIRE AND BLOOD! FIRE AND BLOOD! FIRE AND BLOOD!

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thanks for reading! you can find the rest of the Weird Biology series here.

if you enjoy my work, maybe buy me a coffee or check out my Patreon to see extra content and support Weird Biology.

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IMAGE SOURCES

img1- Indiana Times img2- he.wikipedia.org img3- birdpictures.pro img4- Mother Nature Network img5- Mike Watson img6- itv.com img7- Korkeasaari Zoo img8- Wired img9- inews.co.uk

I take immense psychic damage from the united states election cycle

Bad Ideas for Minecraft Updates

You had fun? It was fun.

I have a lot of mixed feelings about Endgame but I unequivocally loved this scene. Because Tony’s not treating this as a joke. Nebula has zero context for competition for the sake of fun. She has never handled competition with no stakes, she’s clearly taking this way too seriously. And Tony recognizes this, and he’s not mocking, he’s not telling her she’s doing it wrong by not relaxing. He’s letting her find her feet, affirming her successes, congratulaing her when she wins. Yeah, Tony can be a dick, but here, as in so many other moments, we see him reaching out. 

I like this scene too, especially because Tony, who is not exactly the world’s most laid-back competitor, 100% let her win. He flubbed the second punt to give her a chance to win and played it totally straight. Not only because it’s obviously important to her but also because it’s just…more fun if the kid wins. 

While I had mixed feelings this is one of the scenes that I want to bundle up in a blanket and keep safe forever. 

Tony is like a Gordon Ramsay of the heros; He’s a dick to everyone who thinks that they’re competent but aren’t and he is the softest to those who need it and who are trying their best.

Aziraphale as text posts I’ve collected recently

Crowley version

me @ AO3

You wanna know a secret tho? You can.

You can leave as many as you want and it’ll show up. I’ll see your name four times in the kudos list when you clicked it four times. That little note is just there to remind you that you’ve already done it.

wait whAT

PSA PSA PSA PSA

the sun set before 5pm today moodboard

no november. it just doesn’t happen

I think realizing that canon is fake is very freeing actually

Like genuinely all fiction is equally fake and real simultaneously. The author is dead and I'm getting my inheritance

how embarrassing

if you are in high school and you follow me idc if you learn nothing else from me, but learn this: do not join the fucking military. they will promise you all sorts of things in exchange for joining their muder-system for a few years. do not listen to them. you won’t find a sense of purpose, you won’t find an adventure, you might not even get the money they promise you for college. if you survive, you’ll come back with blood on your hands, feeling just as aimless as before except knowing you’re a killer. the government will drop you like hot potatoes the second you are not useful to them, and you will be on your own with nothing but some ptsd and a more intimate understanding of the phrase “blood for oil.”

They also have a way of targeting POC as well as those who are in a family that isn’t doing well financially. Be wary of any and all recruiters.

Read this thread if you wanna know what the military does to people

I also recommend the podcast What a Hell of a Way to Die, which is by two men who joined the military very young, (one of them was 17) and then became very leftist socialists after seeing it for what it really is. They cover a lot of topics like anti imperialism, military propaganda, fascism, and talk about all if it from a perspective I haven’t heard before.

They did an episode about this topic pretty recently, titled Recruiting 16-Year-Olds: Patriotic Child Grooming.

It’s a sad upsetting subject to be on my blog but one I want to boost. Military service ruins more lives than it can ever protect and veterans have among the highest rates of homelessness and suicide. They will not take care of you once you cease to be useful.

The only exception is the Coast Guard, which is under the Department of Homeland Security, not the DoD. They do a hell of a lot of rescues, oil spill clean up, ship inspections (which can unearth drug and human trafficking or violations that can hurt the health of the crew, many crews are exploited by their employers, who don’t care about providing safe conditions), and the more combat-based stuff is a very specific thing to try to get into.

I’ve got a best friend in the guard and most of her career so far has been rescues, inspections, and oil clean up, and she’s had a lot of control over her career track to be able to choose those things by picking a track in A-school.  

It’s one of the only branches of the military that can actually provide what they promise (which is why it’s one of the most choosy about who gets in, since they’re looking for people suited for service and not looking to exploit absolutely any bodies they can get their hands on).

That’s not to say that there aren’t tracks in it that are sketch, but the majority of what they do fills genuine needs for marine safety, emergency rescues, and environmental disaster aid. Which is probably why it’s not under the DoD, they have all the money and the government doesn’t actually give a shit about the Guard or else they wouldn’t be stuck trying to do their jobs with 60 year old cutters.