I just saw @language-sanctuary post about neurodivergence in the wider study or communities and how we don’t always talk about being neurodivergent in academia.
They made an excellent point that this is something we can fix by just starting the conversation. It’s so important to me that this be something we discuss in our communities. I’ve shared bits and pieces of my journey before but I’d like to share a bit again and also highlight what it has meant for me academically.
My sophomore year of undergrad (‘16/‘17) I started getting so dizzy I couldn’t walk straight. I was constantly fatigued and my hands shook all the time. I saw multiple medical professionals and they told me it was just a new manifestation of my anxiety and didn’t offer me much in the way of trying to treat it. At this point I was hardly treating my general anxiety disorder. They sent me for a CT scan and it came back clean so they said I was fine and sent me off.
The middle of winter quarter it was so bad I was failing classes, vomiting every day, and so dizzy I was struggling to walk anywhere. I finally went back to the first GP I had seen who was my primary and she finally referred me to a neurologist when I said I was pretty sure it was something to do with migraines. The neurologist ran tests and did an MRI (which was clean, no tumors! yay!). He diagnosed me with acute migraines. At this point we weren’t even sure how many I was having since they rolled one right into the next. I got on medication and scheduled regular check ups.
I went back about my life while we continued to adjust medication dosage and I started experiencing side affects. I’m not going to talk more about the medication and treatment journey and instead I am going to jump ahead to junior year.
After a summer of being constantly sick but somewhat better as I learned my triggers and kept on meds (which had their own issues) I started fall quarter incredibly optimistic. Then I took a class where exams counted for almost my entire grade. Exams had become nearly impossible for me and in all of my classes I had been passing by doing well on homework. Then my ability to do homework started to drop as junior year got increasingly more difficult. In my program junior year is one of the toughest years as you have to balance all of your regular work plus a lab based project. I failed the exam based class and got put on academic probation. During this time I was also taking a class with an amazing math professor.
On her quizzes and exams I kept writing “I ran out of time, I know how to do it but I’m out of time.”, she was such an amazing teacher. The rest of this could be a love letter to her honestly. She started grading my quizzes based on effort and she asked me to come by her office to chat. When I did she asked me what was going on, and asked if running out of time had always been part of my academic journey. I told her everything and just sort of unloaded on her. She comforted me, told me she saw how hard I was working, and then she told me something that rocked my world (it may seem small). She told me “You can ask for help in academia, none of your professors are going to think less of you for asking for what you need.” she gave me the email for disability services and explained that sometimes academic disabilities are different than what we typically think of.
She was the reason I was able to go to disability services and ask for what I needed. I got extended test time, the ability to reschedule a test if I was having a migraine episode that was severe, and it opened up the conversation with my professors to talk about what I needed. My grades started to go back up, I felt more confident, and I was even able to get the F removed from my transcript and taken off academic probation because of medical exception.
I say all of this because I want to be clear; I struggle a lot because of my migraines, anxiety, and depression. My migraines even managed to give me an eating disorder that I will always be recovering from. But by being open about my struggles I was able to get the accommodations I needed to even the playing field. It’s still hard, some days I feel like I’m working twice as hard for a C. My neurodivergence and learning issues aren’t something that I will have to talk to much about in the professional world. I’ve managed to get my self to a place where even as hard as it is I can make myself seem “normal” even if that takes a lot of effort. I am lucky in that. I know how bad it is for my friends who can’t hide their neurodivergence and “pass”. But I want you to know that whether your divergence is obvious or silent; you can ask for help and support. You should demand it until you get it. I will always advocate for fair practices in academia. And I want you to know that if you’re thinking “Wow, more time would make all the difference for me.” or “I wish I was able to ask for extensions on my bad days.” but you aren’t sure where to start. Send me a message or an ask and I will help you figure out how to get started.
I love the studyblr community but I know that I often get caught up in the aesthetic, and this has always been a space of accountability and growth for me. I’d like it to be that for everyone.