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What Would Your Character Do with This Table?

@inroomdiningtable / inroomdiningtable.tumblr.com

See that table in the avatar space? That was a table that showed up when a group of comickers ordered room service. I originally started this as a place to have people draw characters with that table. Now, it's just a place where you get my random thoughts. Sorry about that.
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Reasons I’ve heard why Princess Kate is “missing” in no particular order:

• BBL

• facelift

• prepping for going on The Masked Singer

• growing out a bad fringe

• mental breakdown (possibly due to William knocking up Rose Hanbury)

• going on drag race All Stars (courtesy of Bianca Del Rio)

• they’re getting a divorce

•induced coma

• she’s straight up just dead and the royals are just digitally “weekend at Bernie’s”-ing us

• she’s moved to a small town and has met a man who doesn’t know she’s a princess and is teaching her the real joy of Christmas.

• she’s recovering from abdominal surgery on medical advice (booooooo)

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sadomarxist

I still say she’s traveling with the Doctor who seems incapable of mastering “we’ll be back in five minutes”.

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ironychan

Calvin's parents decide to take a Hawai'ian vacation. They're not sure how much of it their son will tolerate but they would like to do at least a few things that involve sandy beaches and scenic cycling routes. They are therefore pleased when Calvin seems to make friends with a local girl about his own age and the two of them run off to play

Now, from Calvin's point of view what has happened is that he spotted actual aliens, and starts trying to bring this to the attention if the adults. But the tourists are like, "that's nice, go shoot 'em with your water gun, have a good time," and the locals are like, "yeah, they're an older couple who decided to retire here. Happens all the time." Eventually, it becomes clear that Spaceman Spiff is going to have to handle it himself.

From Lilo's point of view, Jumba and Pleakley are her gay uncles, do you mind? Calvin does mind, and so the two of them spend the rest of the afternoon terrorizing Kaua'i in the effort to destroy one another while the aliens alternate between bailing them out of trouble and attempting to escape.

Hobbes and Stitch, meanwhile, are calmly playing checkers and drinking non-alcoholic margaritas.

OP I’m sorry but the last sentence painted SUCH a vivid picture in my mind I had to draw it immediately.

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gholateg

I love how Stitch looks more like a stuffed animal then Hobbes does.

This is perfect.

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captorations

pratchett will write an entire book about the grim reaper pretending to be santa claus while the grim reaper’s granddaughter goes about hunting down the dumbass who decided to kill santa, and then right when you think you’re done and the oddly pointed shenanigans are winding down he hits you with “humans need fantasy to be human. to be the place where the falling angel meets the rising ape,” and knocks you into next wednesday

“Why does the third of the three brothers, who shares his food with the old woman in the wood, go on to become king of the country? Why does James Bond manage to disarm the nuclear bomb a few seconds before it goes off rather than, as it were, a few seconds afterwards? Because a universe where that did not happen would be a dark and hostile place. Let there be goblin hordes, let there be terrible environmental threats, let there be giant mutated slugs if you really must, but let there also be hope. It may be a grim, thin hope, an Arthurian sword at sunset, but let us know that we do not live in vain.”

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drgaellon

GNU TERRY PRATCHETT

Gnu Terry Pratchett

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udontn33dh1m

I know y'all did not read the books but Roald Dahl talks about this in the book. Charlie’s teacher points out the fact that unless you buy a shit ton of bars you’re probably not gonna win. Just like the lottery. Just like how all of the other winners of the tickets bought a shit ton of bars. Except Charlie, who just got lucky. And Charlie was originally black. Literally the whole point of the book was that wonka wanted to give the less fortunate a fair opportunity and it wasn’t fair because the system isn’t fair.

Stop the car.

Charlie was originally black?!?!

!?!!

He was and Mr. Dahl was forced to make him white. Also his widow has spoken and confirmed that as well.

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nicolauda

because you shouldn’t believe everything you read on a tumblr post at face value, here is a guardian article confirming that charlie was originally conceived as black but dahl made him white at the behest of his publisher

WHAT

But yeah, coming back to the original point, the other kids, especially Augustus Gloop and Veruca Salt, cheated the system by claiming a ridiculous amount of chocolate bars. News reports mention people hoarding Wonka chocolate bars in hopes of finding the Golden Ticket. Mr Salt even admits that he refitted his staff at a nut-shelling factory for opening chocolate bars, without a doubt losing a huge amount of capital in lost profits and mass bulk-buying of chocolate, just to win. The working-class lady who actually found that ticket didn’t benefit from that luck or labour - she was immediately made to hand it over to her boss for his spoiled daughter, who holds it as ‘his’ victory and good luck.

Charlie didn’t even find the ticket in his first bar, or his second. His first bar, his birthday present, was a dud, and he even failed to enjoy it like normal because he dared to hope, just for a moment, that he might actually be lucky enough to get the one. Later, he is lucky enough to find a dropped 50p piece in the street, and goes to buy a chocolate bar for himself. Finally holding a treat that is all his, he wolfs the thing down, stopping only long enough to realises that he didn’t get lucky and win a Golden Ticket. It’s only on the third bar that he gets it, and, smelling blood in the water, the shopkeeper tells him to immediately go home and not tell a soul that he has it, knowing what people might do to this small starving boy if they find out what he has.

And Wonka knows! He knows he done goofed! He realises almost immediately that the people who have been attracted to his lottery, who have stacked the decks in their favour, are awful, cruel, entitled people! Augustus Gloop, the glutton, doesn’t care what placed in front of him so long as it’s food - and the first obstacle? A room where everything is a kind of sweet. Violet’s gum-chewing is excessive, but the modern film adapts this into a more realistic and sinister flaw - overcompetitiveness. It’s not just that she’s been chewing the same piece of gum for months, it’s that she’s been chewing the same piece of gum, weeks after its taste is gone, whether it is socially acceptable or not, just to break a record. So when Wonka promises a new treat, a personal favourite of one of the kids, but says it’s not ready yet and you can’t have it, of course Violet seizes it, because damn the consequences, she will be the first to try it. Veruca is shown a collection of unique animals, and immediately declares that she wants one, because she’s always had the bragging rights and luxury rare items. And when Mr Wonka refuses to sell? She steals it, because dang it, she will have that golden goose/trained squirrel! Mike Teevee, in his hubris, mutilates himself almost beyond recognition because he had to challenge Mr Wonka’s outlandish claim of transmitting physical objects via television. Charlie was the perfect heir, not because he was humble and poor, but because he had the wonder and appreciation for the treats Wonka made but also the sense and caution not to risk messing with the many dangerous things in an active factory. If the lottery was more fair, maybe Charlie would have had more stiff competition, but as it stands, Charlie is almost the poster boy of ‘won by doing nothing’.

Sorry, got sidetracked

TLDR: Apart from Charlie, most of the other kids were entitled rich (white) kids who gamed a system that should have been fair, and were punished for it by revealing to them their greed and hubris

Well I got a lesson in history

Damn this was so good

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So, like, the thing you have to understand is that prior to the mid-2000s, the "Young Adult" genre as we now know it didn't exist. The expectation was that you would graduate to the adult aisle of the book store at, like, 13-14. This worked because the only people still reading long form novels into their teens were precocious bookworms who were better read than their parents.

Harry Potter changed all this. The success of the Harry Potter books convinced the publishing industry that selling full length novels to normie children was a business model. The thing about the Harry Potter books, though, is that at least for the early books, the target audience was a bit younger than what we think of as the YA demographic; tweens, rather than teens. Now, the publishing very much wanted to keep all these normie kids buying books into their teens and beyond, but the previous model of treating teens as functionally adults for marketing purposes would not work; there was simply no way that normie parents were going to let their normie kids read fully adult novels where the characters, like, do drugs or have unprotected sex and stuff. So, in order to be allowed to market to the teen demographic, the YA genre was created.

However, teens have an inherent interest in reading about sex and violence and drugs, and so authors who are able to incorporate these kinds of themes into their YA novels in a discrete way such that it flies under the radar of the moral guardians are met with success. But this is a precarious tightrope to walk. Not enough "mature" themes and the teens will loose interest, to much or to blatant and the teens won't be allowed to read it. And so, it should come as no surprise, that the first person to successfully navigate this tight rope was a Mormon housewife with a vampire fetish.

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dduane

…The editor who bought So You Want To Be A Wizard from me in 1981 would’ve been interested to hear somebody claim that YA (and particularly YA fantasy) didn’t then exist… because that’s sure as hell what she—and the book’s first publisher, Dell / Delacorte—called it. (When they weren’t also calling this subgenre “juvenile fantasy”, as in this Locus ad from its publication year)

And that single publisher was buying and publishing multiple such books every year… presumably to keep up with its competition.

…So either the “precocious bookworms” market was particularly strong that decade, or else this kind of genre publishing and marketing was, well, normal… and in fact paved the way for the later success of broadly similar genre works. [waves vaguely in the direction of other YA fantasy that would follow a decade and a half later] And yeah, this is a significant oversimplification of the subject, but it’s nearly 2 AM for me and I’m not up for a full essay on it right now. Maybe later.

However, as for the thesis “the YA genre was created post-the 2000s”? …Nah.

(Meanwhile I can’t just leave with nothing but that sad B&W line art sitting there. Here’s the full cover of that hardcover first edition, by Caldecott-winning artist David Wiesner.)

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this is such incredible advice for creating any kind of art i have to put it over here to remind myself

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dduane

And this goes for writing too.

There are stories that only you are qualified to tell best: that only you are able to tell. You are uniquely positioned in spacetime to do this job because of your life detail, your upbringing, your reading, your thinking. No one else can tell your stories just the way you do, no matter how good a writer they might be.

And inside you somewhere are characters desperate for your attention; desperate for your intention and your work to breathe life into them. They need your voice raised to tell their stories. No one else can do it. You are their only hope.

Waste no more time worrying about whether your take on their stories will be good enough. You have more important things to be thinking about. So go get on with it. :)

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One of the most life-changing things I ever learned came from Mythbusters, where they tested and proved (with cognitive testing puzzles and reaction time tests) that lying down and resting with the intention to sleep STILL provided significant mental benefits over just staying awake, even if a person couldn’t fall asleep in the amount of time they had. 

It helps me to actually sleep to know that just lying down with my eyes closed is still doing me some good, and helps me to not freak out/beat myself up when I stay up later than intended. Any amount of rest is better than no rest!

So if you didn’t know that…now you do

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rogha

do you know that i think of this post every time i can’t sleep op. what mythbusters did for you, you have done for a great many others. 

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dduane

One instructor in nursing school, fifty years ago: “If you can’t sleep, rest. If you can’t rest, at least lie down and pretend.”

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catchymemes

I like to think back to this whenever I’m scared to start a new hobby

This is also the reason as to why I save and document as much of my art and writing as I can; you can look at your progress over time :)

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dduane

Yep. Screw up, first. Liberally and repeatedly; and get used to the response.

Because even more of the same will come along when you succeed. 😏

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