maybe stomachaches were made to remind us of the way it feels when we've fucked up and you know it.
tanya belai || @afirelullaby
we're all murdering ourselves trying to be perfect. can we please stop?
tanya belai || afirelullaby
not being depressed is: being sad and knowing (almost) for certain that it'll pass.
tanya b. || afirelullaby
you're a powder blue silk pashmina shawl draped over my shoulders. you keep me warm when my nails want to turn blue. i keep you with me always. // i love you. i love you. i love you. a thousand times i love you. no matter how many times i say it, i'm sure you can't possibly understand how much i mean it. // i love you. here's a piece of my heart, please keep it safe. // i love you. thank you for being there for me when i was splattered on the floor like so many broken eggs. // i love you. your voice calms me down when nothing else will. // i love you. you don't have to love me back, just know that you're brighter than the stars and the sun and my phone at 2 am. // i love you. i hope your smile doesn't desert you for longer than a day because you deserve to be as happy as you make me. // i love you, i do.
tanya b. || afirelullaby
don't you dare come near me with those diamond blades on your words // i'll rip them out and throw them right back // my aim is quite deadly // i'm warning you now
tanya b || afirelullaby
waking up from a nightmare into a nightmare is just as bad as it sounds. it will shock you into stillness. if you're in touch with your feelings, you'll probably cry. i did. // your morning will not go smoothly. but it will get over. everything gets over if you wait long enough. it takes a little patience, i know. // we're just temporary bags of chemicals walking a sphere suspended in space. we don't matter. we are so damned small. i hope this is as reassuring to you as it is to me.
tanya b || afirelullaby
why are we so fucking cruel to one another//why do we kill//why do we love//what's the difference between the two//please explain this i've never understood it.
tanya b. || afirelullaby
i can think of nothing more careful, more mediocre, more spectacular than a first kiss.
tanya b. || afirelullaby
the world is bright and loud and smells like everything and nothing all at once. it was not designed to be kind to those just born into it.
and yet. the very young are always the most beautiful creatures on it.
babies cry first, but they tend to laugh more than they cry if you love them.
a colt with unsteady legs dares to walk anyway.
of course, their size can be a disadvantage. they're easy to cast aside. they can't fight back.
(please don't cast them aside.)
- prompted by igwmh
it is possible to long for someone's presence when they are right beside you. i have done it.
tanya b. || afirelullaby
the floor of the balcony was wet. it may have rained today. or the plants may have been watered.
we painted the floor brick red three years ago, to match the roofs. it sets off the green of the plants nicely.
there's a bird building a nest in a hanging pot. she twitters red and green, cheerful and bright.
the wind whispers powder blue. it is not dark enough.
the summer sun adds its force to gravity, even as the monsoon clouds attempt to hide it. i know this because it tore its way out from behind a cloud and i couldn't move under its gaze.
i might be hungry. or hypovolemic.
- prompted by igwmh
i was in the house of my dreams once
(in a dream, of course)
the kitchen surfaces weren't clean, for a certain definition of clean. traces of flour could be found in one corner. a cooling rack full of muffins occupied space on top of the stove. a carelessly abandoned kitchen towel defied gravity and stayed on the edge of a counter.
the couch sagged on the left, because it wasn't made to take the weight of two in a space that was designed to fit one.
there were two bedrooms, with two beds, each intended for only one person.
we were in love in a way that my body could hunger for forever and still never find.
get out of my dreams and find your way into my life, damn it.
afirelullaby reblogged
I think it’s hard for you to fall in love because you like control, and you can’t control what another person does or feels, so you keep all your cards.
Tarryn Fisher, F*ck Love (via thelovejournals)
Source: thelovejournals.com
who the fuck gave you the right to make my bones your palimpsest.
tanya b. || afirelullaby
the night is heavy. i am small and delicate. i can feel the night in my bones. i hope they can withstand it.
tanya b. || afirelullaby
words are difficult today.
i’m trying to cough them out with the phlegm that has lodged itself in my throat this monsoon but that’s there to stay.
i’m reaching for them with but they’re just ricocheting off my knuckles and leaving behind bruises.
i’m trying to squint at the ones carved into my skull just so i have something to say but i don’t know where my glasses are.
i’m trying. it’s just that words haven’t been falling into my hands lately, and i’m too tired to fight my way through the exhaustion and get to them.
i’m sorry.