A few of the more creative spellings of Christmas I’ve come across while looking for Dear Santa letters in old newspapers this year.

thanks tumblr, maybe i will try ringworm if you dont have anything else

come here

The Eiffel tower is going to be deconstructed.

Au revoir et bon débarras, espèce de connard triangulaire.

Im just feeling a certain way rn

i'm begging you guys to start pirating shit from streaming platforms. there are so many websites where you can stream that shit for free, here's a quick HOW TO:

1) Search for: watch TITLE OF WORK free online

2) Scroll to the bottom of results. Click any of the "Complaint" links

3) You will be taken to a long list of links that were removed for copyright infringement. Use the 'find' function to search for the name of the show/movie you were originally searching for. You will get something like this (specifics removed because if you love an illegal streaming site you don't post its url on social media)

4) each of these links is to a website where you can stream shit for free. go to the individual websites and search for your show/movie. you might have to copy-paste a few before you find exactly what you're looking, but the whole process only takes a minute. the speed/quality is usually the same as on netflix/whatever, and they even have subtitles! (make sure to use an adblocker though, these sites are funded by annoying popups)

In conclusion, if you do this often enough you will start recognizing the most dependable websites, and you can just bookmark those instead. (note: this is completely separate from torrenting, which is also a beautiful thing but requires different software and a vpn)

you can also download the media in question (look for a "download" button built into the video window, or use a browser extension such as Video DownloadHelper.)

if the "Complaint" links are not visible for you:

Lord help me. I've been given three manageable tasks. all at once

to all the people who didn't believe in me. I won. I did it.

and you can too.

i thought i was radicalized before but there is something about seeing every respectable institution and politican and media outlet around you cheer on a genocide while at the same time being able to see live footage of its horrors that cracks something in you open with no way to close it up again

Citrus Reamer

and the trophy for 🌟Best Reply🌟 goes to:

that took 3 minutes.

i literally fucking blinked and this shit happened istg y’all are insane—

Fuck it. Spread this post to every nook and cranny on tumblr. Prove to everyone that this site is ALIVE and FLOURISHING and that it will last for fucking DECADES

Listen to me. Listen to me. Listen to me. Listen to me.

I know there is a lot of discourse (tm) around this right now but listen to me

sometimes you do just have to lie to children.

If, when my toddler is, you know, toddling around saying “mama? Big ball?”

If I were lean down and say “unfortunately the big beach ball for some reason fills you with such an unadulterated rage that is beyond human comprehension that you scream until you pass out, so mama had to remove the beach ball from the premises until you can better regulate your emotions” she would simply stare at me like I had 3 heads full of equal betrayal.

So, for now, instead “big ball went night night!”

Please understand when I say “removed the ball from the premises” I mean I popped it in a fit of exhausted confusion. I murdered the beach ball.

See I’ve lied to you all too and it was better this way.

you can’t just leave this in the tags etc.

You can’t be funnier then me on my own posts, I’m in tears from laughter

"Way too reliable narrator" where the narrator provides documentation and proof for how they know every detail in the narrative and an estimate of how confident they are in it.

Suspiciously Specific Narrator

ok but seriously why is “much older internet friend uses you as their personal suicide hotline” such a universal experience for kids on the internet. fyi for any kids/teens following me if an adult tries to make you be their therapist just flat out block them you dont have to explain yourself or try to reason with them and ur not responsible for their mental well-being. just block them

An important tweet

This is such a "common sense" way of putting it. Everybody memorize this for spitting it back out whenever needed.

Farmer family friend has an out of control mint problem around one of his greenhouses because he had a potted mint plant that he set on the ground and it grew a tendril out of the pot which touched the soil and grew roots.

It had never occurred to me before that a potted plant could escape.

this is Scarlet, she is my aunt's bird and someday my bird. she is probably around 30 years old or older, she's family to us, this Tuesday she got out of her cage and flew away. we are devastated.

my aunt lives in Caldwell Idaho in canyon county. can people spread this around, maybe this can be seen by the right person, she's very very important to us the date right now is june, 10th 2023 please message me if you seen her or know anyone who has. she only mimics or talks and dose'nt make bird sounds, she often mimics coughing and asks for me "sarah"

she's sweet but may bite, and she's drawn to people with deep voices, she's very clever as well, thank you if you help