the year is 2024. I am watching The X Files 1x08 with my blissfully offline boyfriend. We reach the scene where, in confinement, Mulder and Scully examine each other's backs for alien marks. My boyfriend, who has never seen the show before, makes an amused noise and utters a strong contender for understatement of the year:

"I'm guessing there's fanfiction about these two"

tshirt that says MY COCK IS HUGE AND MY GRIP ON REALITY IS TENUOUS AND MY COCK IS AVERAGE

Ralph Goings (American, b,1928), Flowered Table Top, 1978, Watercolor and graphite on paper

G-d, this is so accurate and so important. Please verify the details yourself if you doubt it. This is all extremely well documented information.

But I want to stress, this is not a condemnation of any individual Muslims or Christians. Nor is it a condemnation of Islam or Christianity. Religions evolve and branch. People are conquered and killed. Things change. I am certainly not ok with the idea that Christians or Muslims or Palestinians shouldn’t have full equal rights in Israel. I don’t want anyone expelled from the land.

What I want is for my people to live safely there. For people to stop calling our culture and history evil before trying to kill us and take it for themselves.

What I want is for people to understand history that’s existed longer than two minutes. And to understand that history in general existed before Christianity and often included Jews!!!!

As always, if anyone tries to demonize Muslims on any post I reblog ever, you will be blocked and reported. I have no tolerance for Islamophobia. This post is not about invalidating Islam. It is about validating and acknowledging Jewish history and suffering.

Note: I have just investigated shretl’s blog and while all of their information about Jewish and Israeli history is accurate, I think their language verges occasionally on Islamophobia.

This post is extremely important and has a lot of good information. I also strongly verify shretl’s information about Israeli history and Jewish culture and history. But if anyone knows somewhere I can reblog this particular graphic from who does not use Islamophobic dog whistles, I would love to do so instead and will delete this version.

Shretl, if you see this, this is not a callout post. I do not want anyone to fight you. I do not want to fight you. I do not want anyone to harass their blog. I just believe that Islam is a religion of peace, which is an area where it seems we differ. It is also possible I have somehow misinterpreted you, in which case, I apologize. I believe in Jewish solidarity and want to have solidarity with you.

I also wish for solidarity with Muslims and I want to respect the fact that characterizing Islam as inherently violent is not OK. Just as it is not ok to do for Jews.

For any Muslim followers concerned that I have shared this, the graphic originates from rootsmetal. I believe in peace and I know you do too.

Apparently there was some kind of race scheduled at a local park or something so I've been trying to avoid the main trail but a little while ago when I had to cross near it I overheard the following shouted exchange

And goddamn if that didn't rewire my brain a little bit.

Last place is still a place, baby.

Hanukkah PSA for reptile owners!

Hanukkah is almost upon us (woohoo!), so I wanted to give a quick reminder to all my fellow Jewish reptile keepers to avoid lighting candles in the same room as a reptile!

Even the smoke from small Hanukkah candles can be very dangerous for reptiles, especially hatchlings and juveniles. Reptiles can't cough, so any smoke they breathe in stays in their lungs and can cause respiratory illness very quickly. It's less dangerous on the first night when you've only got two candles going, but by night eight, it can be a recipe for disaster! This is true if you have an oil-based chanukkiah, too!

To keep your pet reptiles safe and healthy, make sure you always light your chanukkiah in another part of the house, and keep your reptiles out of the room while your Hanukkah candles are burning.

!חג אורים שמח

Hanukkah is almost here! If you have a pet reptile, please take a moment to think about a safe place to light your candles where your pet won't be exposed to them.

so judging by how astonished people are by it every time we explain it to anybody, it seems like my wife and I might really be onto something here

during the pandemic, we invented something we call "astronaut time."

when it's astronaut time, it's like we are two astronauts wearing the big helmets, moving around the station on totally separate tasks. one of us is outside the space station and one of us is inside the space station. our radios do not work and we have no way of communicating with each other. we might see each other through the lil porthole windows, but we ignore each other because we both have different things to do.

"astronaut time" is how we get total privacy when we live in the same apartment. I will pretend you don't exist. You will pretend I don't exist. we have a nonverbal, zero-contact signal for when astronaut time is over (usually "I'll draw a smiley-face on the whiteboard in the kitchen when I'm done"). No talking, stay out of each other's line of sight, we are actively avoiding each other, unless you are currently experiencing a medical emergency goodbye.

it has been. a godsend. imagine living with your partner and being able to close every single tab in your brain related to social interaction. no fear of being interrupted by a "hey, quick question--" or "sorry to bother you, but do you know where the scissors are?" or "did you want something to eat, too?" Once or twice a month, we look at each other lovingly, hold hands, and say "baby I think I need some astronaut time tonight," and the other person goes "okay cool. bye! have a nice night!" and nobody's feelings are hurt and we both go and have a lovely evening completely by ourselves.

like idk it's a small thing but it's made our lives so much nicer, so if you and your partner/roommate are both people who sometimes need total privacy in order to recharge, maybe try it

I'm the wife in question and I cannot recommend this enough. When I told my therapist about astronaut time, she asked if she could share it with the couples she councils, so even the professionals give it two thumbs up.

Don’t mind me…I’m just thinking about how spiders are naturally talented and skilled weavers and they know how to weave their webs and even make functional, stylish homes and nests and whatnot.

So maybe that’s why Spider-Man knows how to sew his suits. He inherited that trait from the spider and just instinctively know how to weave his suits. Maybe. That’s my explanation for it.

Aunt May: You're buying an awful lot of yarn lately. Are you making something?

Peter, who after getting bit by a spider has felt an inescapable need to knit and now his room is covered head to toe in yarn: Nope. It's just new hobby.

yknow what. i complained a lot about how it was unrealistic to suddenly know how to put together stretch knits and a perfectly fitting, absolute banger of a suit, but this is an explanation i’ll gladly accept

Someone find me a radioactive spider so I can open an etsy store

7 most adhd moods

–the Only Mood everyone else knows about: i  wanna do THIS and THIS and THIS and THIS and THIS and–SQUIRREL

–galaxy brain: i was listening to the lecture but the prof said something that reminded me of something else and now i’m not sure how much time i was lost in thought

–the tutorial only comes in video format: i’m sorry, but you’ve thrown off the emperor’s groove *hurls product & its tutorial video into the sun*

–damn you hyperfocus: i went to bed intending to wake up and write but this morning i was possessed by a cleanliness spirit and spent the next 14 hours organizing the apartment

–i dont think u tried at all.jpg: did i seriously spend an entire free day refreshing twitter b/c i didn’t want to spend 10 minutes finishing my hw but wouldn’t let myself do anything else until i finished it???? (yes)

–patrick star: *unlocks phone* time to check the weather. *opens twitter* the weather. *opens messenger* the weather. *opens mobage game* the weather. *opens facebook* the weather. *opens twitter again* THE WEA–

–smells like depression: literally everything is too boring. i’m going back to sleep

if a supervillain said "you wont kill me thatd make you just like me" i would simply say "no it wouldnt id be saving millions of people" and the villain would say "but youd be dooming yourself. could you really live knowing youre a killer" and id say "well id certainly have trouble. ill probably be very sad about it. definitely a lot to unpack" and theyd say "so you wont do it" and id say "oh no im still gonna" and theyd say "what" and id say "youre a supervillain responsible for countless deaths and yet here you are desperately trying to bargain for your life. you want to live. which means you can easily live with yourself after being responsible for countless deaths. i, on the other hand, will at the very least have tremendous difficulty with even killing just one person and at worst might just jump out a window right after i do it. the very nature of this whole conversation about whether we are the same has proven to me we are very much not the same and i am certain killing you to save millions is the morally correct decision here" and theyd say "what" and id say "get killed idiot"

Since I discovered that “step out of your comfort zone” is supposed to mean “safely experiment with doing small things to expand your life experience” and not “ignore the fact that you are disabled and cause yourself physical and emotional pain until you have a meltdown and then stay in bed for two days straight”, my life has drastically improved.

this is the funniest fucking thing ive ever read