Mother. Fucking. Dinosaurs.

For when you just need to get rid of as many arrows as possible...

actually when I was in 8th grade and obsessed with twilight my master plan as a twilight vampire was to sit around in famous shipwrecks like the super deep ones where they can only send robots with cameras from their submarines and when they sent one down i’d be sitting there, pretending to drink out of an old tea cup you know for the drama of it all and the guys in the submarine would know what they saw and that it was real footage but who else would believe them? no one important.

but it didn’t stop there. at the next party they threw to celebrate one of their latest finds, some museum-y banquet idk I was 13, I was going to show up. I was going to show up and make eye contact with them one at a time from across the room and they were going to lose their goddamn minds and then before the volturi could catch wind i was gonna be back in the ocean. how could they find me?

the drama. the theatrics. i can’t believe i didn’t realize i was gay right then but that’s another story, also involving vampires,

hate to burst your fantasy, but

1) vampires don’t show up in film

2) vampires can’t cross moving water much less sit at the bottom of the ocean

you’ve got me a in a difficult position here because on the one hand, this post is specifically about vampire lore in Twilight, so you’re wrong, but on the other hand, saying “you clearly didn’t read twilight” doesn’t exactly make you look like the bad guy here

Being followed by a car for 2 turns in the city: "I'm about to be murdered. Let me call my mom and write my will because this is it"

Being followed by a car for 6 hours on country highways: "The relationship between Blue Subaru and I is beyond compare. We're family. My road brother."

You get it

i never got why kids shouldn’t swear, like if a little kid walked past me and went “aw fuck i dropped my popsicle” i would laugh until i needed an ambulance

LOOK AT THEM! [X]

Roll Before You Roleplay

The morning after our Dwarven Ranger went on an emotional drinking binge, the other party members cautiously tried to wake him. His player eagerly jumped into roleplaying a grumpy, hung-over little man.

Ranger’s player: “-he groans again and turns over completely onto his stomach, pulling the pillow over his head and-”

DM: “Can you make me a Constitution roll?”

Ranger’s player: “Oh, that’s right! That’s a… Nat 20.”

DM: “Somehow, you are not hung-over at all.”

Ranger’s player: “Well, scratch everything I just said, I guess.”

Hnnngg

The 3rd gif @thesschesthair

i love her

I fucking love friendships between fanfic writers. It's like: we exist vaguely in proximity to each other within the fandom bc of mutuals or whatever and maybe we're even mutuals ourselves but we don't talk at all until one day one of us binge reads the other's fic and then there is an unbreakable bond between us. And it SLAPS

outsiders and boring normal people and fandom newbies always think that buckwild kinky porn fanfiction is the strangest fandom hobby but they are wrong.

the strangest fandom hobby is plotty fanfiction, the kind that requires research, because engaging in this hobby makes no goddamned sense.

it doesn’t even give anybody masturbation material, which is at least a logical and admirable goal that contributes to the betterment of society, or at least society’s solitary orgasms.

in other news i hope the cia spyware monitoring my internet usage understands that i’m googling information about smuggling drugs in thailand because i want the details to be right in a single paragraph in a 10,000 word story about a gay mafia guys.

This user is an unapologetic supporter of Ship And Let Ship.

It's nice that it's starting to feel real.

Maybe someday

THAT IS ACTUALLY AMAZING!

Sometimes, my town does shit that is good.

DO LANDLORDS NEXT.

This is an excellent way to balance the need for "I wanna stay at a HOUSE to go to my sister's wedding, not a hotel where I can't prepare food that deals with my allergies and there's no yard for the kid to run around in" and avoiding the problem where AirBNBlords snap up every available home in an area (and apartment complexes) and turn them into hotel properties.

after seeing your friends for a few hours sometimes u walk away and return home with a little ball of glowing golden light in your chest

reading this article about love notes written in rhunes dating back to the 12th century… and they’re as simple as “kiss me,” or “Ljótgeirr and Jóhan are eachother’s friends” … insane. i’m losing my mind thinking of this. 

This is a medieval wooden vessel with the text “kiss me” carved on the inside of it… like. speechless.  (picture Runinskrifter.net via this article)