ciel Phantomhive x reader where hiss/o is comforting after the (big reveal in the manga) and they tell him that it does t change how they feel and that they’ll always be here for him
| Ciel Phantomhive × [GN!Reader]
| You with me
| hurt/comfort, angst, our ciel needs a hug :( so much feels, setting is not specified, focused on the main plot of this request so dont mind any other detail, no specific place nor chapter in the manga, just generally after the reveal on the manor, reader is a midford, our ciels real name is astre here, agressive to comfort
but when i wake up i see
Your footsteps echoed through the place, hurrying somewhere. Where? You didn't know. Afterall, you didn't know where Ciel-- no, the Earl, was.
Your mind was in a haze. So clouded, so dazed. So full of thoughts. So full of unanswered questions. Your chest was heavy. Your emotions were in a rampage, all agressively mixing and fighting with each other. Anger, because he had lied, sadness, because he had lied, mistrust, because they had lied, relief, because no one was hurt, and love, because even after everything, you still loved that lying piece of shit. But could that love be enough ti make up for all those lies?
You want to scream, shout, yell, and curse at him, at them. How dare they lie to you all of you.
When they had escaped, the confused and steady anger you felt during the reveal bursted out into flames. The nerve to lie and then just leave.
Had everything just been a lie to him them?
Ciel Phantomhive had been arranged as your fiance and Astre Phantomhive was arranged for Lizzy.
You were enraged. How dare this boy fool you, his brother's fiance of all people. You were enraged at yourself. How dare you feel something so tender, so gentle towards your fiance's brother, moreso, towards the person who had lied to you.
You were supposed to be happy knowing your true bethroted is still, right? But when you looked into his eyes, all you felt was chills. You shivered, a cold, almost painful brush crossed through your spine. You didn't see your Ciel. You didn't see the boy you had loved so much when you were kids. You didn't even see a small ounce of sadness, not even anger.
All you saw was a scheming boy.
And when you had seen the yard about to arrest Ciel Astre, all you had felt was fear. No, not fear of him. Fear for him.
you with me
You didn't know what possessed you to take a reckless action after they had fled. Was it answers? Maybe.
When they had fled, everyone stared the real Ciel and turned to you. Lizzy had even called out before you ran out of the manor, determined to follow them. Then you returned to the Midford estate to ask for help from Edward.
He had been reluctant, very hesitant, as he always has been when it comes to his sisters. But he seemed to couldn't have resisted the pathetic look on your face, so desperate. He had promised to cover for you and not tell anyone so long as you remained safe and come back after a day.
"Your happiness may be important to me, but my priority is your safety, sister." He had told you, hugged you, and kissed your forehead before you left. You couldn't deny it made you feel better, a lot calmer. A brother's comfort truly is so different. So warm and calming.
and you say,
Your brother, as an heir, had a bit of control on your family's military forces, although a little, still something, as there are still knights loyal to the heir, his own knights. He had lent you some of his knights to help you find traces of them.
During your search eith the knights on a forest, Lau had found you lurking and had offered to bring you to them. So you sent the reluctant knights back and told them to inform your brother of your status. You know you could trust your brother.
So here you are, speeding through the hallway of somewhere Lau had brought you. You saw someone turning through the corner. Sebastian.
You both stopped infront of each other for a moment.
"Milady, I--" He bowed before you cut him off.
"Get out of my sight."
He bowed again and left. He wasn't even surprised you were here. Had Lau told them already? So that bastard had let you roam and get lost around this place while he informed them? You made a mental note to threaten him later on. It seems like these people forgot your place in the society just because you had been kind and tolerated their actions back then.
You took a swift turn to the corner the butler went through and stopped when you had seen him sitting on a couch.
Elbows resting on his knees and hands on his face, seemingly distressed.
He better be. You couldn't be the only one who is tormented too much by this situation.
He called out your name, knowing you were there after hearing you exclaim at his butler.
"as long as i am here,
"Was it fun?" You started. You could feel your calmed down anger bubbling up again.
He said nothing, still hiding his face.
"Was it fun playing with us? Was it fun playing with me?"
Nothing.
"Oh, so now you can't look at me in the eyes. But when you said those lies, you were even smiling." When you told me you cared for me. You thought bitterly.
"I was stupid. I was fool to believe you truly cared for me. I was a fool to believe you would actually do those things for me. But then again, I trusted you because I thought you were Ciel, didn't I?" Oh, yes, you did know where to hit hard, because he flinched.
Yet, you didn't feel satisfied, instead, you felt guilty. Why?
"Did you have everything planned from the start? Putting yourself in danger for me, did you have a back-up plan incase we both couldn't have been saved? All those gifts, those actions, all those words..... lies." You scoffed, feeling your tears coming.
He started rubbing his forehead. You almost wanted to scoff again, you were the one feeling everything here, why was he the one getting a headache? Did he find you annoying?
"Why? Why did you lie to me? Why did you lie to us? Why did you have to go through all those lies? To manipulate us? To manipulate my feelings? You played with my feelings. You fucking playing with me, Phantomhive!" You stomped infront of him with tears in your eyes, demanding an answer.
You heard him murmur something unclear.
"What?!"
"It wasn't a lie."
no one can hurt you"
"Now you're telling me you didn't lie, do you really think I'm that stupi--"
"What I did for you wasn't a lie!" He suddenly stood up and exclaimed.
You were take aback and stepped back. You frowned. "You--"
He took your wrist and pulled you closer to him. Now he was looking at you in the eye, he was enraged. The audacity to be enraged. You wanted to point it out and tell him to let go when he spoke again.
"The things I did for you weren't lies! You can scream at me for pretending to be my brother, hell, yell at me for taking his place as an earl, but don't fucking tell me the things I did for you were lies!" He exclaimed.
You looked away from his piercing stare. "Then why?" Your voice cracked.
His grip on your wrist softened.
"Why would you pretend to be someone you're not?" It was pathetic. How all of your anger disappeared the moment you heard his words. You were so gullible, so vulnerable against him.
He sat down again, letting go of your wrist.
"Would anyone have cared if I said it was me?" His voice was small.
don't wanna lie here,
It broke your heart.
"Would anyone have paid attention if I told the truth? Would I have gotten enough power to keep the Phantomhive name, the honor, the business, alive? Afterall, I'm just some sickly, weak, twin of the heir." He was clenching his fists so hard, you were afraid he was going to draw blood and hurt himself.
So you took his hand in yours. "I would've." You kneeled infront of him, just holding his hand and staring at his visible eye. "Lizzy would've, brother would've, mother, father, aunt anne. We would have cared, Astre."
And he let his tears fall at the sound of his name on your lips. His grip on his own skin softened.
but you can learn to
"You might think so little of yourself, but there's more to what it seems, Astre. You didn't need to lie to us. We would have cared. We do care." You cried and kissed his knuckles. It was heartbreaking how he could think so little of himself. How he could think so little of what he thinks all of you think about him.
if i could change the way that you see yourself
So you look at him in his eye, hoping he would receive the feelings you were conveying to him.
When every lie was revealed, you were angry, so furious, clouded by everything, confused by everything. So many questions, too many unanswered thoughts. You hated yourself for still wanting him despite your real fiance back, despite the lies, despite everything. You hated yourself for feeling something, everything.
But you were willing to burn for him.
You guess being stubbornly inlove runs in the blood.
He stared at you with the same look he gave you before the reveal, during your times with him, after you broke through his cold facade, and shooked his head.
"It doesn't matter, my brother is back--"
"And what of him? He's not the one I love."
"He's your betrothed."
"But he isn't the one I want!"
"You loved him."
"But he isn't you!"
It made him break. He breathed heavily and rested his head on your shoulders. "Why would you even want me?" His voice broke. "After all these lies, after everything I've done. Why would you want me? How could you want someone like me?"
You took his face on your hands and pressed your forehead to his. "Why wouldn't I want someone like you?"
He shut his eyes tightly, trying to keep in the tears but it only made them fall, even through under his eyepatch, you could see his tears.
You brushed his tears with your thumb. "You protected me, you cared for me, you saved me, you smiled for me, hell you did things you didn't want to for me, you loved me. How could I not feel the same?"
you wouldn't wonder why you hear
"I lied to you."
"And I don't care. Atleast, not anymore. I admit, I was so angry at you. For lying to me, because I thought you only did those things to save your own skin. But you stupid asshole, I'm weak when it comes to you." You cried as he let out a cracked chuckled, now he was the one wiping your tears.
"See? I made you cry again." He said, staring at your face. He called out your name, "you truly don't deserve someone like me. You could have someone better, more stable."
You pressed your lips on his forehead. "But I'm here with you, aren't I?"
He nodded, holding your hands to his face. It was warm, safe. "Yeah, you're here."
He thinks he can do it. No, you're here, so he'll do it.
they don't deserve you
